I've been with (and lived with) my boyfriend for almost 4 yrs and I'm thining of proposing. Any suggestions?

Question

He was married once before, but she cheated on him shortly into the marriage, so, I think he's a little gun shy. I've been hurt badly in the past too, and I never thought I'd want to get married let alone be the one to ask. This is the longest relationship we've both had and it's a strong as it was when we first were together. I know he's the one. Plus, if I do it, should I get a ring for him? I'm open to any ideas.

thanks for the input. although, so much negativity from the girls. Your dream wedding or engagement wont always be the same for everyone else. Pink proposed to Cary Hart, and honestly, I though that was the most romantic proposal i've seen in the media.Thanks again, and please keep suggestions coming

Answer 1

Please read this with an open heart and a quiet mind:

*Both of you need to seek relationship counseling together. . .do not be afraid of (or shy about) what a local church, temple, or synogogue can offer as ministers and rabbis are very qualified and, believe it or not, surprisingly objective and non-doctrinal about sensitive topics such as this!

*Your relationship is stuck in neutral. . .and it needs to move in one direction or another for you to be at peace with each other and within yourselves.

*It is not ideal for you to be living together if BOTH of you are not committed to getting married and working on being a couple together.

*If he truly loved you he would find a way to get over the past. . .and if he needs help doing this, then the counseling will help.

*You appear to be the alert one here. . .you "know" a committed relationship is what is called for now. . .and four years of what sounds like exclusivity should be enough time to know whether the relationship will continue towards marriage or. . .yes. . .a peaceful and mutually agreeable departure. . .so that both of you can find a different, appropriate partner and mate.. .you are ready to do this now. . .and you deserve to have a partner who shares the same goal as you do!

Do not fear the outcome here. . .one day at a time. . .start with counseling first. . .let the guidance and objectivity of a third person help both of you deal with this issue together. . .until you find the right answer for yourselves. . .and the feeling of happiness and peace in resolution this way will give you the courage and strength to move forward together or apart. . .without fearing the future or its uncertainty.

Best wishes. . .do not despair!

Answer 2

I had been with my boy friend for three years and he had no thought of getting married or engaged. I asked him if he ever thought of getting engaged and he said I don't know. Then somebody told me why would he buy the cow if the milk is free? I told him if he was not sure than maybe we should see other people to see how he would react. He said okay. I immediately booked a date and went on the date while my boyfriend stayed at home and cleaned the apartment. After that he decided for us to get married. I like to joke and say that it was a gunshot wedding with me holding the rifle but we have been together for over 12 years, married for 9 and are relationship is still going strong. Good Luck

Answer 3

so sexist, you other answerers!!! TRADITIONALLY, yes thew guy does the asking, but there is no rule or law sayingthe girl can't propose. There is a legitimate reason for him to be gunshy, as you say. I would suggest hinting at it, bringing it up in conversation somehow, see what his opinions on the subject are. If he is not totally negative to another marriage, the by all means propose to him!! This IS the 21st century.. ewomen want to be equal, here's your chance.

Should you propose, I would say yes, buy him a ring. Something simple and elegant. Don't put any pressure on him to buy you a ring as well, not right away.

Good luck!! Let us know how it turns out!

Answer 4

DO NOT ASK HIM. Studies have shown That if a man has not proposed after 2 years., he never will. He does not want marriage. I suggest you move on to someone else. He has it easy, you and I presume sex, so why should he get married. Get someone else because you are in for the long haul of no wedding. Sorry

Answer 5

a few years ago, I was in the same situation (except I am the male in your story)..... My girlfriend surprised me one night. I came home from work and she had rose petals spread on the floor over a tablecloth that she had laid over the carpet.. she had made me dinner (primavera, Ill never forget)..... She burned the dinner (i ate it all anyway and loved it).... She had a great bottle of wine to go with the dinner and then afterward she popped the question and a bottle of great champagne after I said yes... Hate to use this word, but it was AWESOME!!!!! I applud you for your romanticism and your nerve - there should be more women like you and my girl in this world!!!! GOOD LUCK and wish you both many happy years together.... PS... I would let him get the ring, because its the one thing in the whole marriage process that allows us men to have a way to express our love for the woman in our lives :O)

Answer 6

I would'nt do it if I were you. Don't you think if he wanted to get married he would have asked you? Why should he want to when he is having his cake and eating it too right now? He probably likes it just fine the way it is. This is the problem that comes when living together. It will only cause some problems.

Answer 7

dont propose to him, the man does that not the woman. Just give him a lot of hints thatyou want to step up the relationship a bit, but DO NOT PROPOSE.

Answer 8

in my fairytale wedding, the guy will ask ME.