Finally
My life once took a turn for the worst,
Everything was going bad,
I felt there was no piont in living,
I was far too sad...
Now theres this little thing,
And happy i can be,
Just a memory, a fling,
To finally set me free...
Free like a bird in the summertime,
Flying high above the trees,
Feeling the wonderful air up there,
The rush of refreshing breeze...
I can feel the heat,
Puonding in my heart,
Sometimes i feel like i have to fleet,
I guess the curves are just too sharp...
But I always find my way,
Through a smile, shed a tear,
My hope takes me through everyday,
To chase away my fears...
And finally, just finally,
I found what I was searching for,
And finally, just finally,
Theres one more open door...
2006-07-15 13:27:11 · 13 answers · asked by luvgal792003 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
This is better than the deep, intensely emo poems I've seen on here that have no rhyme scheme and no meter.
One thing you'll want to maybe work on it rhythm and flow of the words.
Some syllables are naturally accented and others are not. Try and form a consistent rhythm; this lends power and cohesiveness to the work.
An example of rhythm... let's take the second stanza.
You have:
Now theres this little thing,
And happy i can be,
Just a memory, a fling,
To finally set me free...
An accent summary of this would be:
NOW THERE'S this LIT-tle THING
and HAP-py I can BE
JUST a MEM-or-RY, a FLING
to FIN-al-ly SET me FREE
It will really flow if you make sure to alternate accented and non-accented, as such:
Now there is this little thing
and happy I can be
Just a memory, a fling
at last to set me free
(alternative last line: to fin'ly set me free)
Might want to work on a little bit more imagery and vivid vocabulary.
Other than that, though, it's good.
2006-07-15 14:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by harmonslide 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Poetry is usual for being cryptic, yet there's a distinctive between cryptic and basically no longer making experience. I enjoyed various the lines "there'll be no chains surrounding my ankles" Love, to me, is almost a reformatory. no count number what, you won't have the ability to flee. notwithstanding love would be solid, it is fierce, so I understand the poem, yet there are various lines that it ought to do with out.
2016-10-07 23:19:52 · answer #2 · answered by lininger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's quite sad. I think it is beautiful though. It gives hope and life a chance. Keep up the good work.
2006-07-15 13:34:10 · answer #3 · answered by shannonsmith666 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved your poem. You might want to clarify the sentence-sometimes I feel I have to fleet to "flee" if that's what you meant. To run away, to escape: flee. I like the hopefulness in it.
2006-07-15 13:39:54 · answer #4 · answered by Sunnidaze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's beautiful. But it could be offensive to someone- such as former bf/gf or friend. And to delbierately offend someone is never right.
2006-07-15 13:32:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good job sounds like a a lot of emotion was put in it.
2006-07-15 13:32:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweet and light, like a bird
2006-07-15 13:30:26 · answer #7 · answered by jarm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's beautiful.
2006-07-15 13:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by Leigh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
r u done yet??? it's ok.. you didn't rhyme in the fourth paragraph. you get a "c"...
2006-07-17 10:58:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cool....easy to relate to--- congrats!
2006-07-15 13:31:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋