I need your advice...bad!?

Question

I am married with two kids. My neighbor is also married and his wife is pregnant. We have been neighbors for about a year, with no problems whatsoever. Well, a couple of months ago, the man started hitting on me. Telling me that I am beautiful and he doesn't want to leave his wife and doesn't want me to leave my husband, but he just wants to take me out and all kinds of stuff. He is very charming, but nevertheless, I have told him over and over NO! That it is not right. I have tried in every way that I can to get the message to him. But, it's like now he just sits outside of his apartment, watching my apartment. I am surprised that his wife hasn't gotten wise to the situation. I love my husband desperately, but I can't tell him. If I do, he will go crazy and end up hurting him and going to jail. And I really don't want that to happen. So what do I do?

I would like to point out that I have a very good marriage. The reason why I hesitate to tell my husband, is because I know that it will only end in someone going to jail. And like I said, I don't want that.

Answer 1

First, talk to his wife, and let his wife talk to him..
or you begin to act nasty to him, if he is disappointed at you, he won't bother you any more

if fail

you tell him, if he does anything physical, call the cop

he deserves to go to jail if he does anything stupid!

Answer 2

You need to find a way to calmly tell your husband what is going on so you don't look the least bit guilty. If you continue to hide what is happening, it could be taken the wrong way and damage your relationship.

Also, I understand that you are concerned, but also consider that if the neighbor is becoming obesessed with you, then you may need backup. Hopefully it is a passing phase due to her being pregnant and him being a bit freaked at the prospect of the current/upcoming changes. On the other hand... look at all the people living next to criminals who say "I would have never guessed my neighbor was psycho..."

If you were her, wouldn't you want to know? Of course she would not want to consider he would do this, but she must find out sooner or later. Somebody needs to tell her that she is married to a cheat.

Maybe you should consider moving when your lease is up. Or... if you feel like being really sneaky and causing a lot of commotion... anonymously send him flowers when you know he won't be home... maybe the wife will get a clue, divorce him, and he will be away from you. This could backfire however - he may decide that since he is single, you should be too.

Answer 3

Fact - His wife is pregnant and he's horney, that's all, and you are conviently located and he can lie about what he was doing with you if his wife asks why he was at your place. Don't feel complemented by his advances, if not you he would have picked on someone else, and probably is and you don't know about it.

Fact - If you tell his wife, she will think you are the one making advances on him, don't even try that route

Tell your husband, even tell your kids, make it as embarrassing and uncomfortable for the dude as possible. You're husband won't go to jail if he's smart - just let him know you don't want this guy lusting over you and it scares you - a restraining order would work, but no matter what, the friendship is destroyed because this guy is acting this way.

Answer 4

First of all, I want you to understand that this situation has the potential to turn rather dangerous for you. What this man is doing is called sexual harrassment. Many men turn to stalking or even raping in order to get what they want. You need to protect yourself.

If I were in your position, I'd first make contact with the man's wife. Tell her you are just there to inform her of the situation and that her husband is bothering you. You also need to tell her that if this harrassment does not stop you will have to seek other recourses. This is to make sure she is informed about the fact that you are willing to take this to the police.

Next, I'd inform the apartment building manager. Check to see if there's a sexual harrassment policy. If there is, make sure the building follows through with this man in accordance with the policies of the building.

Also, I'd check with the local police. Document everything this man has told you along with the fact that you've said no. Make sure you include the fact that he sits outside his apartment watching yours and making you feel uncomfortable. This sounds like the beginnings of stalking behavior. Make sure you go to them, explain the situation, and arrange for someone to at least come and speak with him.

Finally, telling your husband and having him on your side during these hard times is of extreme importance. It's his relationship too. He needs to know what is going on. Make sure to ask him to remain calm...it would be easier to problem solve if you have him on your side and you demonstrate to him what you've already done to moderate the situation. It may also be good if he goes to your neighbor's home with you. This way you project a united front against this man.

Remember, this has a real potential for becoming a dangerous situation. Many would underestimate the situation but that just places you at risk. Please take care, and if need be, move!

Answer 5

Have friends over, go outside and pretend your talking about him to them, but actually just get them to look over at him like, what nationality do you think he is-does he look familiar...hopefully he'll get nervous. Even better, do this with your husband outside using some casual reference to get him focused on the guy for a moment. Also, I've had a neighbor friend, call me the whole week-end his wife was having their baby, I didn't answer the phone-he got the message.

Answer 6

Here is some real, non-political thoughts:

a- what happens next is up to your morals and point of view, not what people here say. There is no wrong or right.

b- Your marriage sounds slightly irregular if you can't talk to your husband, so look at fixing your own internal situation as well.

c- Men lust after women. Fact. Should you feel uncomfortable take action to stop it, but be aware that it might just be nature taking its course.

Answer 7

Document everything your neighbor says and does and then go to the police. I'd contact the police anyway and explain the situation to them. They might be able to intervene now or could tell you things to do to protect yourself. You really should consider telling your husband. Maybe tell him with his father or a brother present to help him stay calm.

Answer 8

Tell him that if he doesn’t stop you will tell your husband, he will go crazy, end up hurting him and go to jail.

The problem that you have is “He is very charming” in your own words. Once you don’t think he is very charming, you can do the step above.

Answer 9

tell him u are very happy and in love with your husband.if he dosenot leave u alone u will go tell his wife.she needs to know that is looking for sex .tell him u will also go to your husband and the police if he dont stop his ****.asking u out.and watching u and the house good luck.

Answer 10

Why don't you tell his wife? I think that would shut him up. If he is such a cad she would be better off without him. What is he, or will he, be teaching his children. If you don't want to tell her to her face write her a letter and give it to her when he is gone.