My sisters husband beat her up and even hit her daughter which is not his! and she left him thank god but she will not go file for a divorce.. she lost custody of her daughter because of him abusing them and her aunt has custody and she is living there with the baby.. Now she told me that she does not want to get a divorce because she knows that he will get married again.. SO WHAT!
She will have a better chance of getting custody back once she gets a divorce.. and another thing.. He is not the father of her baby and now since she left she is saying maybe he is the baby's dad.. i know he is not because they broke up and she was already 7 months pregnant before she even went back to him. after being separated for over a year!.and was living with me..
What do i say to her to help her get over him and get a dam divorce!
A nice way to put it without being to mean even though i want to smack her upside the head
2006-07-15 03:15:32 · 17 answers · asked by ~Mrs.C 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well i already did get the law involved that's why her kid is not in her custody.. and that's the only reason she left him in the first place. he did go to jail for 3 months but now he is out and she still will not file for a divorce! and counseling i been trying with her but that's only one time a week. i feel she needs more than that. and besides it is a joke because they have women that have never been married or abused before in there life's telling them what to do and what not to do.. my sister knows i already been threw all this crap that she is going threw now.. but i was strong enough to get myself out of it.. she is not that strong
2006-07-15 09:20:07 · update #1
Well.. I can probably answer this one.. since I am in that same situation..
My husband did the same thing with my son that isnt his. I lost my son to his father and I only at this point in time I have visitation, but I havent gotten him for the summer due to I am trying to work things out with my husband which I HAVE filed for the divorce just havent pushed it thru due to that we still love each other and we have two little ones together. Maybe somewhere in there we lost the meaning of love, but right now I am trying to make a decision whether to go ahead and go thru with the divorce or not. 1) if I divorce him I would be able to see my son when I can (this summer hasnt been a good time due to my work hours and no place to put him and he is 9 by the way). 2) if I divorce him then there may be problems with our two children that we have. SO I am trying to figure out a way to make everyone happy (kids mostly) right now my son told my mom that he doesnt want to come and see me (his father may be brainwashing him and telling him things that arent true and they are known to do that because when I was with his father they did that to me saying that my parents dont love me because if they did they would have come and visit me blah blah and I believed it at the time).
So back to the question... Is this the first time he beat her up? My husband did that once and hasnt done it anymore since I blacked his eye and cut it too after taking a lucky swing with a ring on :)
IF he gets married again like you said SO WHAT... but then in my actions I would go nuts... but then I would do the same thing I am a type of person that says "what goes around comes around baby" even though I havent done anything to my husband to cause him to lose his any of his kids (he has 3 from past marriage) my family are really mad at him right now and unforgivable and they are religious and I was brought up trying to learn to forgive people no matter what (which makes them a hypercrite! and I have told them so). Anyway, what more she might find someone else that would spoil the hell out of her and love her alot more and along with her kids that she has.
This is the best answer I can give may not make any sense though.
2006-07-15 04:02:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your entire family needs to have an intervention with your sister. She's putting it off because she gets to be with her kid at her aunt's house. Even though her husband is an abusive ******, she probably still "loves" him and doesn't want him to "be happy" with anyone else. It's a crazy attitude to have, but it's certainly possible.
She needs some serious counseling maybe with a therapist or your spiritual advisor (preacher if you guys do that sort of thing). She might not feel strong enough to go through a divorce and need your support.
Good luck
2006-07-15 10:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step-sister is in the same situation. The only thing you can do is pretty much nothing. She will probably keep going back to him, and keep getting beat. If losing custody of her daughter hasn't woke her up, nothing will! My step-sister has been going through this for about 10 years. She hasn't lost custody of her kids yet, but, I think that is only because her sister is a police dispatcher. Don't be nice to her about it!! Tell her exactly what you think. I hope you get results, before something tragic happens!
2006-07-15 10:26:12 · answer #3 · answered by momx4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful about this. Her husband may be psychotic. You don't know if he may have a hold on your sister..he may have threatened her not to leave him, maybe that's why she wont! Try to keep her as far away as possible from him..and if she comes to live with you, make sure she doesn't give out your number to him, or keeps in contact with him.
Being in an abusive relationship is dangerous, this is going to take awhile for her to get over, but try and keep her busy and positive.
2006-07-15 10:43:18 · answer #4 · answered by HotBarbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you say to her," As the mother of your child, you have the utmost responsibility and duty to protect and love your child. You do not put her in harm's way. Even if you don't care about yourself, that child depends on you for security. You can't go back, not for your sake or the child's sake. It's going to be a rough time at first, but in the long run you will be better off. You have family to support you in your time of need."
2006-07-15 10:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by bill6866 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well all u can do is sit here down and tell her to file for a divorce from him that u don't like him hurting her and he should not be hit her or the kids i really think she should divorce him because no women needs to be abuse by no men
2006-07-15 10:25:51 · answer #6 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My older sister used to be in an abusive marriage. What you have to do is (metaphoriclly speaking) tie her down to a chair and refuse to let her go back to him, and buy a shotgun for if he's stupid enough to come by. I'm not trying to be funny, but that's what we had to do. As her sister you have to do whatever it takes to protect her. Tie her down and try to talk some since into her. HE DOESN'T LOVE HER AND HE WILL ONLY HURT HER AGAIN! Keep her hostage until she comes to her senses, and if homeboy comes around looking for trouble, blast him. You won't get in trouble, trust me.
2006-07-15 10:48:45 · answer #7 · answered by Special nobody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is only so much you can do...your sister is the only one able to make the decision on divorcing hubby...you can talk until you are blue in the face and it wont do any good...it's natural to be concerned about loved ones and friends, but we have to know when to draw the line and LET GO! we cannot change anybody! if not, we can let other people's problems/burdens and situations wear us down!
2006-07-15 10:43:13 · answer #8 · answered by heresthedeal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st you can't make her do anything; she will see for herself that being with him isn't worth it, you have to be patient with her' until you have been there you can't really understand what she is going through (had that ex.) ;if you keep pushing her she will go back to him and further get abused, and you definitely don't want that, trust me just keep helping her and support her mentally that will help it's not what to do but how to do it and make her feel shes worth something at the same time. good luck
2006-07-15 10:30:13 · answer #9 · answered by Roe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I have compassion for you and also your sister and her kids and her parents and you and your husband and the kids and the police. Do you see what I mean???????........There is no end to this. I have seen it three times.....But I loveeeee him.....To the Death..... and he will kill her and the kids....Is that hard enough?
You could destroy your family and life and...... all she will say .....is...But I loveeeee him.
Good luck,
Been there 3x" Why do Women act like this.????
Sorry, Don't write this jello place seek Supervision and Law...
Before it's to late.
2006-07-15 10:43:17 · answer #10 · answered by yahoooo reject 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋