do you think i did something wrong? why are people so judgemental and jump to conclusions?

Question

yesterday i hung out with a friend of mine and my husband's who is a guy. my husband is deployed. i told my husband EVERYTHING and he doesn't care that we hung out. in fact he was kind of happy b/c this person is a friend that kept his wife company for a little while and helped out with the kids. but when i mentioned it to a female friend she gave me a reaction like i did something horrible and she isn't the only one who reacted like that either. why? i didn't do anything inapropriate and we're just friends. we went out to eat, with my kids by the way and then went to the park so my children could play and we could talk. why is everyone acting like i did something wrong? it's not like i hid it or anything either.....help me understand. also, would you have done it?

sorry i just noticed a typo. the friend is a guy. my husband is deployed.

Answer 1

I guess the question no one else has brought up would be, is there any sexual attraction between the two of you? What was this guy-friend's purpose in spending time with you? I'm not implying that there was anything at all other than friendship, but just asking you to think about it.

You are alone and could be thought vulnerable to a friendly, helpful guy. Many marriages have been broken up or damaged by "best friends". It doesn't start out that way, but often ends up that way. Just be aware, careful, and never drink or allow yourself to be put into a position where your guard is down. It could ruin your friendship and possibly, your lives.

I know you don't think that what you did was inappropriate but the fact that you have had so many negative reactions would indicate that you need to be cautious about your reputation. Even if you are completely innocent, people will talk. Now that they have a smidgen of gossip, they will be on the lookout for more. Unfortunately, you may be branded an adulterous tramp with no more than rumors. I'd suggest you walk a very straight and narrow line while your husband is gone. If you chat with any single men, try keeping it in mixed company, just to be on the safe side.

It isn't fair that people are like this, but it's the way they are, and the juicier the gossip, the more it's spread. I guess their lives are so boring they add excitement by finding fault with other's. It's your choice as to what tack to take, but I think that avoiding this type of situation while your husband is away would cause the least grief in the future.

Good luck. Be strong. Blessings to your family.

Answer 2

Your friend is probably just concerned. For some reason I have always related well to men (in a non-sexual way) and have always had a lot of friends who happen to be male. Women who tend to have all women friends don't understand it.

It's good that you are not doing anything behind your husband's back. Always tell your husband when you meet with this friend, and if you ever feel you can't, don't meet with him again. It is also good that you had the kids with you. You probably shouldn't be hanging out with a male friend without someone else there--that's just to keep either of you from ever being tempted to do something stupid, and you should always meet in a public place.

Be careful that you have emotional boundaries with your male "friends." Don't confide in him about things that should remain private between you and your husband. For example, don't ever tell him about any struggles you are having in your marriage or any ways your husband has disappointed you. Whatever you say about your husband should be positive, only things that if they got back to him, would make him proud and happy.

Don't ever flirt with male friends or touch them other than a pat on the shoulder or a hug. Don't seek out your male friends when you are distraught or need comfort. If you ever sense that a male friend may have other intentions or may have crossed a line, tell your husband and tell him how you felt about it. Then put some distance between you and the friend.

It's okay to have male friends when you are married, but you must put your marriage first and take steps to protect it.

Answer 3

NO you didn't do anything wrong. The fact that you told your husband what happened and he's happy that his friend hung out with you and helped you with the kid is a BIG sign that your hubby is trusting you.

You just said it, people are judgmental. Well, if this would help to make you understand, better ask your female friend why she finds it horrible to eat, hang out, and talked with a mutul friend. Ask if she thinks that you are flirting, maybe that's the way she sees things. It sounds to me that these people already judging you without a fair trial...Perhaps some cases of cheating rooted with the wives doing it with their husband's friends so people are so quick rendering biased judgment.

You, your husband, and his friend (or your mutual friend) know the truth and more importantly, hub and you communicate and understand each other. Give your husband credit because eventhough he's deployed he's not the insecure, self-centered, jealous type of moron.

Answer 4

As long as the two of you know the truth who cares what anyone else thinks!
And yes, I would do it if I were in your situation. There is NO REASON why a man and a woman can't "just be friends"
**Just be sure Mr. Friend knows you're only to remain friends and nothing more**

Hope your hubby stays safe!!
Good luck!

Answer 5

Because the friend is a guy and your husband is deployed. And people know what can happen when you get lonely.

Answer 6

You did nothing wrong. Your girlfriend might feel you did, but that is based on her personal opinion, not on what really happened. She is judging you, plain and simple.

As long as everyone involved knows whats going on and all are okay with it, then there is no harm done, regardless of what did or could happen. It's really none of your friend's business.

Answer 7

You weren't in a room or building alone with him, you had kids with you. You were in public even with the kids. Nothing wrong with that at all, you have no reason to doubt your innocense. If it were different, like no kids- it might seem like a date or something- and I'd say be careful, but it's not even like that.

Answer 8

I would say if your husband is OK with it and your truly just friends what does it hurt? I say go for it, but keep it strictly friendship anymore than that is crossing the line of your marriage vows :)

Answer 9

Tell your female friend not to be concerned, at least your husband trusts you. There is no reason that males and females can't be friends only.

Answer 10

why do you care what other people think or say, your real friends will know the kind of person you are.. stop defending the situation.. there is no reason to.