My friend has been with her boy friend for about 2 1/2 years. She is talking marriage, he loves her and wants too, but her kids are the problem. They don't respect him. What advice would you give her?
2006-07-15 08:17:43 · 14 answers · asked by Island Girl 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
about 9 and 13 years old
2006-07-15 08:21:12 · update #1
Come on Winnp1, I am happy with my marriage, didn't you read the question dummy.... She is asking me for advice...
2006-07-15 08:26:29 · update #2
one has reached puberty and the other not so far off.
it doesn't look good.
here's my suggestion:
the woman got to set aside two or three hours to talk to her kids, and send the boyfriend out of the house for half a day.
then have a serious talk to the kids. offer them a choice.
she tells the kids she's going to marry him and those kids got to make a choice. if they're going to keep acting up and disrespecting him they are going to be grounded and lose all their privileges until they decide to be polite and accept the situation.
or those kids can choose to make a deal.
here's the deal:
the woman explains to her kids that she has to divide her time three ways. part of her time is just for them, part of it is family time where the four of them are together, and part of her time is just for her husband.
if those kids want to keep some freedom in their own lives and have time just with her....they have to be polite during the family time and not get angry when she has some time with him.
in return, her boyfriend has to allow her some time just for the kids....for example, a half day each weekend she takes the kids out without him.
share out the time.
can her ex or someone else take the kids one day each week?
those kids gotta co-operate or they lose all of it.
2006-07-15 10:47:11 · answer #1 · answered by leadbelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry if the kids do not respect him the relationship will not work! If the kids do not get in line forget it! No amount of love will be able to cover that problem because the kids will always be a huge part of their lives. The kids need to respect him as an authority figure in their lives before there can even be ANY thoughts of marriage. If there is trouble now between him and the kids getting married will only make it worse!
2006-07-15 15:25:29 · answer #2 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If her kids don't respect him then she needs to teach them to. I'm married for the second time and my son wasn't interested at all in having a new daddy... but in the past 2 years he has grown really attached. She must tell them that he is the authority figure, no matter what they think. Best wishes
2006-07-15 15:21:36 · answer #3 · answered by colorist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask the children why? they just might have a very good reason for feeling the way they do. I just would not blow how they feel off without checking into it first. It also could be that if their mother stays single then it still gives them hope that their mother and father will get back together again. I am not saying they will but to a child that would be their hope.
2006-07-15 15:25:40 · answer #4 · answered by mr. Bob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's going to have to give them time..respect is something earned in time it just doesn't happen. She needs to talk to the kids and also her boyfriend to resolve this before she gets married or there will be some big issues that could mess up the marrriage later on.
2006-07-15 15:24:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she thinks her kids have no good reason for not respecting him, she should have a heart to heart with them asking why they are acting that way toward him. Maybe that will open up the lines for communication and help work towards the solution.
2006-07-15 15:23:42 · answer #6 · answered by FoodFreak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the kids don't respect him and she doesn't make them at least treat him with respect it wont get any better for him it will just get worse. He needs to get out and move on with his life or wait till they get old enough to get out of the house before he makes that kind of commitment
2006-07-15 15:28:56 · answer #7 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to lay down the law or she will be alone for the rest of her life while her kids move on with theirs. She should put them in their place and if they don't like it weill tough $hit!
2006-07-15 15:22:03 · answer #8 · answered by lifeislove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is the last thing anybody should do in today's world.
2006-07-15 15:21:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
two years is nothing you need to go to her in tell her that she needs to wait in that she needs to think bout are kids before she put him before thim
2006-07-15 15:25:21 · answer #10 · answered by tiffeany 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋