my mom is treating my stepdad so much better then me, she thinks i'm a trouble maker and she doesn't like kidz

Question

we have this huge sofa and my stepdad is sleepy so my mom let him ley down he toke 89% of the space then i have to to sqashy myself to the side i only toke 5 % of the sofa. one time he came back from work and we were eating dinner my mom keep giving him food and keep on saying how hard he worked all day and then i said i study hard too you know then she just give me a whatever look

Answer 1

I am sure that there is a certain amount of resentment on your part, towards your step-father, and the attention your mother gives to your step-father. This is natural, after all he is not your father, and most children/teens feel that that they should be #1 in the lives of their parents.(especially true of children who's parents are divorced)

If I were you, I would just be williing to go along with your mother and step-father on certain issues...such as the couch episode; when he comes home from work and wants to lay on the couch...just say..."sure, no problem, I'll just move to another couch or chair." ( this shouldn't be a problem since you probably really do not want to sit..close to him anyway.( which is understandable)

As for the food situation, eat whatever you mon puts on your plate, and then if your still hungry, simple ask your mom if it would be ok if you had second's.( I am sure she would not deny you seconds)

As for her going on about how hard your step-father works, I would reply,"Mom, I am sure .................works hard, and is tired when he comes home, and it is not necessary for you to continually remind me of how hard he works, as a matter of fact, I would appreciate it, if this is the last time we have this discussion.
If your mother continues to bring this matter up, tell her that you thought you made yourself clear, that it wasn't necessary to bring the subject up..again, but since she has..you would like to make one more point..." It is not my fault he has to work so hard, I had no say in you and my dad getting divorced, and no say in whom you decided to marry, that was your decision and his decision to marry you, knowing that you had a child to care for until the age of 18."

Do not speak in a disrespectful tone, just be civil and straight to the point.

I hope this will be of some help.
Good Luck, and God Bless.

Answer 2

This can go on forever...
Although this seems to be more of a rant than a question.

He's a stepfather. He's not blood, -1 point for you
Your Mom loves him and you have to share -1 for you as well
How old are you? My guess is between 11-16 why? Cause the hardest time for divorce/death is to reintroduce a new father figure with a child that age.

I am a stepfather and can say first hand that I have seen this as well. If you want I can elaborate about this, I will
(Heck, I'm going to anyways)

The two kids were 11 and 14, when I came into the scence, the father was abusive and periodicly outright violent. So the area was not safe for any of them, even though I was soft spoken, I found myself wondering how to interact with these two new teens. Luckily, they were open at first and things went very well, then I became I'll and had many surgeries plus their mother was eager to do something with her life besides being a bread winner and a referee over a hostile enviornment.

The teens still communicated but as the years went by, while one was strong with their commuication, the other swayed. The mother though torn from the withdrawl, knew that their was not many years left in her life where she could explore things that she had never done and be experimentive. After this, the father of the teens accidentally committed suicide by overdose. The communications luckily did not change but everyone perspective changed, their views and thoughts changed: regret, what ifs flooded the topics not only openly...

OK this can go on forever. But in my opinion this ias what I think:
He doesnt know you
if you are on here ranting, then you have some regrets over what happened to your father so the ability to get close to your stepfather is tainted. Lets face it, as far as you are concerned, you do not have to try cause you cannot find any reasons to.

The fact that your mom seems to favor him over you is something that you need to discuss CALMLY over and over again. But try thinking about it not us vs. him but about the changes that have occured and how you feel about it.

Do not expect this to work the first time, as a teen, you are hormonally all set up to just shut out and shut up. Dont just go with the flow either, express how you feel just be gentle about it.

I guarantee one thing, the stepfather is scared of you and intimidated and most of all hurt that you and he are pitted indirectly against the mother, he doesnt really want that but I'm certain that he doesnt have the first clue as to what to with you. So its up to you to reach out to him. Dont like it? Dont. But dont expect anything to improve with that way of thinking.....

Hope it helps.... love to say more but sure you dont want to read a novel.

God Bless and hang in there!

Answer 3

She's trying to make him feel good. If he takes up the sofa, go to another room. Do you possibly resent him because he's not your real dad?

Answer 4

Honey, she doesn't love him more then you. There are two types of love...one for our children and one for our spouse. She probably does feel he works hard and on the other hand she knows you study hard, but also again there are two different types of work. So try to give her break and not be so hard on her and do you think you are a little jealous of him? Try not to be she does love you/

Answer 5

lol, your mom likes your stepdad and wants him to love her. she knows you love her. I can just picture this whole thing too. It sounds pretty funny. hang in there, maybe she will give you some left overs too.

Answer 6

How old are you?? Maybe you should move in with your dad,if you can..That's wrong for your mother to do that..she needs to put you first after all you are her daughter..

Answer 7

Talk to other family members and see what they have to say about it.good luck.

Answer 8

That sucks.