My wife had quite a few sex partners before I met her, and she was quite an easy catch. Put simply, she got around ALOT. It still bothers me from time to time when I think about it. Am I wrong and stupid for it bothering me or am I just a loving husband who only wants the the best for his wife?
2006-07-16 04:04:44 · 26 answers · asked by kbjcw 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good Marriages are built on trust, communication and LOVE.
You have to trust your wife. Although she has had a lot of partners in the past, did she ever sleep around on any of the previous partners simultaneously? Probably not, even if she did; it's ancient history! Let the past be the past, and not your Present or FUTURE!
Besides what about your past? Have you ever got around yourself? Does your wife have any reasons for being concerned about your past?
I perceive you are a tiny bit jeolous that your wife has had more experience sexually than you, and that concerns you a bit. It shouldn't concern you at all. Just think about all of new things that you can learn from her as well as do with her for the first (and many times over).
Hope that answers your questions and that you didn't get offended by my perception of your question.
QAC
2006-07-16 04:19:42 · answer #1 · answered by Questions/Answers Critic (QAC)! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As long as it is 'past'...I don't think you should hold it against her, since you already know about it. The only practical area of concern is that whenever people have multiple sexual partners, there is an increased chance for STDs (Sexually Transmittable Diseases). Both of you should go through a battery of tests to ensure that neither of you have anything of this nature to be concerned about...and to treat, if necessary. The other side of this issue, if I'm reading you right, is that there is a chance that you feel she may 'step-out' on you again, now that you're married. The only one who will be able to answer this question is her...a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, member of the clergy or marriage counselor, may be the best way to create a loving and safe environment to express these concerns between the two of you...and to (hopefully) put your mind at-ease. When another person is listening, often two people can talk 'though' that person to communicate what the couple has trouble hearing when they speak to each other. Just a suggestion. But, if nothing else, just ask her as directly and lovingly as you can. Good luck!
2006-07-16 04:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by Rev Debi Brady 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it's wrong or stupid...
... but it would probably be more fun if you could head trip your way into getting aroused by it!
Seriously, I think the best answer has already been said here by the guy in your same position.
As the chick who has probably had more experience than my boyfriend... I believe that it is the quality of past sexual experiences which matter the most.
I've known women who have been with only 3 guys, but were more messed up than I am, due to that the experiences were horrible or (atleast) unremarkable.
If your wife was having partners and having orgasms and fun, then that is a GOOD thing! It shows that she's confident in her sexuality, has the guts to do what feels good to HER, and (probably most important) has the trust in you to be honest with you about her past.
If it bothers you from time to time, that's okay.
Just don't let her know that.
2006-07-16 04:21:13 · answer #3 · answered by Jessie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think your diminishing sex life is related to her being promiscuous all those years. Maybe it's something related to the pressures of everyday life...I don't know your situation. And yes, it is a little weird that it bothers you NOW. All I can suggest is that you have a heart to heart talk with her instead of making assumptions and getting all sorts of crazy ideas in your head. It's better to talk these things out. Good luck to you.
2016-03-27 07:30:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your doubt (bother) is based on her past behavior(s), so you question whether she will do it again in the future. Reasonable logic, but this way of thinking will consume you. Realize she is human, and that statically, she is more likely than not to stray at least once during your marriage. So are you. Not a justification by any means, but it's important to understand the complex reality of relationships. Love her now all you can, she will do the same back. If all goes well. then great. If they don't, communicate, then get past it. There's more to enjoying life than just letting your imagination run, and your stomach churn.
2006-07-16 04:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by Jack Meoff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a matter you should have resolved for yourself long before you got deep into the relationship, let alone before you married her. Is she faithful to you? Do you two love each other? If so, these are the standards for a successful relationship. To go to her past and dredge up her old boyfriends now that you're married is unfair to her. I believe you when you state that you are a loving husband who wants the best for your wife, but shoving her past at her, and making her feel guilty about it will do more harm than good, and it could end your marriage. The past is the past, leave it alone.
2006-07-16 04:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Grudge 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same position you are. It is only natural to feel the way that you do. Regardless you love your wife and it is not fair to place judgement on actions that took place before you were together (I don't mean to imply that you are judging I am just saying). Anyway, what matters is what is happening now. If she is faithful and there are no trust issues, your fine.
Regardless, don't feel guilty for being bothered by her past. I feel the same way about my wife. The more time goes by the less it gets to me. It is also important to talk to her about it ( assuming you already haven't). I told my wife that her past his unsetteling to me but I love her anyway and I don't judge her. It felt good just telling her that I have some conflicting feelings about it.
2006-07-16 04:12:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it shouldn't and basically it doesn't concern you. It's not like you or her can change the past. She was young once, and so was you. Don't let it bother you. What happened in the past you need to leave there. This was before you. If you keep bringing up her past, then it'll eventually cause problems. Like I said earlier, it's not like anything can be done about it. Present and future is a different story. Best of luck to you........
2006-07-16 06:03:35 · answer #8 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would bother me a lot, but that's just me personally. It's kind of one of those make or break things for me ... I can't go out with a girl if she's done skanky things in the past, I just kind of lose my respect for her after that. I like really feminine women, and to me being some sort of sex fiend doesn't come across as too attractive or cute to me. I realize I'm hypocritical because I'm not the most pure person myself either, but sex just seems less special when I imagine all the other guys who have had it with her.
My girlfriend was a virgin before I met her, she was saving herself for the right person, and that was a total turn-on for me. I guess I just like innocent girls...
2006-07-16 04:19:52 · answer #9 · answered by Emmet 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She may have slept around because she may not have liked who she was....she married you because she likes who she is since she's been with you. You bring out the best in her...and she does love and appreciate you for that. There's no need for you to feel insecure or jealous...and I can almost guarantee that she's not so proud of her past...but I'll bet she's real proud to be your wife!! Please let her past go, she's not the same person...and congratulations to you for helping her find herself, something she never found in any other man.
2006-07-16 05:30:27 · answer #10 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋