These sentences are from my self-introductory memo. if you have any suggestion to make the sentences much better, please feel free to do it.
Thx u so much for reading it.
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I’m a senior of CSU, majoring in programming, and I will finish my bachelor's degree within this year.
Working for one of the famous software firms, I am currently a part-time programmer.
Because my hobby is programming, I start doing programming since I was in high school.
When I have extra time, I like to watch movies, play guitar, and go camping with my friends and family.
By taking the Business 690, I expect to improve my verbal and nonverbal communication skills, and fulfill the prerequisite requirement of my graduation.
In addition, I want to learn how to prepare and deliver a persuasive speech, and I also want to learn to be comfortable talking in front of a group of people.
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2006-07-15 08:20:24 · 8 answers · asked by BBMak 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
You are a senior ATTENDING CSU (not of)
There should be a period after "programming". Remove "and" and start your new sentence with "I."
I am currently working working as a part-time programmer with "state the name of the company."
One of my hobbies is programming. I have been doing it since high school.
REMOVE "the" before Business 690. There should be a period after "skills." The next sentence should start with "This will fulfill . . ."
I would leave the entire last sentence OUT!
2006-07-15 08:30:50 · answer #1 · answered by jdnmsedsacrasac1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I’m a senior of CSU, majoring in programming and working as a part time programmer for a famous software firm. I will be finishing my bachelor's degree this year.
Programming has been my hobby and so, I started doing programming since I was in high school.
When I am free, I like to watch movies, play guitar, and go camping with my friends and family.
By taking the Business 690 I want to improve my verbal and nonverbal communication skills, a prerequisite for my graduation.
I want to learn the art of persuasive speaking. I also want to learn to be comfortable talking in front of a group of people.
2006-07-16 16:27:01 · answer #2 · answered by raj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're off to a very good start! One thing to remember is that the people reading this want relevant, efficient information. Say what you need as basically as possible. Good luck!
I'm a senior at CSU and will complete my Bachelor's Degree in computer programming this year. (an exact date would be better.)
I am currently a part-time programmer for a well-known software firm. (You could also just state the firm's name.)
I began programming in high school as a hobby.
In my free time, I enjoy watching movies, playing the guitar, and camping with my friends and family.
In addition, I want to learn how to prepare and persuasively deliver a speech to large audiences.
2006-07-15 15:40:14 · answer #3 · answered by lotsayorks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since high school, my hobby has been programming.
In my extra time I watch movies, play guitar, and go camping with my friends.
To fullfill the prerequisite requirement of my graduation I am taking Business 690. I expect to improve my verbal and nonverbal communication skills.
In addition, I plan on learning how to prepare and deliver a persuasive speech. I also hope to become comfortable talking in front of a group of people.
2006-07-15 15:37:01 · answer #4 · answered by minniemm33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Working for one of the most famous software firms" is a dangling modifier. There's no direct obejct (something to recieve the action).
Also, it should be "I started programming when i was in high school and it quickly became my hobby."
These are just a few hints...
Good luck.
2006-07-15 15:53:13 · answer #5 · answered by california_gurl16 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because my hobby is programming, I start doing programming since I was in high school.
You should say ...
I started doing programming in high school, and since then, it has became a great hobby.
2006-07-15 15:25:00 · answer #6 · answered by °kels° 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st sentance: take out "within", it's implied.
2nd sentance: change "one of the" to "a", it's more direct.
3rd sentance: all of these sentances with commas are feeling repatative, so this could be changed to, "I started programming in highschool as a hobby."
the rest seems great :)
2006-07-15 15:25:29 · answer #7 · answered by imahilarmy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
working for..........programmer?
Currently,I am working as a part-time programmer,for one of the famous software firms.
2006-07-15 15:35:02 · answer #8 · answered by vivek 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋