During this separation he has basically "tortured" me (verbally). (I was seeking love outside of my marriage.... yes.. i know.. wrong... very wrong). However, during this time he has told me how much he still loves me in 1 breath, but in the next what a misreable person i am. A week ago he threatened suicide, but pulled himself up, and now he's putting the full court press on me on being my "best friend" again. I have told him several times over the past year that i don't feel the same way for him that i once felt and that all the abuse i have received from him has pushed me away further. But he won't give up. I hate hurting him more, over and over again, but he's pushing me too much and right now, i'm not interested. (p.s... i don't see anyone socially anymore). how do i handle this?
2006-07-15 13:59:13 · 10 answers · asked by pinebarrons1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You aren't hurting him, he's hurting himself by not being willing to accept the facts. Don't settle for his abuse and if it comes to it, go to the police and have a restraining order place on him. He doesn't have the right to make your life miserable just because his is!!
2006-07-15 14:17:57 · answer #1 · answered by lilbitadevil 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get suckered by that line! You aren't hurting him, he is hurting himself. You have made your feelings (or lack thereof) clear and he is still trying to push you, so he's getting rejected over and over, all he has to do to stop being hurt is stop asking, the average toddler can figure that out, but apparently its too advanced a concept for him. He is wrong here, not you.
That is exactly what he is trying to do, control and manipulate you but do NOT fall for it. Everything he does is going to be about finding a way to manipulate you, he tried being sweet, he tried being mean, he tried the old suicide routine, now he's trying the best buddy thing. But its all the SAME thing in reality, he may not even really want the marriage to work, he just can't stand that he can't run you and make you do what he wants and honey that is not LOVE, by any definition of the word.
It sounds like getting this guy out of your life is definitely a wise choice. You are probably going to have to step it up a notch though because he is not taking the hint. Tell him straight up, no bones about it, that its over to stop contacting you. If he doesn't stop quit answering the phone and if you have to get a restraining order to keep him away. Remember that everytime you respond to him (even if its negative) he is getting encouragement from it, he's thinking yeah she says she doesn't want me but she's still taking the time to talk to me so there must be hope. So stop all contact with him, being completely ignored is a pretty clear sign for anyone. Good luck to you and stick to your guns! I had one that pulled this stuff for 4 long years, even after he started living with another girl!! Until finally I said I was going to call her and tell her exactly what he was up to if he didn't stop. It was hell sometimes but believe me getting rid of him was well worth the effort!
2006-07-15 21:12:31 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey
how about start by becoming your own best friend, what would you tell that person..? how come you do not value yourself enough to put an end to disrespect and torture...? The best thing to do is forgive your self pray and move on! When you are in a bad sitiuation, the best thing to do is treat yourself like a great friend, think of you and your feelings, be SELFULL NOT SELFISH! Do what is best for self, not the other person-because he is scrambling trying to figure how to catch you, but feels powerless and then turns to negitive words and evil acts! Dont fall for it, be a rock for you! And by all means be strong! Hope this helps, go to church tommarow!
Take care, Keep your head up
2006-07-15 22:22:46 · answer #3 · answered by rayjenne24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to your police dept where u are from a take a restaining order out for him and if he call u or come 100 feet where u are at he wii get arrest i know i had one out of my husband before and it is good for one year and also when u file out the papers u can put down things that u want like for me i put down that i wanted the car that he give me what was in his name and the judge give it to me because i had a kid and need transportion to take from to school and something but the car was in his name but we was still married but separte
2006-07-15 21:14:04 · answer #4 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey this man needs help and the best advice i can give you is file for divorce and severe these ties, he is a rotten and miserable man and he wants to take it out on you, maybe alittle fatal attraction syndrome too, hurry dont pass go, get the hell out
2006-07-15 21:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by pisof49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think you two should see a counselor. It's clear that you have feelings for each other. He needs to work through his feelings of betrayal and anger. You need to forgive him for the childish way that he has tried to deal with his feelings. And, you need to re-earn his trust.
2006-07-15 21:05:43 · answer #6 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
after 2 years of seperation you should be filing for divorce dont give the man false hope if you are not going to get back together
2006-07-15 21:04:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the police and put a restraining order on him.
2006-07-15 21:03:44 · answer #8 · answered by S&S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he did that 2 u woulnt u be pissed but u want 2 move on so do it cause all u will do is cheat on him again
2006-07-15 21:05:07 · answer #9 · answered by DJOMB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get out on my own
2006-07-15 21:03:46 · answer #10 · answered by goodbye 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋