Is it normal to wish you weren't pregnant when you are?

Question

Please dont' hate me for asking this question. I know it's terrible and very UNpolitically correct. I'v had 3 miscarriages and now I'm pregnant for the 4rth time. I don't do pregnancy well AT ALL. I get very sick, very irritable, VERY depressed and start hating my husband and thinking I made a mistake to marry him. This of course makes me very scared of having a baby and being STUCK with him forever. I don't feel this all the time or every day even, but every few days, and enough to cause me great deals of guilt and anxiety. My husband does nothing wrong, honestly, the worst thing he ever does is once a month he goes out with his friends and comes home an hour later than he says he will. But his very presence aggravates and depresses me. I don't feel sexually attracted to him and I'm angry that he says the stupidest things and wear the most unflattering clothes. I feel terrible that this poor baby somehow senses that I'm feeling trapped in this marriage because of the baby.

Answer 1

My fiancee feels irritated with me, no matter what I do, and it is not about being stuck with me,it is about not being able to continue to do all the things she did before. At 31, she had begun cheerleading again, had her career going great, we were planning a Spring wedding and fun trips and cruises. Now she feels bloated, regrets the weight gain, had to have her cheerleading uniform altered. Her diabetes was controlled by diet and exercise,now she is giving herself four injections a day, pricks her finger 8 times a day to check her blood sugar. She developed high blood pressure and requires medication for it. She often feels and wishes she had never been pregnant, has to plan for a wedding that has been moved up by 8 months and no "fun" vacations. We still love each other, I am tolerant of her emotions (doesn't bother me a bit-I owe her every comfort I can offer) and feelings. Her life changed so WE could have our child. The least I can do is change mine, also and be fully loving, understanding and tolerance. After all, I love her.

Answer 2

I had a miscarriage before and one pregnancy to term with my son, who is very healthy and grown boy now. I tell you what though when i had the miscarriage, I felt unfit.Mu husband now, then boyfriend, would've marry me anyway with me being pregnant or not, but I hated myself.I couldn't believe that happened to me. It hurt me so bad.I was very emotional and depressed.I got pregnant the second time only 3 months after my miscarriage and I felt almost the same way as you do now. I think that I was preparing my self in case I had a miscarriage again. Everything scared me. I used to cry, throw fit, and leave my house for a long drive without telling my husband where I am going.He was devasted from my behavior.I was a total wreck. Now, almost 6 and a half years later,I feel happy being married. I think your emotions are expected considering that you had 3 miscarriages. If you just calm down and stay positive, think about the new life you are about to bring in this world you will be able to overcome many of your bad feelings. Also, if you are not employed, maybe get a part time job it helped me to think about something else. Just remember you could've marry a scumback who might've leave you the first time you had a miscarriage.Yet, this man loves you and he is there for you.You and the baby you are carying probably mean the world to him.

Answer 3

I think that you are probably normal. There's a lot of hormones running through your skull right now and it's hard not to feel imbalanced. I have had friends from both sides of the coin you're on (can't stand him, want to be in bed with him all the time) I've never known a woman who was pregnant who didn't feel a bit odd at least some of the time. Try to roll with it and remember that these feelings aren't your true feelings, just a little insanity that will clear up eventually. Talk with other women you know who have been pregnant and you'll probably stop feeling so alone. Basically, don't be so hard on yourself, it will just make it worse anyway.

Answer 4

have you ever talked to him about it? told him your anxieties, your feelings, your dislike for him and his clothes? you should. give him a chance to work this out with you. in marriage you're supposed to become one and it's a priority to make the other one happy. that responsibility is upon both.
have you ever considered that him going out with his pals (even though it's just once a month) and his clothes bother you way more than you admit?
sometimes we might marry because even though we love him/her, we also have a certain imagination of what it will be like and think he/she has pretty much the same vision, but it might be a little diferent and that can bring us down after a while if we don't act upon it and communicate with our spouses and compromise.
another reason might be that you're not happy with yourself at the moment and you project or blame it on the people around you. there can be lots of reasons.

a baby takes a marriage to the next step in my opinion and you both should clear big problems before the family grows. but also, don't make it so hard for you to 'breathe' by telling yourself you're stuck forever with him if you get this child. I'm not an advocate of divorce and I'd try everything else before taking such a step, but if it makes every one miserable, it can be a solution. try to take things easier and try to find out why you're having these feelings and thoughts.

good luck with the pregnancy and everything else =)

Answer 5

Your baby is not even conscious of being alive yet, don't worry that he or she knows that you are having a rough time. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you the best of luck in your marriage. Who knows, this baby may bring you and your husband back together but it sounds like you could really use some marriage counselling or you guys really need to communicate better. Poor communication between spouses is probably the main reason people don't get along. Talk to him and make sure you guys are on the same page.

Answer 6

You poor thing... don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard to feel all happy if you physically aren't feeling well for one thing, and pregnancy does some drastic things to our hormones. You can't help what you feel.

Please see a counsellor. Being able to talk about this stuff will ease your anxiety and guilt. Finding a good counsellor can be exhausting too, so don't get discouraged if the first one doesn't work out.

And ya know what? Your doctor can help you too... there are medications women can take for feeling so bad... and it won't hurt the baby... honestly there is. And your doctor can recommend a counsellor, too.

I'll pray for you.

Answer 7

wow. Why did you marry him if you weren't sexually attracted? Try going to counseling, or talk to some friends. Talk to your mom? Unfortunately, you should've decided all this before having the kid. But don't do abortion, people will hate you for it, and you'll probably end up ....I don't know, I shouldn't talk anymore. I wouldn't know what to do if I was in your situation. I'm glad I'm not, I 'm not trying to sound mean or weird. IF you love some one you should get married, but why did you marry the guy? Is it because of the baby? From now on, if you don't want to screw up your life even more, don't have one night stands or extra-marital sex unless you can take the responsibility.

Answer 8

not trying to be mean or anything but if you dont feel sexually attracted to your husband then how did you get in the mood to have sex with him at least 4 times to get you pregnant....the best thing for you to do is go to your doctor and get on some anti-depressants( yes there are certain ones that you can take while pregnant) second you dont have to be stuck with your husband you can get a divorce if you are that unhappy with him also you can put the baby up for adoption if you dont think that you can give proper care to the baby...

Answer 9

You really need to talk to someone.
You are obviously questioning your relationship and wanting to be a parent. To say a baby is going to trap you, you shouldn't have been trying to have kids yet in the first place...
It is possible by you having so many miscarriages, it may have caused you some emotional grief and issues you need to get out and work on...
If you love your husband, you'll get through this...

Answer 10

dont worry.
i am 29 weeks pregnant and sometimes i look at this baby as the end of my life. its totally hormonal because other days i am more excited than a kid on christmas. The sexual attraction... its perfectly normal. i have lost all desire to have sex what so ever with my fiance. And sometimes i get so fed up with the way he does things or even talks.

do not worry. you are totally normal.
wait until after the pregnancy unitl you make any big desicions.