I'm married and my husband has a drinking problem. I've tried to help him but he doesn't want to change.

Question

I broke off our relationship b/c I'm tired of his crap. Did I do the right thing?

Answer 1

There is nothing that you can do for your spouse. He is the only person that can change him. He has to do it for himself.

There are several support groups. Try these websites:
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
http://www.ola-is.org/
http://www.codependents.org/


Serenity Prayer

GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

I hope these help.

Answer 2

I know of a family whose father has been an alcoholic for many years. He also has several children that are all alcoholic or addicted to drugs. The wife put up with his "habit" for all those years and eventually she suffered a stroke and then several more before she was removed from the home. While she stayed with a daughter who was one of the only ones that didn't have these problems, she was fine and did well. Then she returned to the home and the husband's drinking. She was put into the hospital because as the story goes she tripped over an extension cord. That would have been believable except for the fact that she had suffered a broken hip, fractured pelvis, shattered tail bone and had another stroke.

So, moral of the story...don't put up with an alcoholic if you have done what you can to help. Unless they hit rock bottom sometimes, they never realize just what their drinking is doing. I have heard of more than a few people, including a Dr. who had to have their spouse walk out on them in order to make any impact at all.

Stay strong, keep the lines of communication open but don't allow him to suck you back in again until you are certain he's serious about working on this and getting it under control. That means no drinking period. AA could help...and there is also a drug out that when taken if the person drinks he becomes ill...however, I am aware of someone who used this method and he just stopped taking the pills so he could go back to the old ways.

Hope this works out well for you and him...

Answer 3

Yes yes yes! You did the right thing. I have the same problem. I have left numerous times but I always come back because he begs and makes empty promises about quitting. I pity him. He has stopped....for about a week after I come back, then it starts out as "Do you mind if I have just one to relax", then it gets back to where it was before. I am so stupid. I should have learned my lesson the first three times. I admire you for your strength! You go girl!!!!!

I had to edit and add this:

Dispite what Arayn suggests, do NOT sit there and think of the good times, the positives, blah blah blah. That will only weaken you. You say you have tried to help him. That is all you can do. His problem will drag you down! I have dealt with this crap for the past 18 years I have been with my husband. I am only 32. I have wasted so many years of my life just waiting on him to change, hoping that "This time" will be the time he wakes up. Yeah right. Lying ***! I'm really hostile about it right now because I am getting to the point of where I can't take it anymore. Don't second guess your decision girl!!! Take this opportunity to find what you are looking for in this world. You shouldn't have to change anyone to be happy. If they wanted to make you happy, they would change on their own, without pressure from an outside source.

Answer 4

As to if it was the right thing i don't know, but you can't help your husband change. A counsellor or AA or something else probably could IF he wanted to go, and you cansupport him in that. but if you are not interested in waiting around until he gets his crap together then you don't have a lot of other choices. Addiction is a hard thing to deal with, especially one which places extra stress on a marriage, heck, marriage is hard enough as it is without having other crap add to it. but as to what is the right thing to do in your situation, i don't know sorry.

Answer 5

Yes you did the right thing. You cannot help someone who does not want the help. However you should not be caught in his sickness. You show courage that may help him in the long run but frankly he may never change. Make you own life happy and let him choose his own road.

Answer 6

No-give him a chance to change-its important that u seperated from him-let him know that-you care about him-and desire him to change-AA and church and lettin Jesus truely into his heart-and give him a year and see where he is at in life-even if he seems perfect in a few weeks dont let him back-he needs time and space-he will try and play on your emotions but hold to your heart-and i was a weekend drinker till i prayed-Jesus im sorry for my sins-come into my heart and help me-be my friend-amen -- as Jesus said in revelation 3 vs 19&20 knockin on each heart to come in and be our friend--peace to u precious u have a kind heart -thats been kinda crushed-listen to bridge over troubled waters and take time outs-your friend david

Answer 7

YOU can't help unless he wants it. YOU don't have the problem. Whether you did the right thing is still undecided. And it depends if it was unsafe for you to stay....i.e. did he spend the rent money, physically abuse, ect. But he won't change until he wants to, nothing you can do to start that process including leaving.

Answer 8

You asked a question for this problem. That means you still have some love left for him. Think of all the good times. send him an email giving the man all the reasons you love him. and then tell him that he would be your ideal man if he quit drinking. Tell him "its that simple". See how this goes. (if you already did this...try something different then)

Answer 9

I'm right there with you. His whole family has the problem. Even after his mom and older brother died from cirrious of the liver the rest of them continue to drink heavy. At least mine turns into a nice drunk,

Answer 10

if he doesn't want to help him self u can't make him and yes u did The right thing if he really loves u he'll change if not I'll be hard but u'll get over him and find some-1 better good luck