how can I keep my abusive alcoholic husband out and away from the house?

Question

I don't want to move as Ive built up my house, pay all the bills etc myself and I'll be dammed if Im leaving. Womans Aid was not for me.

Answer 1

restraining orders, police, divorce, change locks, get a trained attack racoon put under your front porch, make friends with a local bike gang and invite them to daily cookouts

Answer 2

From experience, hon: Addicts of any sort are already in a relationship -- it just isn't with you, it never will be with you, no matter how much you want it, no matter what you do, no matter what you wish, no matter how much you support them..... you will NEVER be important in his life.... nor will his kids..... Addicts are already in a relationship with alcohol, or drugs or gambling, or computer porn or whatever and sometimes with several of these!!!!!!. Addictions are personality defects, and they just aren't curable and barely treatable....... ask any counselor. AA fails miserably, so does Gamblers Anonymous. All them fail. Call them up: As THEM!!!!!. ('Middle stage"? Hon, he's a full blown drunk.). And even when they stop drinking for awhile --- be in a week or a month or a year --- it doesn't last, and they become what is called a "dry drunk". You will never be important to him, hon. Never. Too bad you have children, but maybe that would be your best reason to leave --- so that those kids grows up in a better environment than what they have now. And from what you have written here, anything would be better than what you have described...... You can't be that desperate that you have to stay..... You are nuts to continue... Get some help, hon, and get out, even if you are living under a bridge.... and life is soooo short, and your children's future toooo precious. you'll see what I mean when you yourself get into some counseling--- and it won't take too many sessions (like one!!) for the light to turn on, and for you to realize how hopeless this situation is. Good luck, hon

Answer 3

You sound like a very determined lady, and a very brave one too. You have built up so much, so, if he is living with you, remember, that no abuse is acceptable, and you have every right to seek appropriate help. Research it first, can the police help? Is there a relative who can reason with him? If you are in danger, you know how to act, if you have children, you know what to do. If he has left and is revisiting to cause you to be afraid because of his abusive behaviour, again the police need to be involved, as does a call to citizens advice where you can find information about how to have a retraining order, and injunction served on him, this will, if he breaks it, result in his arrest. Your determination will serve you well. Good luck, and stay safe, Although Women's aid was not for you, they are there if you need them.

Answer 4

I endured what you did for the children till finally I got up the courage to do something about it. I kept asking advice, but needed to take action.I was losing myself. The increasing stress, you become depressed, hopeless, self esteem spirals downward. File for divorce. Obtain a restraining order. Two years later I am safe. I have my home. Gone is the craziness of an alcoholic abusive person.Don't put up with it. Women's aid didn't help me. Go for this. Don't live this way. It only kills you inside.

Answer 5

Next time he comes over tell him to leave or you will call the cops. If he doesn't leave then make that call, don't use it as an idle threat. He will at least go away for public intox and they may file a restraining order for you. If you need to go to the local courthouse and explain your problems they will help you file a restraining order. Once a restraining order is in place call the police ANY time he shows up

Answer 6

For your own safety you must understand this; there is NOTHING you can do to 'make him' stop, or turn into a decent human, all you can do is give the appropriate response when he harrasses you.
If I were you I'd move. He will not stop harassing you until he has found another victim to prey on. Put your own safety first, an injunction is a piece of paper and no more. A piece of paper won't stop him. All the paper says is that if he is caught harassing you again he faces a prison sentance.

Answer 7

If you wish to file for divorce go ahead but if the house in in both names (either mortgage or tenancy agreement) he has the right to be there. You have to follow legal procedures to have this right removed. Firstly report it to the police. If he is being abusive they can remove him from house for 24hrs. Then go to a family law solicitor (check if you are eligible for legal aid). You can apply for either an occupation order or a non molestation order. Non molestation order will stop him abusing you in your home but the occupation order would remove him from the property or designate areas you can both occupy independantly of each other. The orders last for 6months but can be renewed once. If you feel he would simply ignore the order you can apply for police power of arrest to be attached and if he breaches order he will be arrested. If you file for divorce you may get to keep the house, if you have children apply for a mesher order or request him to transfer ownership to you so long as you can afford to pay the relevant bills yourself. It's a bad place to be, I know but there are options. Look into them.

Answer 8

You're right about not being the one to leave. You support the house and yourself and there's no reason for you to leave what you pay for. Get a restraining order against him and if he breaks it call the police. Get all the locks changed too. He'll know you're not playing around about this.

Answer 9

Advise others as ajob on options in such a situation. keep a diary and keep any evidence and in any event go for a restraining order. If really worried, get a personal alarm installed. Police in the UK have a target on domestic abuse so if needs be contact their domestic sbuse unit/womens helpline for advice...and a solicitor.

Hope this helps.

Answer 10

He has a right to enter if that is his house too. Only way is to get a court injunction preventing him coming within a certain distance of the property.At the same time, start divorce proceeding against him on grounds of abuse

Answer 11

Restraining order. No tolerance of him coming there, call the police immediately. Press charges if he violates the order. And follow through with divorce proceedings. You know all of these things now just do them!