I'm 21 years of age female and has a 28 year old female friend. She does not always makes wise choices. She weighs about 215 pounds, goes to this one bar about once a week in our neighborhood and drinks heavily. She also picks up old men who are like in their 50-60's and she buys them drinks or buys them cigrattes. She french kisses some of these men when they thank her for buying them the drinks or cigrattes. Also, another thing that really concerns me is once I was with her she and this 50-60 year old guy went to the mens restroom for a couple of mintues. After this, I decided not to go to the bar with her anymore because I was embarrassed at her behavior and for my personal safety and wellbeing. She also has astma. I really want to mentor and a be a friend to her but, I do not know if I can help her in the long run. Her parents do not do anything they in fact encourage her behavior by driving her to the bar. She does not drive. What should I do confront her if so, will it help?
2006-07-15 09:36:58 · 10 answers · asked by brooke992002 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Sometimes, it takes, quite literally, an act of God to make people realize that the path that they're on is the wrong one. Sometimes, there's nothing that you can do.
By the way that you're describing her, though, and the way that you've pointed out her behavior makes me think that she has some sort of undiagnosed clinical depression. Unless the weight is hereditary, I would be willing to bet that she has a really low self-esteem, that she is in constant need of appoval. I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a psychoanalyst, but I would also be willing to bet that there are a few issues with her relationship with her own father, as well.
Promiscuity, very obviously, can be caused from the alcohol.
The only thing that you can do, as her friend, is to listen to her when she needs it, and perhaps read up on clinical depression. There are other means of taking care of it, OTHER than medication. Diet and exercise are pretty effective, and I think that if she felt better about herself, she wouldn't feel the need to partake in such destructive behavior.
To show your support for her, though, I suggest that you and her go on a diet together, and that you both join a yoga class, or something (it's been shown that 30 minutes of exercise a day can have the same effect on the brain as 50mg of Zoloft).
Listen to her, and let her cry on your shoulder. Make suggestions, but that's about the extent of what you can do.
2006-07-15 09:48:15 · answer #1 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hit her in the head with a baseball bat until she stops moving.
Just kidding!
Remember: TEACH, DON'T PREACH! Don't think of it as trying to get her to "do the right thing" based on your own idea of what that right thing is. If you don't feel like going to the bar with her because of how she acts... do your best to explain the way you feel, but, don't condemn her actions by being preachy. (I'm NOT saying that I agree with the way she is behaving) You could push here away by how you confront her. Stay humble... remember that she is older than you and respect the fact that she has more experience than you. Be supportive... find out if she thinks her lifestyle is truly making her a happy human being. Stay FUN!...Don't get bogged down in the negative. Try to engage her in some other field of interest... what things do the two of you enjoy (other than going to the bar).
Now, It seems that both of you have issues... She wants to gain the attention of the dirty old drunks at the bar because she is probably lonely inside or has a poor self-image. You seem to want to control her behavior. You ask "is it too late to HELP her..." Maybe inside you crave her attention and when you say help you mean posses. You may have to take a good, long, hard look at your self before you try to "mentor" someone else.
A good friend dose not try to control the other person. A good friend celebrates and reflects the good things about the other.
Sadly, sometimes you just have to stand back and let the other person fall as a consequence of their actions. If this happens, don't blame yourself. Just be there for your friend in a loving way...NOT in a "I Told You So!" way.
Remember: It's NEVER too late to be a good friend!
2006-07-15 10:18:39 · answer #2 · answered by Evil Id. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her how her behavior makes you feel! You need to make you open her eyes and realize that she is good person and needs to have more respect and self-esteem for herself.
It's always hard to talk to friends when you realize they have a problem that they don't care about or are in denial of.
If you sit down with her and try to have a serious conversation that's a start and it might really help her. Show her there are alot of things to do than go to the bar to pick up men all the time, especially men who have no respect for your friend.
Noones ever to old to help, she's 28 she's still young there's still time to help her. She needs it but she also has to want it.
The best and only thing you can do is try! I hope this helps you a little bit I know it's hard to watch someone repeatly hurt themselves.
2006-07-15 09:47:29 · answer #3 · answered by sweetgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend doesn't like herself very much at all. She shows that both by being heavy and drinking and all the other stuff you mentioned. Help her find ways to like herself, help her get healthy and help her find some self respect. Those are her root problems and until those are fixed her behavior won't change. No, 28 is NOT too late, not even close, people don't retire from work until they are 65, even that is more than 35 years away, thats a long time to hate yourself and get nowhere.
2006-07-15 09:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should confront her because if you care about her you would sit down and talk to her and tell her how you feel.Encourage her to do other thing such as shopping, movies, sports etc.....
She might be in some way looking for a father figure of some sort.Maybe she looking for love in the wrong places.Don't give up on her if she has been there for you. Sometimes people need that friend that is up front and striaght forward to make them wake and smell the coffee.
good luck on your frienship!!!!!!!
2006-07-15 09:48:39 · answer #5 · answered by lu-lu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't drive, she might not balk too much if you come over and take her out to do positive things. Go to the movies, go to the mall, things that would get her out and having fun but not making poor choices. Perhaps she would agree to take a walk with you a few times a week to the park or something. During these times, you could talk to her. Try to find out how she feels about herself and things in her life she'd like to change.
2006-07-15 09:43:09 · answer #6 · answered by blueskies7890 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes the best thing to do is to let go of friends that behave that way .i had a friend that was doing drugs sleeping with any guys and i honestly got tired of giving her advice she wasn't listening to anybody and for trying to help her and feeling bad for her i was forgetting about my own problems.
2006-07-15 09:44:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all have the guts to tell the truth to your friends parents.i mean it will in any ways help you to get your friend on the right track.you ppl need to be a bit strict with her...its in your friends benifit only.
2006-07-15 09:45:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change people. You can only choose to not expose yourself to them. She needs counseling badly. She's trying to take action / control / buy things to get attention.
2006-07-15 09:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by Tony T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she gets money for playing with the men in private.
you really should mind your own business.
2006-07-15 09:43:19 · answer #10 · answered by leadbelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋