Help!!!! Need advice on husbands internet activity.?

Question

Someone recently IM'd me and told me my husband was a liar and queer. Of Course I got mad at the sender, but my curiosity got the better of me and I logged into his IM. He has been doing some very dirty chatting with both women and men. He told several women he was leaving me for them, but most he told he was divorced. I did not think his internet activity went much past looking at porn, but some of the things I read in his message archive were shocking to me. He is a very jealous person and if I even speak to another man in his prescence he gets upset. I know if it was the other way around and he found me doing this he would beat the hell out of me before he left me and filed for divorce. He dosen't hit me, but threatens to if I cheat. I'm not sure how to deal with this. My family has all disowned me for marrying this guy, now I'm finding out he's lied about everything including his criminal past. I have no money, no job, no car, no where to go. Help I really need some advice!

Answer 1

He seems to be far clever then you think he is. I suggest you to take one step at a time, keep posting your family one by one so that they are aware of your side of story. Avoid giving him chance to get mad at you and do not worry much about what he talked to ppl on net coz most men lie on net to get attention of others...

Answer 2

Ok, something tells me that he would explode if he found out that you were snooping around his internet activity. Even though I believe you have all the right as his wife to do so if you find something suspicious is going on.

I find that usually people who are very jealous are so because they know what their own intentions are when they do what they think you are doing. I hope that made sense.

If you feel that you want out of this relationship, and only you know this... then it's time to start changing your situation. Start by trying to contact someone in your family. Contact the person you think would be the most understanding, even if they have to tell you "I told you so" once or twice. You need an ally. Then get yourself a job, be it part time or otherwise. Start putting money away. I don't care if it's $5 a week. Something is something. Sounds like this man has some sort of control over you. You need to start finding yourself. Don't lose yourself in this man.

Answer 3

So it obviously says that he uses threats as a cover up of what he does.
http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm

If I were you, I would confront him. You have a right to know what is going on behind your back. But it's important that you use wisdom how you confront him.
Your husband has let porn take him over and beyond perversion.
I don't know what faith you believe in but I would recommend you pray for the strength to approach him in a loving manner and be prepared when the truth is confessed. Ask him where this marriage stands and if he wants to work it out that it will require marriage counseling and getting involved in a church.
He has a problem with pornography and it's taking over his life. The more perverted he becomes, the more in danger you will become.
He has a criminal background which means it can turn into something much bigger and worse as alot of convicted murders where tied with pornographic activity.
I don't want to scare you but he must be confronted and if he's doesn't feel any shame or remorse for what he's doing, then it may be too late.
I found some websites for you to read into below for help if it comes down to leaving. Even if it's not now ... write these websites down for future reference.
Prayers be with you and God bless.

Answer 4

You've been given some great advice so far... Who does the banking in your house? do you have access to any accounts? I'm sorry to say this but you will need some cash to get out of this situation. So if you have access to the account start by putting a little aside for a bit. Either way, eat crow and call your family; tell them you realize they were right and can they help you because you're in a situation you have to get out of. I know without a doubt they'll help you. He is cheating on you whether he's gone through with the things he's written about or not, to tell people that he's single, or that he's divorcing you, it's a lie and he's being emotionally horrible to the people he's conversing with and really if it's an online thing they don't know any better either. So they're being played too. SO my suggestions:
Get your family around you -
Try to put some money aside; or apply for a credit card in your name anything to have access to money when you leave
BE VERY CAREFUL ----
If you have a chance to get the email addresses of the people he's flirting with, get them and then when you're out and safe let them know what a monster he is. My reason for this is because if you end up going to court and all these people are so upset they will testify in your behalf and your monetary outlook will be much more favorable.
AGAIN BE CAREFUL:
If you can get to his cell phone - get the numbers in the book; if you don't have that much time start with outgoing calls; then incoming; then missed. It's just more ammunition to help you.

YOU HAVE TO BE THINKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW> You didn't mention kids, but if you have kids the same rules apply. Don't let this bully, bully you for one more day! Write me if you need someone to bounce ideas off of...Good luck, BE SAFE and screw him - he doesn't deserve you...

Answer 5

It sounds as if you've finally found out why your family disowned you. I'm not saying: you had it coming. All I'm saying is that blood is way thicker than water and your family will most probably be ecstatic that you're finally seeing him for who he is and help you get out of your marriage. First of all, his jealousy is really causing you issues; then he's lying to other people and telling them that he's divorced: normal husbands who love and cherish their wives don't do that - telling people that they're divorced that is; he's threatened to beat you - now that should be totally bringing down the house with all the noise that the warning bells should be sounding; and finally, he lied about his CRIMINAL RECORD - that should've been the final straw that made you leave him then and there. He doesn't appreciate you, Lord only knows why on earth he got married to you because obviously he's not husband material. So get a good lawyer, talk to your family and divorce him as fast as you can, leaving him high and dry and with a restriction order against him so that he can't harm you or your family. He's not good for you so get out NOW before things get worse. Good luck.

Answer 6

You already know the answer. Divorce the fool. Looking at naughty pictures isn't a big deal, but if he's talking dirty to both men and women, and claiming he's divorced- that's a whole lot more serious. Since he IS, he's looking for action. When you discover that he's lied right along, divorce becomes practically inevitable. It doesn't matter if you can afford it, or have few options. Heck, live under a bridge, and collect returnables to eat. Eating roadkill is better than what you have now. End it.

Answer 7

Wow, very shocking. Honestly no women needs to even be threatened to get hit by a man, no true man will threaten nor actually hit you. Maybe your parents dont like the way he treats you or just how he acts but they shouldnt betray you considering they made you. So honestly if I was you I would leave him you can do way better you can find a man that loves you for you and only you a man that doesnt have to have strange if you get me. Then get you a job its not very hard to get one, get a apartment or apply for H.U.B try getting a social sercrity check/food stamps. Get away from that man you dont need no cheater no matter how much you may or may not love him. Maybe sense your family hates him so much that if you leave him they will wanna have something to do with you again and maybe even help you out finacually. Hope this is helpful

Answer 8

This is very serious.The first thing to do is ELIMINATE ALL INTERNET ACTIVITY IN THE HOUSE IMMEDIATLY. I can't emphasize that enough---DO IT NOW, AND DON'T COMPRIMISE.
Then, you've got tho have some professional counseling with a third person, because he's blaming you for his behavior and habits.
Lastly (for now), DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Maybe you've done or said some mean things, but his behavior IS PURELY SELFISH---He want's his cake (all that crap online) and to eat it it too (you).

What is your location? I live in Chicago, and I know of some emergency shelters you can go temporarily (don't be embarrassed--these shelters are set up to protect and help women in similar or worse situations than yours). Let me know if I can help (just don't tell him!)
Take care and be safe.

Answer 9

ummmmmmmm......remember Scott Peterson? Remember he told Amber Frey he was divorced? Get out NOW!!! You've already seen enough to know exactly how he is....to know what he's telling other people. It's a very dangerous situation you're in. You gotta get out! Find a very good friend or family member and explain to them what you discovered. Tell them you want to leave, but you need help. Tell them about his threats to you. Talk to a counselor. They may be able to lead you in the right direction. (My God....I sure hope he can't get into Yahoo Answers and see this question) You have to get out....NOW...before it's too late!!

Answer 10

Battered women can help. There is many forms of abuse. Seems like you cannot trust him. My children turned their backs on me when I divorced their father ( a 28 1/2 yr. marriage ) and I was told to " sleep with one eye open ". My middle son was in dire straights and I saw he had a crack habit. I warned them all to help my son Josh. They laughed. Josh " left " seven months later due to Drugs and Alcohol. Sorry, but families can be at times what we hope them not to be. My ex is so sub human, he'll not even share the ashes with me, the one that gave life and unconditional love. Leave the loser and believe in self. You'll be amazed at what you can do, instead of what you've not tried.