I enjoy pleasing him but I just put too much of my own happiness in what he thinks of me. I give 100% each day & he's generally happy, but even before I met him, he's just been a type A controlling opinionated guy. It makes him who he is & is why he's accomplished so much. He's sweet to me & my daughter but there's always some dissatifaction lurking under the surface. We always have to hear about it despite our best efforts. I'm not going to cater to him anymore...I'll just be the best me I can be and try to please myself. There's got to be a mutual balancing, don't you think? I feel my stress level going down & my self esteem going back up to where it use to be just thinking about it. How can I stick to it and tune him out? Just say, "OK, honey" as his words bounce off that invisible wall I'm slowly slowly building up? Counselling is wasted time...he knows what he knows and he knows just about all.
2006-07-16 01:12:18 · 11 answers · asked by Sleek 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Great answers...I really appreciate them, you all. Every single one has been taken to heart and is helpful...some are pretty funny, too. To answer some of the questions, yes, I do have hobbies (belong to 3 social clubs) and work outside of the home ~ two jobs, both part time and I love my work (realtor and computer teacher). We're gonna "have a talk" ~ when I pull back then he shapes up. Yep... that balance thing is SO key. Thanks and much love!! ~Sleek
2006-07-16 06:08:29 · update #1
You're right, he is who he is and you cannot change another person. It's easy to tune someone out. While they're talking you start thinking of something. You're barely listening to what someone else is saying and the more they talk, the more you start to daydream within yourself whatever it is that you're thinking about. Sometimes when people talk to me I tune them out and don't say a word. I'll look at their clothes, jewerly they might be wearing and when I do look at them in their eyes I'm really thinking will you STFU already. Sometimes a look on a person's face will say it all.
2006-07-16 01:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you knew he was this way before and you married him anyway. It didn't bother you than, why is it bothering you so much now? You mentioned counseling being a waste of time.....Why is that? Did you expect him to change because of it? Didn't you get anything out of it? If he loves you and your daughter and is a good provider you need to learn to deal with this problem. Do you work outside of the home, if not maybe a part-time job would be one option. Try and find something to keep your mind busy so you don't have to think about this all of the time. Best of luck to you.
2006-07-16 08:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by goldengirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I am a male and I married to my wife for 9 years and I have 2 children and My wife and I learn that we need to show love, caring, and if we can't that fine and long we show for the kids and we sometime think for yourself it helps because if you think about your self and my self then it will work out great. That how we do and we are still are happy. We do have stress level and we do help each other alot and we do share feelings. and It help your self esteem too smile.
If he knows all about this and what it all about then you already save your time and just worry about your self and try to look after yourself and becasue not fair for you to do all that things and he like like what you do... he will need to learn to do the same with you not just you all the time.
2006-07-16 08:58:06 · answer #3 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a mutual balance, and you starting to do it now by ignoring him and getting your groove back. You already let him get the upper hand by allowing him to do so much for you and when sh** hits the fan one of the first things that comes out of his mouth I bet is how much he has done for you. And to say that ( he knows what he knows and he knows just about all) That's a hell of a statement. What comes out of his mouth and makes sense to you may get the responce of ( man, shut the f*** up talking that stupid crap, when heard by someone else. But over all I know you are on the right path now. If he can't give you 100% by listening to your needs and desires, that's if you talk to him about it, then you need better communication.
2006-07-16 08:29:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) should be a mutual balance but maybe you will have to give a bit more with a man like he is
2) Dont tune him out just when he says something you don't like tell him quietly and firmly if you disagree
3)If you let his words bounce off of you eventually you will explode.
4) Communicate with him, if you don't do it now it will only get worse later on (just dont bogle him down with boring details of work etc.
5) Have lots of time to be intimate and after is a good relaxing time to talk
6) Good Luck!
2006-07-16 08:41:22 · answer #5 · answered by Jan G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to tune him out you just want to be heard. Your opinion is ust as valid as his and when you disagree tell him, no need to fight but a good argument wouldn't hurt. You are articulate, and seem to be a genuinely caring person. I think you should get involved in some outside activity, like a college course that you always wanted to take, or join the local community theater group, if there is one. Something that is just you, and not us, and be yourself don't let him overpower you personality, although it sounds like he is used to overpowering people. Be string, I know you an do it, and good luck.
2006-07-16 08:24:57 · answer #6 · answered by Jim C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a motto that I use not only on my husband, but on others that will be with me for life...
In one ear and out the other!
When my husband is driving me crazy like that...I just either give him the 'deer in the headlight look' and try to look like I'm really listening, or I nod in agreement. But I let what he says that I don't agree with go in one ear and out the other. :-)
Yes, there should be a mutal balance. It just not always easy to obtain.
2006-07-16 08:29:36 · answer #7 · answered by PATTY H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either get a divorce...or just stay married. After awhile, you will stop caring... what he thinks, says and does.. He will start to get on your nerves and all you will think about is how you can get him out of the house for awhile so you can have some peace and quiet!!!
2006-07-16 08:33:34 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yOu live too much for him, do something for your self once in a while. Get a hobby. Start a group , sell some stuff.
2006-07-16 08:18:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you n ure daughter need a husband dad break,just leave him for a week then call him n ask him,if he is still mr.know it all,sometimes this helps.or write him a nice note,and put it in his pocket were he will find it and read it away from you,really let him no his a bug n ure underpants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-16 08:25:01 · answer #10 · answered by kathy r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋