You see, I feel at fault too because I have this tendency to bicker and compare him to other men... and get extremely jealous when he goes out with a girl friend. I can't believe I ruined such a potentially good relationship from so early on. He really seemed/seems to love me, for he has done a lot for me. He's taken care of me when I am sick, he's always there for me when I am down, and he pushes me to do the right thing academically or financially. It wasn't until last night that he said that... and I am thinking that it's because of my constant bickering and comparing him to other guys. Should I keep him and stop this behavior, or pay for those mistakes and let such a great guy go, and learn from my mistakes for next time?
2006-07-15 09:43:31 · 13 answers · asked by confusedphilosopher43 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK I've read both your questions.
He's told you what he's not able to do. Are you willing to compromise on your original goals? If not, I wouldn't suggest trying to get back with him. Ultimately, if either of you go through with something you don't want to do you may feel resentment towards each other and the relationship may suffer.
About your other concerns, that you damaged the relationship, you can express these concerns to him and tell him you understand now how your behavior may have changed how he feels. You could offer to work on these things or tell him how you have changed/will change. Even this, however, is not a guarantee that he'd be willing to honestly give things a second chance and marry you per the original agreement.
If he had any reservations, he did the right thing. I know that's hard to see now. If things are meant to work, then time will tell. If I were you I would accept things as they are, make whatever comments I needed to make (about change), and give things a little space. Focus on these insecure jealousies you mentioned and have some "me" time.
If you want to talk further, please email me. :)
2006-07-15 09:59:04 · answer #1 · answered by blueskies7890 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you need to think about is, 'why are you so insecure that you must bicker, and compare?' If you do those things, people, much less a love interest are just going to think that this is what he is signing up for. Frankly, sweetie, life is just toooo short to look at the bad parts of anything or any one, (unless those things about someone are "fatal errors" with which you just cannot live -- dope, drugs, abuse, etc.) If a guy just thinks that all he is going to get is a hassel from you, he just figures in the end, why bother???? Probably some counseling could help you solve the problem of why you do this -- why is it that you compare??? and pick at something, and perseverate on the small stuff? These are personality disorders, and they make you not a good candidate for a wife and mom... It gives the idea that you nag, and cannot negotiate.... Read a book called The Assertive Option -- get it cheap on Amazon....Bickering is out, it is childish.......the book is older, a classic still used in psyc. classes, and worth every dime
My mom always told me, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all." I grew up with that as a child, and learned to "shut the hell up" when I had nothing nice to say. It served me well.... Helpful????
2006-07-15 16:58:06 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously aren't sure what you want to do either, he's not alone in that. Maybe you should back off for a little while, get your thoughts together and relax, then revisit the issue. If he's such a great guy maybe you should just accept that and be happy. You have a lot of figuring to do before you are ready to get married anyway.
2006-07-15 16:56:50 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be serious, you should stick it out and make the best of your relationship. Give him a chance, stop comparing him to anyone. He is a person with his own characteristics and you need to stop and appreciate what he has to offer you and be grateful to find such a great guy,
2006-07-15 16:48:29 · answer #4 · answered by young at heart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read the previous question and this one.
It seems to me that you have enough invested in this relationship that it is worth a little more of your time to save it. Although you are not married, a marriage counselor will be able to help you both see what is good and bad about the relationship. You can appreciate the good and then decide if/how to fix the bad.
Give it a shot. You wouldn't feel this way if you didn't love him.
2006-07-15 16:47:51 · answer #5 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave him y'all haven't been together 4 years or 5 years. you act like he has been string you along for years or something.If you said five years is your limit then wait five years. Look if he loves you and you love him then just chill. a good man is hard to find baby girl hard to find so when you find one receive your blessing.i know woman some times push to hard because where afraid of getting hurt or used but some times nice and easy dose it and start treating him like the king that he is and if he spends all of his free time with you and it's quality time don't be so jealous.. show him the strong,beautiful, confident, young woman you are,.show him the woman that could and would be a wonderful wife .. and read proverbs 31
2006-07-15 17:12:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have read both of your questions, i think he is a good guy most of the part, but i don't agree that he is going out with his female friend without you, why he can't make plan that include you? i would be jealous too. other than that, i think you are pushy, you are only 22, not 32, what's the hurry? live your life, if you are a good and attractive person, guys will ask you to marry, so work on yourself, be a more attractive person in every aspects, you can't make people to marry you, they have to want it from their heart. good luck.
2006-07-15 17:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Discovery 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
figure out why your bickering with him so much, stop comparing him ( how would you like it he compared you to some bombshell model or something), the trust one comes with time when you feel that he is totally committed to you, and just give him a chance. He sounds like a good guy.
2006-07-15 16:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by honiebee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your rush? I think it could be putting too much pressure on him. You've already made love and all that. What diference does it make whether you get married now? If I were you, I'd keep the relationship going the way it is --- don't rush so much. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.
2006-07-15 16:51:25 · answer #9 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not big on Philosophy R U?
Should should should.
Lots of shoulds & really deep down U know what's the best thing 2 do, don't U?
2006-07-15 16:47:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋