my husband got upset with me and came to the conclusion that he didn't want to be married to me. told me to go back to my moms in ut (we're in mt) i waited for him to calm down and work it out and when he didn't. i had to call my mom and tell her i needed to come home. he came back home after 2 days and a night of drinking, aplogized and begged me to just love him. when i talked to my mom the next day, she said it was still best for me to move back and let him work for getting us (i have a 17 mo old daughter) back. i've asked everyone in my life for help in making this decision because i don't feel that it is right for me to leave but am scared the same things will happen if i stay. he is now looking at it like i am letting my mom decide this for me. i'm not letting her decide it, shes been through it and is just looking out for me. what led up 2it was him going out drinking all night, not coming home, strip clubs. 4 him it's my sarcastic comments & him not feeling loved. what do i do?
2006-07-15 15:42:55 · 14 answers · asked by smtiede 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen to your mom and move home for stability for you and your little one. He sounds kind've scary and not ready for commitment. Sorry you're going through this with a little one.
2006-07-15 15:46:43 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your own peace of mind separate for a while and see if he's really serious about you. The time apart will help you and your child also. After a while if you feel the marriage is worth saving then, talk it out and Only you two should come to this agreement.
Your mother was very nice to open her door to you and her granddaughter but, her input should be talking to you, not making decisions for you.
The best of luck with this situtation !!!
2006-07-15 15:54:38 · answer #2 · answered by quiet times 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like some work on both sides is needed..but first..your main thing you have to do...you both have to do..is sit down and COMMUNICATE...that is so important...and do it in calm adult grown up conversation..not 3 year told temper tantrums.
you tell him how you feel without hateful sarcastic remarks and ask him what you can do to make him feel more loved...
and in return...let him talk..without interrupting and see what he needs from you..and tell him what you need from him..such as not going out all night..the drinking etc....remind him that he has a daughter and he would not want her to be doing this when she grows up...he needs to set and example starting now...you both do...and show her what a loving family is..both be home at night with that baby!
good luck
2006-07-15 15:48:33 · answer #3 · answered by joschaos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive been there done that too, i went through this for ten years with my husband and it was hell and i had two kids to take care of so i know its hard to think about leaving. he may have been upset when he said he wanted a divorce{so was mine} but thats hurtful and he shouldnt have said it if he didnt mean it,sit down and talk to him about it and ask him straight out if he wants your marriage to work if he says yes then tell why you get upset when he goes out drinking and ask him to try to quit for you if he agrees thats great if he doesnt then listen to mom if he loves you he will come around eventually by the way my marriage is wonderful now since i ask my husband if he wanted our marriage to work its going on 19years now. i pray that yours turns out the same
2006-07-15 16:59:05 · answer #4 · answered by kandiesmaid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok don't leave now. Give him a trial of 3 months and see if he can change his ways. If he can, well and good. Then wait and see for the next 3 months. Once he starts going back to his old ways, pack and leave and don't allow him to persuade you to stay anymore. From now on, if he goes back to his old ways, it means he won't ever change for good. He WILL revert to his bad habits. You can then leave without any regrets cos you have given him many chances to change.
2006-07-15 23:37:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your hubby is the one who ended it remember? He hasn't done anything great to make you want to stay it sounds like. He needs some time to get it together. Your mom is right, go home and let him have his "single" life that he seems to need. Let him know that he is the one who decided to end it, not your mom. Your mom just gave you a place to go. Yae mom.
2006-07-15 15:51:31 · answer #6 · answered by trainer53 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do it. leave. i disagree that your mom's rationale of 'make him work for it' is the right reason for leaving, but i do agree it's the right step. get away, clear your head, he'll do the same. if it works out that you get back together eventually, great - but do it with a clear head and without the pressure of on-again/off-again/on-again/off-again and the perceived guilt/frustration that ensues from in-your-face daily close contact. don't be someone that starts thinking sadly about 'what if ..' in 10 years. find out now.
2006-07-15 15:53:12 · answer #7 · answered by Nostrum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is not an easy one to say much on. Listen to your heart as you are the one in this situation and do what you think is best.
Best of all, take this matter to the Lord in prayer and ask for his help.
2006-07-15 15:51:48 · answer #8 · answered by Premio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you willing to put up with the stunts he pulls for the next 10 years? because he probably won't change unless he becomes a born again Christian, and then there is no guarantee that he would stick with that either...so if you are willing to live with him just as he is...
2006-07-15 16:17:36 · answer #9 · answered by snowcrablegs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you want advice from Yahoo morons... I would listen to your mother... she has to know more about the situation thany any Yahoo moron could possibly know, and she also has your best interest at heart... listen to mom when the chips are down...
2006-07-15 15:46:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋