Does anyone feel emotionally calloused after several years of marriage? If so how to open up again so that I?

Question

might find a way to get along with my husband? We fight over petty things and I just walk away instead of standing there and getting my feelings hurt. I sometimes think that both him and I have taken on the blank you attitude. Once in a while there is a spark of niceness but then the other one will say or do something sarcastic or even rude and then that nice second is over. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Break the tactical behavior. Since it is unlikely that your husband will initiate the change you must be the stronger one and follow through with a couple of things, you will see an immediate change in your husbands attitude if you commit to the change and follow it through. Start a journal, daily note what events took place and how you got along with your spouse. List 5 tangible goals for yourself that you can accomplish in three months or less. Start with the one that would give you the greatest satisfaction to complete. If you are at a loss for the 5 goals look at self improvement first. Appearance, health, fitness, beauty and BRAINS! Start a good work out program doing something you enjoy and could involve another person down the road. Work on your appearance, face, hair, teeth, nails, skin, feet, hands, explore new ideas treatments and easy home perks to make you look and feel better. read and research topics of interest and expand your horizans, also grow your knowledge base. Work from the positives with your husband and refuse to engage in pettyness or disbaraging comments. Tell him how muxh you love him everyday and do random acts of kindness to him at least once a day. Journal your accomplishments and goals, also the changes you see in him reacting to the renewed and positive you. He will be more attentive, loving almost clingy and the petty bitchiness will melt away. Keep on working at it these things took time to break , they take time to fix, you can do it! Better or worse, richer pooer, sickness, health, death we do part! Keep your end of the promise!

Answer 2

Your not alone out there, in fact, the older I get the more I realize that the majority of women have marriagies which are "unsatisfactory" for want of a better word. You can either row, or talk about it, or, in your case walk away. The shrinks will say talk, but what if you have tried and it just doesn't work. I really do feel for you and wish I had all the answers. Make two lists, one his good and the other his bad points, then have a good long think, get away for a while, visit family or friends, or just go and stay somewhere where you can think. After how many years of marriage? perhaps it's time you started putting "you" first. You only have one life, children, if you have them are tough individuals and will survive, but will you? whilst separation or divorce are both emotional roller coasters, don't you deserve a new start. Go get it girl.

Answer 3

I hope I can help you, because my husband and I went through that, got divorced, sold our house lost a lot of money by living in different places only to realize that we really love each other. He now lives in Nevada, I'm in San Diego and we go back and forth every other week and it's perfect for us right now But, A couple of things I'd point out is that no one has YOUR history together except for the two of you. I'm guessing that if your best friend starting dissing you all around town, your husband would be the first to stick up for you and let you know how wonderful you are. And I think you would do the same. So start by looking at each other as the person you're willing to stick up for. What attracted you to begin with? Write it down on one side of a piece of paper and write on the other side what is bugging you right now. He's going to have to do the same thing. I was SO in the f...you attitude by the end of our marraige,and we were cruel, horrible to each other. But if you hurt then you hurt back and you go as low as you can go depending on their reaction. You've got to stop that part. Now we have a code word when we're starting to get nasty with each other; we both know we don't hate each other and we're not bailing now so whenever things get s h i t t y we say "BUSTER" (that's our dog's name) and look at each other and we either laugh or we just realize that we just did some things that were hurtful and we have to snap out of that mode.

Answer 4

This is a tough one. Why do we have the least patience and mercy for teh ones were supposed to love the most? Your husband may have a world of faults, (as my wife will surly attest), but he can't see them. Why/ His eyes are squarely focused on what he percieves YOUR problems to be. I am in the midst of exactly the same situation (so in all innocence, we can IM about ONLY if u want to [e-mail]), but the best advice I can give is focus on yourself. Identify and address the things that you know are flaws in your personality and behavior, and you will rob him of any ammunition to use. It's kinda hard to have a one-man argument.
As far as the "blank you" attitude, there's alot of bitterness there between you both---unforgiveness and hurt feelings that no one wants to own up to. Be the mature one as far as it depends uopn you, and remember:
Bitterness in your heart for someone is like drinking poison and wishing the other person would die----they sleep at night while you decay from the inside out.

Answer 5

i imagine that in case you and your husband are smooth with it and he's accepted with that your sexual urge for nutrients needs more desirable than one guy to fulfill it, then this is great. It ability you've one of those solid bond and connection, and obvious communique skills. see you later as you're certain that he's o.k. with it and there is no longer any hidden jealousy or damage from no longer being sufficient for you. I surely have one question although, do you follow a similar few adult men or is it continuously a diverse guy? the rationalization I ask is because even if that's continuously a similar few the probabilities that there'll be an emotional attachment will enhance, yet even if that's extremely informal sex with friends....female have relaxing! i respect couples that are solid sufficient and believe sufficient to have open marriages and relationships. i recognize it ought to devastate mine, although we both have reported threesomes with yet another female. do not take heed to the negativity that individuals will throw at you, ultimately it is your happiness and also you mustn't care what individuals imagine. have relaxing!

Answer 6

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Dl94N

Answer 7

Iit sounds like both of you are emotionally calloused...its going to take a lot of work from both of you. BOTH OF YOU have to be WILLING to work on the marriage in order for it to work. this means possibly going to counseling so that a third party can give both of you objective opinions/suggestions about what they see is going on...once things are pointed out, bieng willing to work towards changing the behavior of the issues that were brought up...this will take patience, forgiveness and grace on a consistant basis from both parties...

Answer 8

obviously, there is something going on here but you both are going to have to just sit down and talk to each other. let him know that you are not happy with the way things are going. he probably isn't either staying together in a committed relationship takes work you need to find out if he is really committed to the relationship and to decide if you are equally committed to staying together before anything else can be resolved

Answer 9

Sounds like you are spending too much time together, and need other outlets. When one of you or both verbally abuse each other things continue to get worse. Try to go out for a date in a public place and spend more time out of the house together.

Answer 10

Yes. I don't think you can after it being like that. Talk to a marriage counselor. They are your only hope. If you want to work things out.