Can men truly be friends with girls without having another agenda?

Question

My boyfriend is working abroad and has been very honest about meeting a girl and becoming very good friends with her. he has admitted that perhaps if they had both been single they might have got together, but as they are both engaged, nothing will happen. He says they spend a lot of time on their own and their colleagues think that something is going on but I shouldnt worry because he loves me and he's being honest. Should I be worried?? Normally I really trust him but I think that hanging out til 1am talking and looking at the stars etcetera is out of order for a man that is supposed to be getting married next year. What should I do, and am I being reasonable about this?

Answer 1

nope... as a man I can tell you that we don't have female friends... like Chris Rock said "We only have girls we haven't f'd yet... When ever we can we're in there"

Answer 2

I think you're being quite reasonable.
It sounded alright until the "hanging out til 1am talking and looking at the stars etcetera" part. That's just wrong. He should be spending his time with you, even if he is abroad. I know he wants to have fun, and I can see how spending his time with other girl helps him a bit. Maybe they find comfort in each other, but in a non-physical way by sharing the fact that they have these amazing loves back at home. She feels comfortable because he talks about you and how amazing you are, and in a way, she embodies you and makes him comfortable, but he may be seeing her as you and is probably thinking about you the whole time.
If you guys are engaged, he obviously loves you. Trust him and make sure you let him know how much you love him, and don't press him on the subject. It's VERY good that he's so honest with you.... If he hadn't told you about her, then you should be worried. But he feels comfortable with her in a way that he knows that she is just a friend and can let you know that, too.
Good luck and congrats on the upcoming marriage!

Answer 3

Men can be friends only (have a platonic relationship) with a
woman...and in the world we have to appreciate that our
partner will have meaningful relationships with other people in
his/her lifetime. However, it sounds like your fiance is crossing
the line a bit and spending too much time and in inappropriate
ways with this other woman....this type of intimacy should be
reserved for the one you are committed to. Talk to him honestly
about this. Sometimes cheaters are blatant about their behavior
and still try to claim nothing is going on...I wouldn't believe it...
but it would depend on the man, on your trust in him...but the
bottom line is it is way out of line for him to even be discussing
that they would be together if not engaged...that sucks and then
to stay up til 1am lookin' at the stars with her and claim nothing
is going on...something is. going on....even if not sex yet they are building
an intimate relationship with each other and claiming to be so
forthright......doesn't sound good. I hope you don't get your
heart hurt by them...you deserve happiness and someone who
wouldn't give another person a second thought...Best wishes

Answer 4

Yes it is very possible, but highly improbable. Usually long distance relationship rarely last. Communication is the key to any relationship. If you have concerns or doubts then you need to voice that to him. There is nothing wrong with your intuition, or "gut feeling", as many women would be feeling the same as you do. Just make sure your boyfriend understands that you're not an idiot, and won't stand for him playing around. If he can't be faithful to you now, then how will he be faithful 10 years after you're married? Think about all of this. Don't do anything out of impulse. I wish you the best of luck.........

Answer 5

normally they can, but when the comment about "...if we were both single..." comes into play that sends up immediate red flags to me. i even asked my husband (to get a guys perspective) what he thought about your situation and he agreed with me. if you're engaged, dating, married or in any way committed to someone then you don't go out with another woman/man and do things with them that you should only do with your significant other, and that includes looking at stars & talking untill 1 am!!!!! that's something my husband used to do when we were dating!!!! looking at stars is too romantic, in my opinion, to share that with just a friend. now if it were a meteor shower or some kind of astronomical thing that both parties are genuinely interested in then thats one thing. what you described just seems too fishy to me. my husband is in the Navy and if he were in another country and told me that he was looking at the stars and talking untill 1 am with another chick I'd have some serious issues with that. i honestly think you need to ask him whats up with that and what is intentions are while he's there. if he cant give you an honest answer or if you dont think hes telling you the truth, then tell him that you have some serious talking to do when he gets back. i trust my husband completely, but if he gave me that line i'd kick him to the curb (at least for the night) and tell him to get a life. if he cant see that what hes doing over there is wrong then he doesnt deserve you.

i hope i didnt offend you in any way. i just think you might be getting hurt here. Good luck.

Answer 6

Since he openly admitted that if they were both single that they would get together, I would watch out. I mean, what engaged man would stay out with another woman looking at the stars? I thought that only couples did that. He needs to respect you and keep the relationship to a work relationship.

Answer 7

Hi yaar! Congrats! You have got such a nice person. You can trust him because he is so outspoken and doesn't hide anything from you. You have mentioned that he hangs around till 1AM and he has admitted that they would have got together.. Come on yaar how could you've known this unless and until he told you all this? You are not reasonable for this infact you must have been such a nice person that he tells everything and anything he feels honestly to you.. All the best for your bright future!! :-)

Answer 8

Hello Jalozie:
Sounds like you are really missing your
honey very, very much. I feel for you.

I think that other relationships are great.
I don't think that people need to tell one
another every little detail of what they said,
did with their friends. Slow down...is there
no trust in relationships today.....

Keep yourself very busy with your life,
loving yourself, your passions, and keep
busy meeting others too. You don't need
to know all, and well, there are no guarantees
in life. Seriously, threatening someone, crying,
being bossy, well, none of that goes over well.
Just live and let live, and communicate that you
miss your love and be positive, positive all the time
(not some of the time!) and he will only have great
thoughts when his head swings around to think
about you when he hits the slumber pillow at night!

ummmm love can be strong, if we respect
ourselves first off, and keep busy. Who has time
in this short life time to worry and well, get out
there and live ....

luv
and thoughts,
Ava

Answer 9

I think that's a dangerous combination, unless as you say, you truly trust him.
Though trusting him is a wonderful attribute, girls can be very persuasive and seductive if they want to get a guy to hook up. I don't know what this girl is like, and I'm sure you don't either, so I would be very wary of her intentions. Doing 'romantic' activities also is a red-flag sign to me. I would have a good talk with your bf and ask him to meet her so you can get a sense of what she's all about etc.
Good luck~

Answer 10

Yes men can truely be friends with the opposite sex without having another agenda...
DUH...

How do I know, I have plenty of guy friends (some times they get on my nerves though LOL)

And my BF has plenty of girls who are friends ...

I trust him, and sometimes friends can be selfish and only want to hang out with certant or few people, so I don't take it personal when some of his friends just want to hang out with a few people and it might not include me.
I don't agree with it, but I accept it.
I have friends that do the same thing, and I fight hard to try to talk them into letting EVERYONE hang out together, but I'm not expecting him to do the same b/c I don't want him loosing a friend over it.

I'm willing to have a friend mad at me for tryin' to bring another one to hang out with that they hate for some reason LOL, but WE ALL get to hang out...

So what if yall are long distance relationship, just keep communication open and trust compleate... that should save you some headach...

If anything goes down, at least you'll know it WASN'T you fault since you gave him the benifit of the doupt
;-)

::: Peace :::

Answer 11

They can but rare that it stays that way. If I were you, I would be looking for someone close to home that I could see. Hanging out till 1 am and just looking at the stars, yeah, right!!! And I have a nice bridge over the Brooklyn river that is for sale just to you today and it is a real steal.