How do ya maintain the intensity of being in love in a 22 yr old marriage other then havin great sex?

Question

He has been so boring, lacks of sense of humour,calculative...etc Wonder if hes goin through andropause. I need some excitement. We are in our mid 40's

Answer 1

First of all, congrats on a 22 yr marriage! I'm the same age, but nowhere near 22 yrs. I thought I'd respond, however, because I do work in the medical field. Is it possible he's got some low-grade depression going on? Depression is not one condition, it's a range of conditions. Your comment about "boring" and lack of humor made me wonder. I take it from your comments that this is a change from his past behavior. Maybe a change in diet and activity level would be a good place to start.

Besides that, I'll pass on what my uncle says who has been married to the same woman for over 40 yrs. "Regardless of what your feelings are--a relationship is nothing more than the opportunity to be the kind of person you've always admired." I think the message is that in a tough situation, step back and ask yourself what a really good person would do in this situation--and then don't let feelings, or the lack thereof, get in the way of doing what's right.

Answer 2

This is not an easy thing. I've also been married for 24 years (next month). I've known my husband now for 26 years. They do go through what they call a "mid-life" crisis. I thought I would be happily in love for the rest of my life. That was definitely my intention. I did everything in my power to make him happy. I devoted my entire life to him and our family. In the sexual department I've done it all with this man. But I began to get tired because I was the only one coming up with new things to do sexually or otherwise. Regardless, he went through his changes and recently put me through the ringer. Even left me for another woman for several months then begged to come back home. During the time he was with this other woman, he barely went to work, therefore, putting us in a financial rut which I cannot seem to get out of. He is now back home, but of course, things will never be the same.

Why do I tell you this, well, because if there is some way that you two can save this marriage, do it before it is too late. I suggest counseling together or separately. There comes a time when you are so used to eachother that you take it for granted. I wish I could bring back the happy times in our marriage, but once infidelity played a part, it seems like it is doomed, even though we are trying. I just started counseling, therefore, you never know.

Sit and talk with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him this is a serious thing. Do it in a loving, non-threatening way. Good luck.

Answer 3

Have you considered taking a vacation in a country or place where you don't speak the language? I mean I know its sounds weird, but just imagine it...you two are the only one's who speak the same language and know each other...its a total adventure that can bring you two closer and is exciting.

Another thing you can consider doing is try having sex outdoors...i know its sounds funny, but I mean do it so that it has an element of risk involved... I am sure that will bring you a bit closer...

Also, try asking him questions, about his past, what he wants in the future, what he thinks of certain situations in the past and how he would do them differently now that he is older. Try getting to know each other again...

Trying meeting each other as if its the first time you have met, and then go on your "first" date...and try to talk about things so that you are actually trying to score another date...

Some guys can be fuddy duddies and if that is the case...I recommend you tell him you having an affair...and then describe the man you want him to be like and see if he is willing to fulfill your fantasies...by being the guy you never got a chance to date or something.

Try playing board games that will get you guys to open up about things in your past, or even your present....you never know what can bring you guys closer.

Answer 4

You cannot change him, you can only change yourself.