2006-07-16 01:36:40 · 23 answers · asked by paco 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Write it, but DON'T mail it
2006-07-16 02:18:13 · answer #1 · answered by dixie_til_i_die 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry, because this advice can't be "sure go ahead"
Look, You got a divorce. You are basically done with getting things off of your chest. Its past that point now.
If you have lingering feelings good or bad, the better thing to do would be to simply write them down in a journal or a blog if you have to, and work through them yourself.
Sending her a letter about your feelings is not a good idea. She doesn't have to help you sort through them. She might even be resentful of it. Whether she caused those feelings or not, the best thing to do, is to pick another avenue of closure. One that doesn't involve the person who made you need that closure in the first place.
Just the fact that you still have things on your chest means that you are not ready to accept and move on...but I can tell you now, writing and sending a letter is not going to help you get any closer to moving on. It just keeps open a line of comunication with a person, who I can only assume (since she is your ex) was not all that easy to communicate with to start with.
At any rate whatever you choose to do, good luck.
2006-07-16 08:58:20 · answer #2 · answered by luckybluebunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not, unless you want to stir up some unnecessary crap. Write the letter if you must, and then destroy it, if it will make you feel better. An ex is just that...X. Just go about your life and try to forget the bad things that happened between you. You write that letter and you won't be hurting anyone but yourself. Move on and put that energy and anger into something positive, like helping those who are not as fortunate as yourself.
2006-07-16 09:11:50 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Writing is one of the best therapy's, there is. By all means, write, then write some more - but wait for awhile before sending her any of these letters. Re-read them for yourself first. If you want to tell her where you went wrong and where she went wrong there is nothing wrong with that. But if you just want to blame everything on her, that's no more fair than if everything is blamed on you. It takes TWO to make a marriage and TWO to break it. No matter how innocent one person appears to be, even that innocence could be part of the reason for the breakup. I know because I was completely innocent of any wrong doing in my marriage, and because I was so "good" this drove my ex nuts, the harder I tried, the worse he felt. In the end he felt there was nothing he could do to "look good" in other peoples eyes compared to me, and this made him (he felt) look "bad". So he became worse. I did not do this purposely by any means - I was just trying to be a good wife.
2006-07-16 08:49:18 · answer #4 · answered by arvecar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, do it. But I wouldn't bother to send this to her. Let her move on. Your relationship with her has ended. If your intention is to stab at her, or punish her, or seek some sort of revenge, let it go. Neither of you will benefit from spreading more anger and hurt.
If you are writing to confess some great sin or come out of some closet, don't send it to her. She doesn't need to know.
Write whatever you like or whatever you need to, then destroy it. Sharing with her now is a mistake, The time to share with her was when you were married.
2006-07-16 08:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by silly_nut 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting divorced is hard enough, so if you want to make it a bit easier by explaining your reasons to her without making her feel bad, then go ahead. It is always wise to remain friends with your ex.
I wouldn't advise you to go on a blamestorming exercise, that will only worsen things. The marriage is over and done with now, there's no need to go fighting again.
2006-07-16 08:57:23 · answer #6 · answered by b1ackeyze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that's a man for ya. Leaves you hanging to see what he wanted off his chest. What do you just want us to make up the topic of your thoughts to the ex this week. Well I don't have that much time or drugs, sorry.
2006-07-16 09:44:50 · answer #7 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Writing things down is good for people. Sometimes it's not wise to mail certain things but instead keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings.
2006-07-16 08:41:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good idea to write whatever it was/is that pissed you off about your ex, but I wouldn't send it to her. I would just write and write and write until there was nothing left, then burn it. This way, you have it all out of your system, and you haven't burdened her with it. She's out of your life, and she doesn't need it.
2006-07-16 09:27:42 · answer #9 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're divorced now,that meas it been over for awhile,
You sound like a girly how about a little overtime on the job. Thats how men WORK through it. Girlys sit around brooding about that type of crap not men.
Get over it!
2006-07-16 09:03:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends what your motivation is. If you want to say things that will hurt her, than no. If you honestly want to mend the fences than go ahead. If it's all for you write it and never mail it. You'll get the benefit of airing your feelings without the hurt you'd inflict on her.
2006-07-16 08:44:13 · answer #11 · answered by ChrisH2O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋