How are you going to make me laugh?

Question

Okay, I promised myself I wouldn't add details, but...
I am not ticklish. It's true. You'll just have to take my word for it since I really can't prove it.

Answer 1

The first thing I thought was, oh, I'll drop my pants, and I told my wife that and she started laughing. I can't win.

Answer 2

About 2 years ago, my friend, Tracey and I were at a bar in Northern Minnesota. We were out celebrating her husband's birthday, and had a few drinks. The place we were at was pretty cheesy, had alot of fake fishing "props", etc... old boats hanging from the ceiling, Hamm's beer cans proudly displayed to make the place feel festive.... And, on the doors to the restroom, it said "Squatters" and "Standers", instead of "Men" and "Women". Just to give it and extra bit of backwoods ambiance....Like we were camping or something. And, all the people there were extremely outdated. We saw lots of 10/90 haircuts on the guys and lots of perms/mallbangs/acid washed jeans on the ladies. We were being a little naughty, giggling at some of the people. Eventually, I came up with an idea. We made two little signs that said "Mullets" and "Mallbangs" and taped them over the "Squatters" and "Standers" signs on the bathroom doors. one of my favorite stories, it was o funny to see the look on the waitress's face when she finally noticed. The best part being, of course, tha she HAD mallbangs, and didn't even know what they are.

Answer 3

Tips for Northerners moving South

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at the movie store.
If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's " is plural possessive.
There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
People walk slower here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

Have fun!
John

Answer 4

Say, did'ja ever hear the story of lil Johnny and the stranger?



When Lil Johnny was returning from the Summer Camp, oncet; there was this stranger who got into the seat beside him. The guy was a bundle of nerves, ya see; and he says to lil Johnny "Why don't we discuss sumpin? They say a good discussion makes the journey a lot shorter and pleasant."

"Sure", says lil Johnny "What would you like to discuss?"

"Hows about Nuclear Physics?" says the stranger.

"Fair 'nuff." says lil Johnny "But, answer me this question first!

A cow, a goat and a horse all eat the same grass; but the cow drops a wet green cake, while the horse drops grass embedded cylinders and the goat drops black pellets! Why is this so?"

"Well, I'll be danged!" says the stranger "I jus' dunno!?"

"Well then," says lil Johnny "How can you expect me to discuss Nuclear Physics with someone who doesn't know s hit!?"




Now, if that didn't make ya laugh, honey, I'll be the monkey's uncle!

Cheers.

Answer 5

I could take you to a comedy club.

(Too bad you are not ticklish, you are missing a wonderful form of playful affection!)

Answer 6

By saying that if you don't laugh in 10 seconds,the world will explode!!!lol

Answer 7

My Charm and Witty Ways will have you in stitches

Answer 8

By telling you a joke.....

Yo mamas so fat she brought a spoon to the superbowl!!

LOL

Answer 9

What is invisible and smells like carrots???

DuH! Bunny Farts

Answer 10

Sorry let me stop laughing first.