Is it possible to love someone as much as your first wife.?

Question

I have been separated from my wife and first love for 2 months now. People tell me that I will find someone that really loves me and that I will be happy. I just feel that I cannot love anyone that way again. I still feel commited to her, and definatly have not moved on. I have such a hard time moving forward when I spend all my time looking over my shoulder waiting for her to love me agian. I am in total limbo, scared to move ahead, but holding onto a past that is dead. I just still love her so much and don't know how to just forget about her. I never thought I would be in this position...ever. Has anyone ever felt like this and moved on to find happiness? If so I would love to hear you story. I just feel like she is the ONLY ONE I could ever love. Thanks for hearing me out.

Answer 1

It takes time to get over someone that you really love. But, you need to move on! It can take a long while to move on and it hurts! But it is necessary. She might come back but most times she will not, or she should not. Depending on the situation. The truth is..if she don't want you no more than you need to not want her no more! If you keep on with thinking that she is still the one for you, you will loose in the end your self respect, dignity, time, money and her respect. You really just need to learn to live without her and be happy on your own. That is the key to a successful life these days. With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce and the ones that stay together alot of times they are not both very happy. It takes two people to make one relationship work and both people need to be committed to the relationship and each other. When one person ops out than its all over. One person cannot make a relationship work at all. That is why marriages are so very difficult to maintain over the long hall

Answer 2

Yes, I believe it is possible.
I also believe that every person is different.
I do believe that there are people who move on after a separation or divorce, and eventually find the love that they were missing in their previous relationship. There are also some who don't.

Since you and your wife are separated and you have not stated the reason(s) for your separation, you may want to suggest marriage counseling to her, to see if you can work through whatever issues you may be having, so that you can possibly reconnect and find the spark that you once had with one another.

If that is not possible, and the relationship is truly over with, then it is time for you to begin working on moving forward...but in baby steps. What you are going through right now is very much like the death of a loved one. In this case, it is the death of the relationship you once had with her, as well as all of your plans and dreams together. And the feelings you are having are all a normal part of the grieving process. This can be quite a lengthy process and it does take time...sometimes (on average) up to 2 years for people to work through their feelings of grief and loss.

Remember that you are in an emotionally vulnerable state right now. So it's very important to your mental and emotional well-being that you take very good care of yourself. You need time to heal and you need time to process what has happened. Some people start dating right away. The only problem with that is, they usually spend their entire date either talking about their ex or else mentally comparing their date to their ex.

Not a very good scenario overall.

You will find love and happiness again...
and there will be somebody else.

Just ask Elizabeth Taylor...she found happiness again 8 different times with 8 different people...so if ol' Liz can find it, so can you.

I have known several people who have gone through what you are going through, and all expressed exactly what you have expressed. All of them went on to find fullfilling and loving relationships with new partners. And you will too.

Have a little faith~*

Answer 3

Yep totally been where u are.. My first husband left me and our two children for another woman.. he was my high school sweetheart.. and i loved him more then life itself , he put me and my children through hell over the years, and i still couldnt stop loving him even with all the bad things he was doing.. i moved on enough to start dating hoping that if i filled the void that the pain would stop and it did to a degree but not totally..i still hoped he come back and make our family whole again..i waited for the pain to go to away.. waited for the love to die off like everyone said would in time.. but it didnt happen.. i had a couple of guys ask me to marry them and i just couldnt do it.. still a part of me wished he'd come back and id find every little flaw wrong with these guys and end up breaking up with them i even got the nic name run away bride cause of it.. seemed as soon as the marriage proposal was put out there, id panic.. 7 years i waited to wake up one day not loving him and wishing it was all a bad dream.. wanting the pain to disappear.. then it dawned on me.. i no longer knew the man he had become after 7 years.. he definately wasnt anything like the person i had married.. and i realized i was mourning over a man that no longer exsisted.. as if i were a widow.. Do i love my x husband.. yes i will till the day i die.. but the man i love doesnt exsist on the face of the earth anymore.. he is dead to me.. its now been 10 years since our divorce as of next month.. and a year ago last May i got married to a wonderful man a man that actually really loves me as much as i love him and i dont have the panics that i did in the past.. and i know in my heart i'll never have to feel that crushing earth shattering heartbreak ever again in my life...the scars are still there but he's patient and is helping them heal.. and i dont think they'll ever fully go away.. but u just have to find away to cope something that works for you.. and every day does get easier even if the pain is there it does get duller with each passing day..
Dont worry u will love again, it just may take awhile, but u will.. Good luck.. from someone that understands..

Answer 4

You will have to give yourself time. It is much too soon for you to be thinking about loving someone else now. Start by getting out of the house when you are not working. Just to be around other people. Start doing activities alone and with others, like working out, so that you can get use to doing things without your ex. Then when you start to feel at peace. Then you can work on just dating, then a relationship. It won't happen over night.

God Bless

Answer 5

Hey she must really mean alot to you , sorry to hear abt this. Well i am going through the same thing as you , probably not as bad considering that she was your wife and mine has to do with my girlfriend. To cut it short , my girlfriend left me some 3 weeks ago after 26 months worth of relationship. She was my first love and she impacted me so much that i just couldn't keep my mind off her as soon as she left me. Till today i still do not really know the real reason she left me but all i know is that i've got to respect her decision and try my very best not to bug her. i know its hard. i have been losing my appetite ever since and waking up at unearthly hours (2.30am - 4.00am) in the mornings and start tossing and turning in my bed feeling restless. i fell into depression many times and my A levels are coming in less than 3 mths time and i cannot afford to fall into depression. Maybe one day she might come back to you maybe she might not , but do tend to be more pessimistic abt this point. take it that if she comes back to , it will be a blessing , if she doesn't (**** just happens). Best we can do now is to mingle as much as possible with closest friends and target new people. don't let the whether 'you will be able to love the new gf as much as possible as your first love' affect you. just leave things in the hands of god. Open up your heart. i hope i helped. i myself aint very stable rite now , what i have done is that i committed myself to the holy spirit and am focusing on my studies right now. so try to occupy your time for now and be more religious. maybe someday somehow you will find someone better. Best of luck pal

Answer 6

I dont know if it is. I did not marry my first love. However, I still care for her and think about her from time to time, and our relationship ended 12 years ago.

As far as the wife goes, I am with you buddy. Mine left almost a year ago and we have been legally divorced for about 7 months.

First off, since it has only been 2 months, your feelings are understandable. Heck, it was nearly 3 months before I would even sleep in our bed again. You are going through some kind of h*ll right now that has no comparison, and it will take a while before it even begins to get better. There is no way, after 2 months of seperation, you could even begin to move on. You havent even gotten divorced yet. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED! First things first, give up on the idea that she is coming back. You are so hurt, even if she came back, you wouldnt ever be able to get over it. I know, easier said than done huh?

Do your best to accept that she is no longer the girl you fell in love with. The girl you fell in love with would not have hurt you this bad, right? What you miss, love, care for, want back, etc. is the girl she used to be not what she has become. Once again, easier said than done, huh? Also, and this is the most difficult, dont beat yourself up for her leaving you. Sure, we all have faults and could improve, but it is not your fault that she broke her wedding vow...it is hers. Dont fall in to that trap. Finally, and this is the most difficult, try to accept that everything happens for a reason...like, there is a bigger picture that we just cannot see in the moment. Sure, it is hard to accept that there could be any good reason for all of this pain, but there must be, right? I mean, what did you do to deserve this? There must be something good to come, huh?

I dont know if we will ever love someone like we loved our first wives. I think we will find girls that love us like we loved our first wives, and it will make us very happy, probably happier than we were with our first wives...even though we may not love them as deeply. It seems like happiness would be much easier to achieve if we didnt care so much, huh? Merle wrote, "Its not love, not like ours was, but it keeps love from driving me mad. No, its not love, but its not bad." I wonder if he isnt right.

I wish you the best.

Stay Up Playa!

Answer 7

I must first say that I took a HUGE sigh as I began to answer this question...

It's been a month shy of 4 YEARS since I completely F'd up the love of my life and it STILL hurts SOME DAYS.

It's hard, believe me I know, but each day, it gets a little bit easier, and as long as you KNOW you have done everything you can, then you really need to TRY and move on.

I have been trying, and so far, it hasn't "stuck" but I am sure having fun in the process...

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

two months is just a very short time to get over someone you love, i have been in your shoes and i had the same feelings but Thank God we were back together so I won't be able to tell you how long it would take for you to move on. but on the time when we were separated I was surrounded by friends who really really helped me to feel better. i was really starting to move on with my life and feel better by mingling with people and not contemplating about the past. take your time, share your thoughts, surround yourself by friends whom you trust and love, go out to places where you can have fun.. Good luck

Answer 9

Love is God's most precious gift to us . The more you give the more you get. It is not restricted to only parents,wife,children,relatives or friends.
You can love as many people as you want.
Great people like Mother Theresa,Martin Luther King,Mahatma Gandhi loved everyone around them. We should not use word love as someones personal property. Love is eternal.
Therefore go ahead and love someone as if you have never loved anyone before.

Answer 10

I feel for you. I am separated myself pending divorce. I am the one initiating it. It's a painful decision but I feel this is what I gotta do.

My soon to be ex is my one and only man in my life ( for 20 years) but sad to say that he is THE ONE who destroys my heart in the end. Found him guilty of having secret relationships with several women. Not that he admitted them but I gotta find them out myself.

To me, the hurt and all the lies from him make me think over how worthy I am to him. Though it is really painful to know that me and my 2 kids are second to his other women, I am learning to come to terms with it.

I realise holding on to the past aint gonna help me move on. I WANT to move on. Enough of being used and mislead by his "love" for me. Over time, I manage to visualise my life without him and it doesnt look that bad after all. I have my own successful career, financially stable, presentable looking and a circle of friends and family to fall back on. Now I am ready to ride on my new life.

Though my divorce is not finalised ( coz my soon to be ex refused to let me go just yet), I am living my own life without any man beside me. Have my two kids to channel my time and energy to. I accept that I do not need a man to complete my life at this point of time.

So, give yourself time and your path will be clearer.