How can you get over the anger you hold against a parent who has died?

Question

My father died last October, although I respected him and had some what of a good relationship with him I hold a lot of anger against him from the past. I had the chance to talk to him before he died but could not bring these issues up. Now I don't know how to let go and move on without having the apology and explanation that I wanted.

Answer 1

In the movies, they go to the grave or some mountain and talk. I think your anger will go away with time. If you're actually wanting to let go, then that's a good sign. Just focus on other things in your life since that's not going to be something you can actually change, other than to view it differently.

Answer 2

Shannon332 has the answer I strongly endorse. I have spent my time in counseling and my Mother pissed me off real good, problem is I didn't find the evidence until after she died. I wrote the letter and went to a mountain (her grave is 3000 miles away) where I set it on fire. A little yelling and screaming won't hurt either. All you really need is some privacy to really define what the problem is and vocalize it...

Best of luck to you. I sincerely hope this works for you. Repressed anger is a very bad thing and can lead to all sorts of problems and I do mean, physical, emotional and mental. Work really hard to get rid of this, it is more important than you may know.

Answer 3

Anger is an expression of our powerlessness to change or do something against an obstacle that denies us some kind success or satisfaction. As your father is now dead it is impossible to know wether or not he had any rational explanation for his actions or inactions. We are certainly perfectionistic and have at times unrealistic expectations in the darkness of what we really can not know. Are appologies and explanations what you really need. You certainly need to know why you are angry and what you need to do to find fullment for yourself as a human being. Struggling with obstacles that are real here and now for you is certainly more promising that carrying the dead.

Answer 4

There are times in life when you need to let your past go. Everyone has good times and bad times and I am sure that your father did not want to die and leave you. You need to focus on all the good times you had with your father and let all the bad things go. Remember your father for all he did good for you and for how much he loved you. Every night just talk out loud to your father and he will be listening and tell him all things that you wanted to tell him. Good luck and keep smiling!

Answer 5

Write him a letter & include all the issues you wished you could have talked to him about before he died. Then let i go.... It really is good therapy.

Answer 6

I definitely agree with the letter theory. Write one, just as if you were going to send it. Then ... burn it.

It's a bit romantic I know, but at least it will prevent unwanted people to read all your little secrets. And it's a good way to take them out.

Answer 7

are you angry with him for the past or are you angry with him for dying?

My dad passed away 4 years ago, and though I was never angry with him, and though I don't blame him for his death, I am angry in general that he isn't here with me anymore.

I think maybe you need to go to his grave site and just tell him everything thats on your mind. I don't know how much that will help, but it can't hurt. It's not healthy for you to keep living in the past and past hurt...though 4 years later I"m not over his death, so I'm not really the best person to help you with this...

Answer 8

Activities will help you get over it and try to be resilient cause it it life. That is the way things are and nothing will change that.

Answer 9

im sorry bout your loss but i guess you just have to stay strong and time will pass until you will recover from your emotions rite now