I think I maybe anti-social...I dont have any friends and I am really shy...I am easily hurt by others and?

Question

take things personally. How do i fix its so that when someone is mean to me i ignore it and not distrusting people...?

Answer 1

if you look at all the symptoms that you mentioned, you will realize that the root cause of all of them is a lack of self confidence. take a moment, and think through this. if you were very confident in yourself, you would be experiencing none of these symptoms, certainly nowhere near to a degree where you would find them socially debilitating.

first, get off the labeling such as "anti-social," etc. this will only engender greater doubt in yourself.

now, the big question, then, is how does one, who happens to be deficient in confidence, go about acquiring it? this is a difficult one.

dispensing with all the minutiae, when you get down it, there are essentially two ways one can possess self confidence (in society). they are these: 1) one either somehow garners enough recognition, respect, friendship, etc. from others, the awareness of, and appreciation for, which will bolster esteem in oneself, or, 2) one somehow “inherently” possesses adequate levels of self esteem (whether or not deserved/substantiated).

the second of these two scenarios luckily "afflicts" many, especially in this society, and could be due to many causes, including, to various extents, heredity/genetics, constant reinforcement from family, friends, etc. during formative years, and, especially prevalent in this society, utter oblivion to one's own serious shortcomings.

you, unfortunately, don’t apply to this second group. for those like you who aren't "blessed" with this vastly simpler means of possessing self confidence, the road is considerably more challenging. once again, the bottom line is that, whether or not it is easy to admit, a person in this (first of the two, above) group must “cultivate” self confidence by the “generation” of “approval” from others.

arguments, at this point, about whether or not one should first possess self esteem in order to command respect from others, or whether or not self esteem as a result of “approval” from others is superficial, and that “genuine” self esteem can only come from within are little more than expressions of the classic chicken-or-the-egg conundrum, and are rather severely irrelevant.

fact is, again, living and functioning within society, your sense of self esteem is almost entirely dependent on your interactions within that society. your experiences and interpretations of those experiences, whether they be of academic/professional accomplishments, relationships with family/friends/lovers, your awareness of your particular place within society/natural order of things, etc., form, whether consciously or not, almost entirely your assessment of your existence and its significance. in, society, other people are inevitably involved in these and other various aspects of your life/growth, and, acknowledged or not, their “approval” of your “place” within society is integral to your sense of self esteem.

so, then, how do you get the “approval” of others? again, dispensing with the niceties, the only way to do so is to have relationships with “others.” these relationships may be of any nature, may be direct or indirect (although, more often than not, direct). but, regardless, they must exist.

one of the many, seemingly countless, ironies of life is the “catch-22” situation demonstrated here. a person who suffers from lack of self confidence is the least likely to be “social,” to seek to develop relationships, be “out-going,” etc., is the most likely to withdraw within, to avoid going out, etc., yet is the very one most in need of the relationships, social activities, etc., requisite in effecting the change necessary in bringing about a state of perception more conducive to productive social function. another cruel joke by a sadistic creator, for those who imbibe in such fancies.

so, the bottom line. get out there, and mingle. you don’t want to do it. it’s scary. it’s intimidating. you get way too self-conscious. you feel depressed afterwards. etcetera. etcetera. but, keep at it, and things will get easier, you will transform, like it or not. and, if you do want change from where you are now, there isn’t an alternative.

“shyness is nice
but shyness can stop you
from doing all the things in life you’d like to”
- morrissey

best wishes.

Answer 2

anti-social and introverted are two different things. If you were anti-social you might be the type of person who shows little to no moral value in your dealings with other people. You are just a shy person, and you take things to heart, that may be meant as a personal attack, or not, but either way should not be taken seriously. There is nothing wrong with having a distrust toward people in general, there are quite a few people who are not trustworthy, your natural defense for that is to not trust anyone until you get to know them. It is ok to socialize and find out more about someone before you place trust in them. you might even have people you socialize with on a regular basis, but you wouldn't trust them to everything about you.

Here is what you need to do, shyness or introversion is nothing more than a state of mind, you can easily break out of that shell and just be more open towards saying hi to people and being very friendly. After a while you might even get to like some of them to the point where you feel you can trust them. As for the rest of the people you don't really care to know, why do you care what they think or say? Even if they are attacking you personally (which many of them are not, most of the time personal attacks are mostly in the mind of the victim), why do you waste your time worrying about them. Just know the people you like and forget about the rest. That is not to say that you should not give the new person a chance, they might turn out to be someone you can be around.

Answer 3

maybe you are anti-social and don't have any friends because you have trust issues with people.probably because you've been hurt in the past and you're trying to prevent yourself from being hurt again so you prefer to be alone because when you're alone by yourself there's no way for you to get hurt.You're probably depressed most of the times and that can be contributing to your being anti-social or maybe you're just an introverted person. You should try to not let what others say get to you too much it can be hard to ignore but just try rather than you doing something that will get you into trouble and you'll regret later.

Answer 4

I am defiantly anti-social, habitually anti-social, and ENJOY being anti-social because people, given the chance, will screw you over faster then they can lean in to kiss your *** or call you friend at the same time to get what they want out of you. Most human relationships are based on need and or competition. What good are they then? Think about the last time you yourself did anything for anyone or wanted to be with someone else totally for THEM and not at all for you? You can't can you? And even on the remote chance that you could come up with an example of that which was homest and not at all delluded, good for you but trust me, the other people or person on the other end of that probably wern't that good hearted and were looking to somehoe use it to their advantage or for their amusement. Learn to live with and love your own company! People are not worth the time it takes to figure them out these days.

Answer 5

People with Anti-Social Personality Disorder are either indifferent to the opinions of others or enraged by them. They are very angry people. If you're not, then you may have something much less distorted such as social phobia, or maybe it's just social anxiety. Either way, if you're uncomfortable with it, you can try therapy. The most modern approach is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which gives you not only insight but control over your feelings.

Answer 6

The very fact obvious from your confession is that you are aware of this lacunae in you and also aware that this is not desirable. Therein lies hope of overcoming it. The trouble is that most others of your temperament are not even aware of this as a shortcoming. They instal themselves on a high pedestal and think, a la Shakespeare that those who stand high are easy targets. As time passes this conviction becomes almost a complex. Your awareness of this as a shortcoming holds hope to break out of it. It is not that people may not be hurting you, sometimes even deliberately. But do not hold that against them. They may just be taking out their frustration against you Understand them and pity them. In any case do not take this as a personal affront. Even if you are the personal target it is more as a symbol and not person as such.Try to inculcate this spirit assiduously and before you know you will be out of this evil charmed circle.

Answer 7

Go see a counselor at your school or ask your doctor to recommend one. They are there to talk about anything. There's nothing wrong with you but they can help you find your confidence. Sometimes it just takes a good listener and some outside input to change your life. Don't let yourself feel alone and so affected by what other people do. You CAN feel better, please don't go through this without talking to someone. It's no fun feeling bad and timid all the time.

Answer 8

You're not anti-social... you're asocial and an introvert. There's a big difference. If someone says something mean to you and it's the truth, then just say "SO" and walk away. If that's the best they can do is to say something that is true, then it's not hurtful. If it's not true, say "SO" and walk away because then they're just stupid for saying something that's not true.

Either way, there's nothing they can do to hurt you unless you let them. Took me 40 years to come to this realization and it has made all the difference in my ability to withstand the crap given to me by idiots of this world. :-)

Answer 9

You do not have to have alot of friend's and trust is something people earn in my book it is not given freely.

There is nothing wrong with you you just need to remember who you are and know within yourself that whatever someone says will not affect you. Respect yourself and let their opinions roll off of you as others here have stated or you will lose your mind for people can say very hurtful things whether they know you or not but only you and G-d knows what is in your heart.

Answer 10

You need to love yourself for starters.
If others try to mess with u in a bad way, you need
to just turn the cheek and say something nice,that way
it throws them off track. Dont give into their rudeness.
They are testing you, and dont give them the power.
Just think positive and things will go great. A bible verse
on the brain will keep negative folks away or turn them
positive.

Answer 11

You are like me almost. I am working on it, just basically by learning to ignore things and making an attempt to be social. Good luck, I hope that you lead a very happy and social life.