My boyfriend still feels the need to go to his ex wife's house (they shared together) to do house repairs and to see his daughter. I am trying hard to not get in the way of his relationship with his daughter but he treats me unfairly. He lives 2 hours away, so last time he went to do house repairs, he ended up sleeping on the couch. He knew this is something that would have upset me, so he lied to me to my face. I knew he was lying so he confessed that he had spent the night there out of conveinence. I was upset and told him that he shouldn't have lied to me. Then he was pouting and said that I acted like I didn't want him around and that hurt his feelings. I told him that if he wanted his ex wife back to go home but he says he wants to be with me.
This past weekend is like many others. He wanted to spend time with his daughter but he has only tried calling once in the past 3 days. His daughter hates me and he said she may spend the weekend at his house. What should I do?
2006-07-16 06:06:30 · 13 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
http://www.myspace.com/2nd_wives_haven
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/2nd_wives_club/
These are some support groups for women trying to deal with these type's of situations. It is so hard to be the girlfriend or even the 2nd wife of a divorced man!
In this particular instance, he needs to figure out if he really wants to move on with his life or not. He either, does want to be with you and is willing to cut ties with the ex-wife or he doesn't. There is no reason why he should be spending ANY nights at her place, or doing ANY repairs for her home. That's what his child support obligations are for, so she can HIRE a man to do these things for her. He is NOT her husband anymore. When he visits his daughter, it should either be on *neutral* grounds, or at his *own* home, not his ex-wifes.
Good Luck!
2006-07-16 09:24:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
That is a good question, Because my ex husband comes over all the time to my house and hangs out He just walks in my room. We talk to each other everyday on the phone, sometime 2-3x's a day. AND he has a girlfriend that has his other three kids. She never says anything to him or me.
This is how i see it, he needs to take care of his child/ren and stay friend for their mother. I only say this because their are many time when children hear way to much bad about the other parent.
Talk to your boyfriend calmly see if you can come to an agreement about him not staying over night, if he knew it was going to be late their should be motels/hotels close by he could stay their. if that is not in the budget go down earlier in the day.
as far as his daughter not liking you that is normal I have an 8yr old who hates everyone meet and he really doesn't care for his dads girlfriend. I was the same way NOBODY could ever take my dads place and i gave them HE** for trying.
PICK YOUR BATTLES!!!!!!
2006-07-16 06:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by Auntie B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you're forcing him to choose, but it also sounds like he's being a little immature too.
i'm sure you're aware that with a child involved, and he seems to be an involved dad, you're going to have to accept that or move on. the child probably hates you because you took her daddy away from her mommy however, all hope is not lost. he should be able to spend time with his daughter at her home or away from home. if that means he can't see you to keep the peace, then you have to deal with that or work thing out so that he, his daughter, her mother and you can be comfortable especially for the sake of the child. the child's mother needs to be assured that her child will be okay.
as for the repairs to the home, maybe the former wife cannot afford to pay a repairman or they have worked out an agreement. it could be that without the pressure of marriage, they get along better now as friends. he should have been mature enough to call you when he stayed overnight even if it meant you'd get upset.
this is a relationship that you agreed to be part of, so you have to do your part to make it work or move on.
2006-07-16 06:16:42 · answer #3 · answered by loving 40+ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is still not sure about wanting to cut ties with the X-wife to me. If he wants to see his daughter that's great but he can go get her and stay at a hotel with her or take her places and do father daughter things not stay at his X-wife's house. That is a NO NO!!!!
2006-07-16 06:12:33 · answer #4 · answered by Aubrey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These situations are never easy. I would suggest that you insist he bring his daughter to a place other than your house where he can spend time with her. He has no right to be staying overnight in the same house as his former wife as that would certainly bring trouble into your relationship with him. I would further suggest that you tell him outright that you are simply not prepared to play second fiddle to his former wife and that he address the problem immediately without your help as he knows what is the right thing to do. Simply tell him to work it out himself if he wishes to continue on in a relationship with yourself
2006-07-16 06:18:03 · answer #5 · answered by mandbturner3699 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start here: Never ever tolerate lies. Show him the door and don't let him back until he makes up his mind which relationship he wants. As for his daughter, she doesn't get to make decisions relating to her father's friends. And he need to work out visitation with the courts. This guy blackmails you by sulking. This is what little boys do; men never.
2006-07-16 06:29:36 · answer #6 · answered by patti06902 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear lady:
take a long breath and count to ten are u relaxed good now .Donot and its a Red Allert Never put ur self inface of comparison between u and his child .lower ur mind to the child and think of her as if it was u somone to take my dady,here is the best part if u need to come near him ask about what she likes and do so with love bec children can sense the fear and act apon it .why donot u injoy instead of arguing ,do some walks if he is not there ,go shopping.read anew book donot focuse ur life on him live and let other lives.thanks
2006-07-16 06:33:21 · answer #7 · answered by mamloo7a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't connect w/ the daughter then forget it. He's either on the up & up and they are just friends now raising their daughter or he's lying & is dtill messing w/ the ex- wife . either way they both are always going to be there when you get involved w/ a person w/ kids you get all the probelms that go w/ them. TRUST your gut.
2006-07-16 06:12:32 · answer #8 · answered by baby11kc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, do you have kids?? Don't marry or date a man with kids unless they are really young, or until you have your own. Do you know that he's fully divorced or is he just seperated? This sounds like the biggest joke ever. Never in my life would I let someone do me like that. Honey it's time to leave. You deserve so much better. Date someone in your league of dating, not with kids, because if they are older kids, more than likely they will hate you. In there brains, "no one can take my mommas place".
2006-07-16 06:39:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem. I told him how much it bothered me in a nice way. It took a few times, but I did get through to him and he understood. Communication is the key, if you do not have that then you do not have much for a relationship.
2006-07-16 10:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋