i'm 22 and just lost my virginity to who i think i'm going to marry in the next 2-3yrs. every attempt at sex has some downfall, (i.e. pain on my end b/c i'm too tense, takes to long to insert ending up in frustration on both of us, he'll go soft after hours of trying to make it comfortable for me). very few times its wonderful, we still have yet to master this. sometimes if we do get past all of the above, i just want to stop b/c i feel stupid like we're not getting anywhere. he's got stamina, so after a while i'm like ugh, when will this end. at times i love it but seconds later he'll switch it up or in my mind something changes and i just wanna stop b/c it seems like we're not getting anywhere. like its just sex and we're looking for a finishline. how am i to get into this more? i like it, but i guess my mind gets off subject.
2006-07-15 07:04:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
you need more foreplay the more stimulated you are the more lubrication there is and if there isn't enough try ky or any good lubricant but not vasaline that is a no no have go down on you and stimulate you with his fingers on the outside and as you grow more aroused let him insert one finger and so on think about how you feel down there you have made this intirely to complicated if you still have trouble first start by masturbating this can show you what u like and how you orgazm best if you are comfortable enough you can also try masturbating in front of him hope things get easier anymore questions just ask also as a further comment on the first answer you received i don't see anything wrong with trying the shoe out before you marry it he could be really bad in bed and honey sex is a wonderful experience don't let anyone tell you its wrong or that the reason it didn't start well was because of god with or without god your going to have sex you are not experienced yet and need time it will happen and God will have nothing to do with it and if he is doing something you like tell him to keep going and don't stop I am sorry but i couldn't believe they said you had a tough time with this because of god everyone has trouble i didn't oragsm with a partner till i was 23 and well lets just say this person knew what they were doing lol. smile honey it will happen.
2006-07-15 07:12:58 · answer #1 · answered by lady heather 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you might have some stored up fears or preconditioning thanks to parents and such that are holding you back. (I did) The LAST thing you need is to feel guilty about all this. If he is patient and willing, you'll find ways to let yourself go. That's all you've got to do, just forget everything but him and the wonderful things that you and he are feeling together, it can be a truly spiritual experience, or a truly physical rush, but it takes time and you practising to relax and have FUN. It's tough sometimes, but you'll get there. When you get in that bedroom, just FORGET everything else, and push the other stuff out of your mind when it tries to get to you. Allow yourself to let go of some control. He's not going to judge you in a mean way for enjoying what he is doing to you, or you to him, or for having an orgasm. In fact he'll love you more for it.
You might even try being the one taking charge, or maybe a little night-cap to relax you... it all depends on where your hangup is coming from.
Good luck! This work is a worthwhile endeavor, I promise!
2006-07-15 14:25:42 · answer #2 · answered by vvxxzzvv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think all it will take is a little time and patience. It's not because of anything religious anything like God is punishing you. That is just santimonious crap.
Take your time with each other. I think the suggestions to try masturbating and to use some lube are both good ones. Get to know your body. If you can't get off via sex, then perhaps let him finish and then he can use his fingers on you. Don't worry, it'll happen. Maybe not the next time, but I promise that it will happen eventually. Relaaxx!!
2006-07-15 14:25:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't worry. Sex, just like everything else in the world, takes time and patience to get "good at." I had a similar problem w/ my boyfriend (we were both virgins). You can't expect to be a sex master after only a few tries! Just relax and enjoy the intimacy of the experience and the love you two share with each other, that was always more enjoyable for me than getting the big O. So let him finish, and don't "fake it" just to get it over with, b/c that means you're already lying to him. For me, I was just happy with satisfying the man I loved, and after lots of practice, MY satisfaction was quick in following. Gooooood luck!
P.S. You're not going to hell for sharing yourself with someone whom you TRULY love.
2006-07-15 15:41:48 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...MsKaren..You are not alone...This is something you both need need to work on together..he needs to be patient with you..you need to treat each other kindly..sex is not something that is painful but pleasurable..slow, careful, learning about each others bodies and what feels good for each other..You just don't have sex for the first time and it is wonderful..it takes time and patience and a great deal of love and understanding..talking to each other is very important...
2006-07-15 14:11:11 · answer #5 · answered by FloNightingGale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. I lost mine about a year ago unfortunately, to the wrong person. He walked after as that was all he wanted but it's natural. It will be a while before your body gets used to it especially if you're not doing it often.
2006-07-15 14:15:55 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with angeloffaith777. You should wait until the wedding night. Yes, it may be awkard for a while, but it will get better. But only after you are married. It sounds like to me, that you know better and it isn't working!
2006-07-15 15:01:15 · answer #7 · answered by ~~Catbird Woman~~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, have you tried oral? even though your new to sex you can still try it, he can give you oral its very nice maybe it will help you out to, make you feel more comfortable, have you permoed oral on him? myself i love to perform oral and recieve. but some people dont like it you can always try it. just dont do it if you dont want to though.
well i dont want to get to personal but are you getting wet down there? if its dry it will hurt. so maybe buy a lubricant for easier use or a bowl of water would work also.
you have to keep it wet in order to make it feel comfortable so if after 3 minutes your dry yous hould get it wet again.
maybe try a different position have you got on top of him? this way you have control of what is going on. even though your new to sex dont feel embarased hell like it and hpoeuflly so will you
sorry so long here.,
maybe you could buy a small vibrator to use yourself this way you can do what you want how you want and determine what makes it hurt so bad
-Maria
2006-07-15 14:13:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly, you shouldn't be having sex before you're married anyway, hon. i'm 27 and i have made that mistake. secondly, i can't help you due to the fact that this isn't right what you're doing. i think the problem is that it IS before marriage. if you were married God would totally bless your sex life and it'd be great and not have a problem. *hug* take care and God bless you.
2006-07-15 14:09:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
from one woman to another....if you have doubts,or concerns...that lttle voice...listen to it.make your choices carefully.you have a heart and a reputtation,wish you all the best.you will knnow who to trust if you listen to yourself!!!
2006-07-15 14:10:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋