married couples? is it normal to temporarily lose your sex drive now and then?

Question

I'v been married almost 2 years. I never had a CRAZY lustful sex drive with my husband but married him because I love him and he's my best friend. We've had really good sex in our marriage but I go through stages every few months where I can take it or leave it. I'm worried that it's him, because he is quite the jokester and likes to laugh and have fun a lot and sometimes jokes about the sexual act itself and I find it quite the turn off. He also doesn't seem to care if he looks good or not in front of me. He rarely wears cologne even though he knows that it really turns me on and he likes to wear big baggy t-shirts that accentuate his pot belly. Yes I sound terrible now. But I promised him that we would have sex tonight, and I really don't have any desire to.

Answer 1

Yes it is normal for your sex life to wax and wane. It happens to every couple.

If his jokes about sex are a turn-off, tell him. Husbands like to do things to turn their wives on -- not off.

Ask him to wear the cologne you like. Buy him some clothes you like and say, "I bought this because I thought you'd look sexy in it."

Men are not really mysterious. We want to feel loved, desired, appreciated, and respected -- just like you.

Tonight, you should think about why you love him. Then tell him why you love him. Take a bath together. Relax. Slow dance naked in the bedroom. It will be fine.

Answer 2

I see a couple of different issues here. FIrst of all, it's perfectly normal for women to have times when their sexual drive is less than others. This can relate to how tired you are, your time of the month, environmental factors like a lot of noise, and so on.

Now for the second matter. If you are put off by some of your husband's ways, try this. Instead of scolding him about what he's doing wrong, focus on the times when he is doing what really makes you feel your desire strongly. When he takes a shower and/or wears a shirt that you think looks good on him, tell him how sexy you think he is and how you want to have sex right then and there. Positive reinforcement always works better than negative.

There are ways you can stimulate your sexual urges. Try looking at pictures of hot male movie stars or models, and fantasizing about going to bed with them. Try masturbating yourself until you feel the need growing in you. Buy a vibrator. Experiment and find out what works for you. Doing these things doesn't mean you're cheating on your husband, if you use them to enhance your relationship with him.

Good luck, and have fun!

Answer 3

Lol. I always promise my husband too. He wants me to wear sexy things but what does he do to make it sexy for me he put on a lot of pounds can barely move his waist. Fantasizing doesn't work anymore. What i do is I either use my toy before he comes to bore me or after I let him have what he calls sex with me and most often than not I've got my other man holding me down. Anyway get your self a book of crossword puzzles to pass your time. Position your self to face the tv so you can at least have some fun. Have an ipod tell him that listening to it during sex really turns you on. Call one of your girlfriends on the phone and discuss middle eastern foods and occasionally let out a soft moan that is very important. If all else fails let the tears flow and explain that those were tears of Joy and you are so happy and blessed to have a man like him. That worked for me for like 4 years and now even i can't buy it. Oh to answer your question yes if you're mad at him. But if you loose is for more than a day you probably aren't attacted to him in the 1st place.

Answer 4

Yes, it's normal. Try getting him to join you for a relaxing bath tonight. Afterward, dry each other off and spritz on your favorite scents. 2 or 3 candles in the bedroom, clean sheets and there ya go! You'll be surprised how much you both will respond to this. Have fun - let the good times roll. P.S. Do all of the above even if you don't feel like it right now. Anticipation is half the battle.

Answer 5

Compared to young men, young women don't really have a sex drive. They endure sex to gain control over men. As men grow older, their sex drive drops steadily, so that by their forties and fifties they may be less interested in sex than their wives.

This is all really just evolutionary biology, man can concieve several children a day, women only one a year.

Look at it from the male perspective. How many men worry about whether they have enough interest in sex? They are either interested or they aren't. They don't worry about whether they are interested or not.

If you are concerned that your husband will become unfaithful or ucooperative in your relationship if you don't have sex with him, that is an entirely seperate issue, and has relatively little to do with whether you actually are intererested in intimacy with him or not. You have to judge whether other aspects of the relationship justify accomodating his desires, under these circumstances.

Answer 6

It is normal for sex in a marriage to sometimes be more active and sometimes less. Allot contributes to this, like stress, work schedules, kids, etc. But what you are describing to me reflects a bigger problem in your relationship.

It sounds like he is not putting a whole lot of effort into forplay, or anything that would make him sexually attractive to you. ZZ Top once sang "Every woman's crazy about a sharp dressed man".

It sounds to me like he has fallen into complacency in your marriage. He feels that because you're married now he doesn't have to work at it.

My recommendation. Seek professional counseling. You both need to air some stuff in a controlled, neutral environment.

Secondly, don't do anything you don't want to, like have sex. It will just build resentment that will be hard to get over.

Answer 7

Yes it is absolutely normal. Also you are thinking that because he knows you like cologne it should occur to him to put it on, he's a man, he doesn't think like that so help him along. Help him to make you happy and desire him, they just don't get these things its not his fault, he's not stupid he is simply male, and i bet sometimes you think thats a good thing to have in a husband. If you find something a turn off, tell him. Good luck!

Answer 8

my husband and i went through it. both of us at one point just lost desire for a while at different times. we try really hard to keep things spicy, and he deploys a lot so in a wierd way that helps since we don't have a choice but to go without sex for a while and then when he gets back we can't get enough of eachother. we also tried herbal supplements to increase sexual desire and it helped. by the way we've been together 12 years.

Answer 9

Yes it's ok for this to happen. Stress can mess up all sorts of balances in your body, including your sex drive.

It sounds tho there are things he could do to persuade you ;) I know it's a hassle to ask him to wear cologne and such, but here's something you could do. Since you know you're having it tonite, playfully run up to him and spray him with the cologne. Smile and say something like, "that ought to get me goin!" Back it up later with a compliment and hopefully it'll stick in his head. Or, you could pick out a shirt of his you'd rather see him wear and suggest that tonite he could approach you wearing it and nothing else!


Good luck ;)

Answer 10

I think it can happen...tell him to start wearing cologne, or if all else fails when you are having sex..just think about something that really turns you on..even if it is not him...