Does "adultery" need to include sex ?

Question

I caught my husband on the phone, computer, and staying after their fire meetings whispering "I love you" and "beep me when your husband leaves and I will come over" to a married (3rd time)woman. I gave him 2 years to end the relationship.He refuses so I left him and filed for divorce. He refuses to sign the divorce papers. I am waiting my 2 years for the divorce to be final. He says he can't end the "friendship".That will be admitting he is doing wrong. His hours of phone and computer conversations left him even less time with his family. He's married to the DVFD for the 30 years of our marriage.The kids and I dealt with his leftover time. I refuse to except the little time he has left now. I have no family so this was very hard for me to do. I was just wondering if anyone feels that a relationship like this is adultery? He insists it is not, and he is just being there to support her in a bad marriage. He is getting support from her for our bad marriage also. Why not sign????

I left my home that was mine for 30 years, which was very hard. Believe me I made sure there was something going on. I also hired a PI and his report was I will get you photos because they aren't saying the rosary in the fire department after everyone else leaves. If it wasn't more than "friendship" he wouldn't tell her to "get rid of this" (phone ID) or ask where "He" (husband) is when he calls. I am a foster child have no family to help me so believe me when I say this was very hard for me to do. Also my vows were important to me and did not want to end up in divorce. I knew for my entire marriage that the fire department was more important to him and when this happened I knew when I told him one of them had to get out of the FD or I was out of the marriage I knew that he would choose the FD. It was hard for me to do to rip my family apart. I didn't jump the gun. I just want him to sign so he is a free man when he runs all over towns w/her and sits at her house every nite.

Answer 1

I would have to say no. Sometimes an emotional affair is more difficult that a physical affair for the reason that they (you spouse) think about it, put thought into what they are doing, as opposed to some affairs that are just sex. He shouldn't be talking to her about your marriage, he should be talking to you. I honestly don't know how you put up with it for 30 years. What he is doing is almost worst than betrayal. Ask him to go to counseling with you, and if he won't, then you have some decisions to make. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who will focus all of their attention on you, rather than someone elses wife?

Answer 2

No , make him sign those papers. He has taken time from you and devoted to this woman . He knows that if you had done the same he would be freaking out and probably doing the same. He sounds to me
like a man who was unhappy and then wanted to escape this world by going on the Internet. it is no excuse and half the time Internet love or affairs actually become a reality . the last thing you need is to put your children into this. let him know that if he is not signing that paper by end of the month you are going public with his behavior. how care he choose to comfort a woman he has hardly ever seen when you are there everyday with his children , needing his support. do not worry yourself anymore about this. you have made the right decision , now.. fight fire with fire and get yourself away from him . find someone who can appreciate your efforts. good luck and be strong

Answer 3

Perhaps we can call it pre-adultery. No one needs to deal with a self centered individual, that is if that individual has made a choice to "SHARE" their life with another. If you cannot get him to see the value of you and your children maybe, just maybe the DA can. Go to your local District Attorney, Child Support Division Office. They can give you your options in this matter. I'm sure they can help even if your not divorced. Try to keep your heart happy and a smile on your face, others will see how deserving you really are. The less time you spend trying to get him back the sooner you will find that you do not need his kind of love.

Answer 4

No, adultry would be anything that your husband would be doing that he wouldn't do right in front of you. Some affairs are completely emotional, and are often worse then completely sexual affairs.

Why are you waiting 2 years to get a divorce? Why not just do it now? Why not get a seperation and go out and get a man who really respects you. Sounds to me like he is a liar and a cheater. You could do so much better.

Answer 5

Well, he's doing something. You know that you can file for divorce under adultery even if you never seen them in bed. All you have to show is proof of a relationship......like phone conversations, letters and if others have seen him going to house or seen them together. All of which will have to verified by someone that will stand up in court and testify to this. In any case talk to you lawyer about this.

Answer 6

He's not signing because you are real, while the other person is fantasy. And, he is probably being a JERK!

Try filing under abondonment - this includes spending too much time on the computer. Adultery must involve sexual relations.

Good luck!

Answer 7

i worked with a woman for 15 years and we were very close we even talked alot about everything at work and after work alot on the phone..went out had drinks...my wife knew about it..her husband knew about it..we were always doing stuff..not one time did we do anything...although i dont work there anymore you can be friends with a woman even have a best friend who is a woman and not do anything with them...not saying that is what is going on here but that is what happened in my case

Answer 8

"Adultery" in the eyes of the law HAS to include "physical sexual conduct whereas one or both parties are legally married"

Now adultery in YOUR eyes may mean something else.

Just because someone doesn't want to "sign",doesn't mean the family court judge won't honor a divorce decree;it's solely up to the judge.

Source:US Army Military Policeman's Handbook "civil laws and torts"

Answer 9

You both are divorced right? Everyone's personal interpetation of "adultery" can be different....regardless this was a breakdown of a marriage. Usually there are several contributing factors. "Adultery" can certainly be limited to emotions not physcial aspects. In my humble opinion....adultery is adultery.

Answer 10

yes, this is adultery. when a man spends more time with another woman other than his wife then this is adultery. This man is supporting another woman for her bad situation, what about you. you don't have to wait for him to sign. a judge can get this done for you. You are putting up with a man who doesn't love you.