Can you do a top 10 list?

Question

I'm teaching a CPR class tomorrow and I thought it would be fun to add a (Top 10 ways to tell if you are doing CPR wrong) section to my ppt. Yeah it's only 10 points but just think how much fun you will have thinking up some good ones; who knows, David Letterman may be watching and you could have a new Career. So, have at it. Top 10 Ways you can tell you are doing CPR wrong.

Answer 1

10. The persons foot keeps rising instead of his chest with every breath.
9. Instead of getting a heartbeat, you hear your own stomach growling.
8. You thought you were sweeping out the persons mouth, but came up with brown stuff all over your finger.
7. You realize that this cannot be the proper positioning of your hands...you're getting too excited.
6. There is a crowd forming and they are all laughing at your technique.
5. The victim farts every time you give him a breath of air.
4. There is a large crunching noise every time you apply pressure to the chest.
3. The letters P.U.! keep escaping from the victim's mouth after each breath you give him.
2. The victim's body is becoming stiffer and stiffer by the minute.

.......and the number one way to tell if you are doing CPR wrong is.....

1. The person gets up and walks away....lies down on the opposite side of the highway from you and proceeds to die.

Answer 2

1. With every chest compression they fart.
2. Or worst, follow through!
3. When blowing air into their airway, their eyes almost pop out.
4. Or worst, they do, with follow through!
5. No, don't ask the patient to count for you!!!
6. Or worst they do!
7. When the patient grab you around the throat and says their going to kill you.
8. Or worst they do!
9. So always remember, never give them your name and always have an escape plane.
10. Don't forget to leave the bill.

:)

Answer 3

1) you know you are doing it wrong if you are using a cat somehow in the cpr process
2) you are doing it wrong if the person is turning a pretty blue
3) you are doing it wrong if you hear more than 3 ribs breaking
4) sorry, cant think of any more

Answer 4

I have one might not be funny, you are trying to perform cpr so long that the person gets up and says i choose death.

Answer 5

10. your hands go through the rib cage.
9.when giving mouth to mouth you forget and slip them the tongue
8. the heartbeat you thought you heard in their chest was really the heartbeat in your ears.
7.your hands start fondling her breasts, instead of doing chest compressions.
6.the gurgling you hear in their throat you think they are trying to breathe but you forgot to swallow your water before giving them breath
5.Instead of their chest moving up and down their head and feet simultaneously rise and fall.
4.while 2 people are working together to resuscitate the person you mistake it for a threesome and you find yourself becoming erect.
3.someone else mistakes your attempts for a threesome and asks to join
2.their eyes pop open from the pressure of the chest compressions not because they have been resuscitated.
1.wax starts flying out of their ears because you are breathing so hard into their mouth.

Answer 6

Those are too funny !!
I will have to think.