Your relationship had no communication or intimacy and when it does have communication, it isn't in reference to the relationship but more worldy conversation. When arguements happened they are bad. I mean bad. Throwing things, breakdowns, leaving someone stranded, etc.
You tried to escape but since the other person has nothing, they are dependent on you (totally.) You have no money to afford a babysitter since this person is watching your children during the day while you work,( they work too).
Everytime a small fight occurs you end up in a breakdown. Your soul is exhausted and no one will listen or be there for you, you are afraid of talking to this person b/c you are afraid of how emotionally uncontrollable you become, you don't recognize yourself anymore.
Everytime you express how something affects you in the relationship, the other person tells you how you treat them, as if they only see how they are being affected.
Therapy not working.
2006-07-15 11:39:43 · 13 answers · asked by fiestygirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey
You need to then be your own best friend then! Plain and simple, How old are your children? You need to call county and find out about childcare that you may qualify for. depend on him/her less and less. and then just leave, set yourself up a place. believe me if you leave, as you sound like you want to you will be fine. when a person is in the place you sound you are mentally and emotionally, that is all you can do, it sounds like the both of you are holding each-other back, therefore you are both miserable. Pray for strength and guidance, and GOD will help you, but remember when GOD comes to help you it will be with force, not always nicely setting you down, rather forcing this relationship to end abruptly. If you are afraid of becoming in raged you must leave!
2006-07-15 12:17:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would have started a trial separation long before it reached that point. Since it's already there, though, you probably need a physical to rule out anything that may be causing hormonal changes and a sanctuary retreat so you can reassess the situation and determine the next step. This can not be good for the child(ren) who have to witness it either. Their emotional needs have to be addressed as well. I would also recommend making another attempt to solicit help from family and friends and tell them how bad things are. Sometimes people don't hear the desperation because they aren't really paying attention. Make it clear that you need some help.
All in all, though, staying in that environment can only produce more of the same and it's not fair to you or your child(ren) to not do something different.
2006-07-15 11:48:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in exactly the same position without the children. Except I love this man, but what the hell is going on! I'm sorry hon... I can't give you any advice especially if therapy isn't working. Is there ANY love keeping you together? If not, then you should leave him and find friends or a daycare to watch the kids. Just because he is dependent on you shouldn't matter, you look out for your OWN happiness. When I moved away from my boyfriend and he threatened to kill himself, but he ws serious, and i drove 8 hours back home, he was soooo skinny like he hadn't eaten for the whole month i'd been gone... and guess what, he moved here to be with me and everything seemed fine and then things just turn in an instant and i told him to get out and i hated him blah blah blah, but that was two months ago, and he's still here. it's SUCH AN UGLY CYCLE. if you are able to get out of it, do it. be safe and good luck
2006-07-15 11:43:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship has to have communication AND intimacy.
Communication is a reference to the relationship and how worldy conversation affects it.
Arguments happen ~ but throwing things, breakdowns, leaving someone stranded, etc. is more of a push then a pull in the direction you two are heading.
If the other person has nothing, & are dependent on you, then I would recommend asking for help from someone you can confide in less than anonymously ~ only AFTER you learn to control your emotions when you cope - especially on how you cope - a simple step in that direction is to learn how you give incentives to yourself.
This way everytime you express how something affects you in the relationship, and the other person tells you how you treat them, you can smile at how you treat yourself and pretty soon you'll be sharing.
2006-07-16 11:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by Friday San 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, youre not saying if this is a marriage relationship or not but doesnt matter. This relationship was over a long time ago and staying in serves no realpoint and sounds like it cant be saved. If you are female, you can take your child and file for child support as long as dads name is on the birth certificate unless you have a verifiable history of child or drug abuse. Either way you need to move on before you lose anymore of your dignity. There are good people out there who willhelp you if you need it and that certain person,too,that will treat you with respect and love and for your child too. If I can help in any way just email me good luck
2006-07-15 11:54:51 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I lived this way for 6 years. He had no other place to go and no one else to turn to, so I kept him. It did neither one of us any good. His health finally improved enough that he was able to get out and live with a daughter. We are both SO MUCH HAPPIER!! We don't hate each other, in fact we talk about twice a week on the phone. We simply couldn't handle the situation. It was dragging us both down. I'm glad that it is over and wish him the best of life. The stress is almost zero in my life now. I feel better about myself. Think counseling (it didn't help us) or getting out.
2006-07-15 12:14:11 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need legal advice, and the best start is the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB). They will direct you to where you can get Legal Aid to sort out the house ownership, maintainence payments and his access rights to his child. You also have to face up to your responsibility for putting yourself in this position. Stop having babies outside marriage, where you put yourself into a weak legal position. It is easy to understand why a guy likes a live in lover, having the privileges of marriage without the costs, but women are daft to put themselves into this position. Your motto must be "no ring, no nookie". Don't make the same mistake the third time.
2016-03-16 00:20:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am married. I am 22 yersold, I have three boys and my relationship was just like yours for a long time. Beleive it's hard. But beleive it or not the only thing that worked for both of us is when we let God into our lives and let him work our marriage out. You might not beleive me or try out my advice, but I try my best to help people out by telling people how much God changed my life. I'm not trying to force anything on you. Believe me. I just hope things work out in your marriage. Good luck.
2006-07-15 11:47:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The relationship is hurting you emotionally. Therapy and talking definitely not working you need revaluate what you really want for yourself and for your kids. Get a daycare or family to take care of your kids, some states offer help to pay for daycare. Don't stay just because of that think of you and your kids. He depend on you, is he disable? no then get out of get your peace with your children
2006-07-15 12:10:32 · answer #9 · answered by 4thebest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tolerate that for about 5 seconds and I'd leave and never look back. I don't have to put up with anything I don't want to put up with.
2006-07-15 11:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋