believe it or not.....my husband of almost 23 yrs cheated on me with his ex wife and....?

Question

of course i caught them. the only reason i forgave him is because it was only on the net and phone nothing physical at all. but now here is the clincher. this woman wants me to be her friend and cant understand why i want nothing to do with her. am i being too hard on her. she told my husband via emails that she never loved her present husband but she married him because she settled because she heard my husband and i had gotten married. every email was her telling him on and on how much she loved him. she would say things like do you love me more than starla or just different and to be honest my husband told her he would never leave me but i still consider it cheating. he also said if i forced him to choose he would choose her but he didnt. ok should i talk to this woman or not.

ok he told her in an email he would choose her but when i confronted him he obviously chose me. she lives 2000 miles away and she and my husband no longer have any contact. she says she just wants to be able to ask me how he is once in awhile that i should be able to understand he is the love of her life. i feel crazy writing it down but i really need advice.

Answer 1

I think that I would steer clear of a friendship with her. She only has her interest in mind, not yours. I don't hang out with people are that selfish, why would you?

Answer 2

It wasn't physical yet which tells me that it was emotional. He was getting something from her that he isn't feeling from you anymore, namely praises and adoration. She was feeding his ego and really, men are so insecure and need positive affirmations. Men live for pleasing their wives, yet we stink at letting our husbands know how much we appreciate them. When was the last time you told him he was sexy or that you loved something special about him? Do you still try to look your best for him? Do you listen or nag? These are things that I did in the beginning, but I realized I hadn't done these things for a long time. When I picked them back, WOW. Initially he was skeptical, but I kept it up and DEFINATELY saw a major improvement. I read in a book once that "Love" is a verb; it's something you do. So, "Love" him. Show him he's still the guy you love and would marry again. To break the ice, I'd even tell him that you feel you've been neglecting your marriage and you want to start fresh and then SHOW him!
Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura. Normally I don't really like Dr. Laura, but she has some good insights.
As for the woman, she isn't interested in friendship with you. Kindly tell her that a friendship with her isn't where you need to focus right now. That your marriage to him is precious and beautiful to you and that's what you're focusing on right now. Don't talk too long to her, she has a forked tongue, meaning she's a deceiver. Be careful! She lost the right to know how he's doing when they were divorced. He isn't the love of her life or they'd still be together. She needs to move on.

Answer 3

No your not being too hard on her, your being too easy on him.

Ever heard the saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? Can almost guarantee that's what she's doing to you. She wants to get close to you so she can drive a wedge between you and your husband.

Besides that, what possible reason could you have for letting the woman your husband cheated with in your life? That's like buying cigarettes for someone who's trying to quit.

But most of all, I can't believe that he told you that if he had to choose between the two of you he would choose her!!! If my husband told me that his clothes would be all over the front lawn. You need to tell him that after whats happened it would completely disrespectful of you for him to continue his relationship with this woman.

I applaud you for forgiving him and trying to work on your relationship. You don't want to throw away 23 years, but that also doesn't mean you have to be his doormat either. If there is no legitimate reason for him to talk to this woman (children together etc.) there is no reason for either of you to ever have contact with her again.

Answer 4

This stinks. If someone tells you that they would choose someone else over you if they have to make the choice, then there's your answer. You already know you're #2 to him.
And why should you talk with her? She's probably just looking for inside information and an inside route to sabotage you and get to him faster. I'd say you deserver better and they deserve each other. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

with all thats going on in your life i cant believe you had time to offer to pray for my problem. thank you very much. i am sorry that you are going through this crap. no i would NOT talk to the women at all. and you need to tell her. off and threaten to got a protection order against her if she does not back off.
then she will face charges if she trys to contact you again.
as far as your husband goes this situation need attention still.
he has hurt you and now i'm not sure, so i'm sure you are feeling the same way. does he even care that this has hurt you?
i will pray for you too .god bless.

Answer 6

hes into the ex dont be a fool if you force him to choose it would be her thats telling you he really perfer her over you. how do you know hes not cheating with her, are you with him 24/7 something lady is going on wake up and you are right dont become her friend keep her at a distant i hate to say it your husband dont respect yall marriage and hes only gonna let you see what he want you to see hes giving her hope

Answer 7

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Just because you talk to her does not mean you have to like her, use this to your advantage, but if you do talk to her, be careful what you say, because you know she is going to relay it to your husband.

He should of been upfront with you and told you what was happening from the start.

Answer 8

why should you be friends with her she is out of his life why is she in yours seriously. i tried being friends with my husbands ex-wife didnt work we got into a fist fight at mcdonalds i broke my hand on her face but she did hit me first. they have two kids together so i tried to be nice we have one son together. i could have pressed charges on her and her son i tried talking to her about something her son did to mine.this bit** even sent me a mothers day card (last year) i was always nice to her and the kids but after the fight i havent talked or seen the kids in a year i do miss the kids my husbands visits them (he never tells me)but im okay with that and his whole family hates me im okay with that to my son has to come first in my life. so what im trying to say is been there done that and i have the t-shirt wipe that ex-wife out of your life dont talk about her to your husband change your phone number and your e-mail address get everything un-listed it might cost you a few bucks but the peace of mind is worth it.and try to spice things up with your husband keep your relationship fun and alive also i would talk about one of your ex-s say you bumped into him at the grocery store and he asked if he could take you out give your husband something to think about

Answer 9

i would definitly NOT talk to this woman unless it involves kids. she just wants you to get on her good side to make it look better for your husband, making him think its ok to talk to her via email, cybering, ect because you dont disapprove and even like her! you dont want to send that kind of signal to him.
i would divorce him (if your stronge enough to!) and then go to dontdatehimgirl.com and post his cheating ways on the web for the world to see! what a jerk to treat you like this!

Answer 10

SHOW HIM WHERE THE DOOR IS. IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN HIM A SECOND TO CHOOSE YOU OVER THE OTHER. YOU DESERVE BETTER. GOOD LUCK BABE.