Why would a sister do this? - Rebellious Teen?

Question

We have a 15 year old daughter who has gotten involved with a bad crowd and has been getting into some trouble (ditching school, drinking). We have been imposing curfews, grounding her, speaking with her school counselor etc. in an attempt to curb this and get her back on track.

My sister, who had been the "problem child" of our family suggested that I let our daughter visit her for awhile. We thought that a different perspective might not be a bad idea so we agreed. Our daughter is home again but worse than ever and we now found out that my sister told her about all the stuff she pulled as a kid and suggested that our daughter officially accuse me of child abuse as a way to get me"off her back".

What would possess an adult to behave this way, especially a relative who says that she loves the child?

Answer 1

first of all, your sister is an idiot. if you don't help your daughter now, chances are, she will be just like your sister and i'm sure you don't want that for her. sounds like your sister might be jealous of you or might have some sort of resentment towards you. i can't think of any other reason why you sister would want to hurt you like that.

15 is a tough age for everyone in the family. she's trying to find where she fits into the scheme of things which will sometimes cloud her good judgement. just remember to try to match the severity of the punishment to the severity of the offense. i was her age about 10 years ago and i can say that i was about her age when i got into the same kind of "trouble" (ditching and drinking). fortunately, i cared about what my mom thought about me which deterred me from getting into major trouble.

good luck!

Answer 2

First thing you need to do is Cut off all Contact with your sister, what she did was stupid and wrong. and she must have some issues to tell a child that. second you should threaten you daughter with boot camp. I'm serious my mom did that with my brother how was skipping school failing smoking pot and drinking. she took him on a tour of the school, and the drill Sergent had him throwing up after 2 hours. let me tell you that was about 6 months ago, well at the end of the school year he had all B's and C's and 1 A, has a job and isn't talking to his old friends.
if that doesn't work they you should make her change schools, if her friends are a bad influence. good luck

Answer 3

First of all Id have to kick my sisters butt for being so stupid! I know when I was 15 I put my parents thru alot! Skipping school- smoking cigarettes and drinking a little. I ran away 2 or 3 times. My parents were way way way over protective of me. My oldest sister got pregnant at 15 and my middle sister wrecked 3 cars in one months so I wasnt allowed to date or drive! I wasnt allowed to do anything! No spending nights at friends- no rolelrskating- nothing! My parents beside me 24/7 so thats why I ended up rebelling! I got soooo tired of being punished for what my older sisters did! Finally i had enough- and did what I wanted when I wanted! Which i feel horable for now- but I was a teen! Talk with your daughter and tell her to tell you exactly how she feels that u will not get mad no matter what she says! She needs to feel like she is being HEARD! I mean really heard! I hope things work out for u as they finally did with my teenage bratness! lol Keep your sister away from her- she is only make it alot worse! Good luck to u

Answer 4

Have you abused your daughter? I think if your daughter is anything like my brother she will lie to make things seem like she is the perfect one and you are the bad one. I would suggest getting outside counseling and if you cant control her call DCF and they have programs that help parents in your situation. Unless your daughter is a world class actress ( as some unfortunately are) they can help her. If she is violent towards you call the police, do not fight back. That will teach her what she really is dealing with and that you will not stoop to her level, and teach her that what she is doing is illegal. Get the law involved because it is on your side unless you are abusive.

Take care of it now, before things get even more out of hand. Next will probably come stealing money and personal items, violence such as stabbing, shoving and throwing down stairs. Nip it in the butt right now.

Answer 5

Well, you it's time you put your foot down. Start taking things away from her. If she accuses you of child abuse, then make the call for her. When they come, she only leaves with the clothes on her back. She doesn't take anything with her.....let the state buy that. Tell her you're going to sell all of her belongings because you've bought that anyway, and it's just too bad if she don't like it. She can settle for the no name brand of clothes that the state will buy her. Just make her understand that as long as she stays at your house, she goes buy your rules....period. I know you love her, but now it's time to either do the tough love thing, or to let her go and get her emancipated. You can't be responsible financially for a child that is out of control. As far as your sister is concerned, I'd tell her that she's not welcome in my house anymore, or around none of my children. Think about all of this.....best of luck to you..........

Answer 6

Its very nice of u that ur worried about ur daughter
First of all ur daughter should need a professional councelling.. and no matter u feel irritated u must stay in touch with ur child and try to alm her and give her the love she needs and do not groung her or do anything to her which hurts her.. because that makes the problem even worst and i agree with u that u made a mistake by sending her with ur sister..also u must always try to show her ur love and patience towards her,no matter what she says
u should NOT leave her ALONE.. try to be with her so that she is not alone.. if ur doing a job.. then hire anyone who can take care of her and mainly u should change her school.. move to a different place if needed... she will understand u and whatever u do PLEASE BE PATIENT .. thats the key
I hope that helps u

Answer 7

Your sister obviously has issues! Sit down and talk to your daughter...look her in the eye and ask her how she feels. Try to get her to open up about the feelings that she is having that are making her act out like she is. She may be experiencing some difficulties in another area of her life that you don't know about. She also needs to understand that there are rules at home that she must obey in order to maintain her freedom. There will always be rules in her life in some form so she needs to learn to accept this. As for your sister, tell her you won't be needing her to be involved in your daughter's life if she is going to continue to be a negative influence. Good luck!

Answer 8

What a shame! It looks as if your sister is still very bitter and has a terrible self-view of herself. She had to bring someone else into her misery.
Continue with counseling for your daughter. There is something else going on in her head that is causing her misbehavior. I don't mean she is mentally unbalanced, but perhaps bothered by something.
You have to be strong in your conviction to help her even more now that your sister has made it worse.

Answer 9

disassociate w/ your sister, she is damaging your relationship w/ your daughter, thats plain evil & do not let her leave to live with her.

You need to make sure to be consistent. How is your daughter able to be out & drinking? If you work quit tomorrow, you need to make sure you are there when your daughter is not in school, take her to & from school, volunteer to make sure you can watch her if need be. This is serious & you need to nip it in the butt before she gets into drugs or gets pregnant or an STD.

You need to get tough, your the mom dont let her get away w/ it. I am a mom & tough love is needed, were not their friends we are their parents, not trying to be popular w/ them , trying to protect them & guide them into adulthood.

Listen to the dr laura show, give her a call she is really good at this topic, goodluck!

Answer 10

some of it could be just a phase keep stressing the ideas your working on and if she insits on breaking the rules u have set try grounding ... i went through that phase i think most teenagers do... and just remember as long as your not beating her its not child abuse start taking the things she wants and has away no phone no tv no radio no going shopping ... and the next time she throws im gonna call welfare on u thing hand her the phone and say go for it ... best of luck