DAD-SON CONFLICT!!! Please help me!!!!?

Question

okay,
hi
every body,
i want to buy a portable media player.
and very frankly, i live wid my dad(my parents separated ven i was 7) and he's got a good package.
even so, so was in the army
and somehow, wants me to save my allowance! i cant believe it.
i'm 16 and my calls are regulated.
i cant go out without a detailed explanation!
i am not allowed to contact my relatives from my maternal side(even though i love dem alot). Only my mom and i can e-mail!
u wont believe this. But i am SHI T scared of him! i really dont know wat to du! but i've started speaking up.
and now, i'm saving for an iriver portable media player(i'm getting it for 200, from 500 $$) and i am saving up and am going to put in half da amnt. my mom has agreed to put in the remainder.
he said yes to me saving up, but suddenly yesterday, he blew it and said NO! END OF DISCUSSION!now what am i to do! i just dont get along wid him on many matters, and he want me to keep a low profile"money is ur bst frnd" .advise.

Answer 1

A father wants his son to be as good a man as he meant to be himself.

Keeping that in mind... and keeping in mind you are 16... it is not the end of the world... you will be thanking him when you are 26 for all advices he gave... and all the lessons of life he is indirectly trying to teach you.

Answer 2

I think you need to argue with him strategically... First ask him Why he is against you buying an media player? Based on what he says: (1) NO, because I said so... (2) you need to save money so you can value money. You can answer like so: (1) I don't think it is fair that you impose all your rules, without listening to what I have to say. You maybe older and wiser, but I think it's unfair for you to not try and understand what I think and feel. (2) You can say, you value money and understand that it doesn't grow on trees...and that is why you are saving it... but you really want to spend it on the Iriver. Also explain the deal you are getting on the iriver, and say that if you didn't value money then you would have paid full price, but since you value money you are trying to save some by getting it discounted.

Also write down the reasons you need an iriver and why it is a better product than an Ipod or any other mp3 player...and once you do that...you can perhaps argue this point with your dad more diplomatically.

Answer 3

Dear Friend

You are 16 years of age and I am 29 and still living with my parents.Beleive me,my relations with my father are almost similar to you.Infact as I am married and have a kid too,I still get harsh words from him but this doesn't mean that I should stop respecting him.When we are very small and cannot take care of ourselves then parents are the one who help us stand,walk and run.Regarding Iriver MP3, these are very materlistic stuff in front of relationship.Rather you are going to be a man very soon.So save your money for some wonderful event where you can stand on your own earnings.

This is my view, I don't know if you will like it or not ?

Nitin

Answer 4

Well I can say most of the things your dad is doing are for your own protection because he loves you, however, as far as the MP3 player goes you may have just caught him at a bad time. Remember, just as you have bad days and can get bugged by things....so can dads. Sit down and have a polite, "grown up" conversation with him. Tell him how you feel about not just the MP3 player (I would leave that part for last by the way) but also about how you feel bout his stiff guide lines, and dont forget to mention the fact that he can scare you...fear is never a good thing in ANY relationship. Many times people confuse fear and respect. This leads to anger, and if left out of check can even grow into hate.

Sit down, talk things out, and most of all...remember that you are not only father and son...but also two PEOPLE with thoughts and feelings of their own!

Answer 5

Oh wow. It sonds like you and your dad have a pretty rocky relationship. For one thing, you should never feel frightened of the parent/guardian you live with. Respect, yes, fear, definitely not. If you don't feel comfortable with your dad, consider living with your mom for a while. Has your father been given court custody of you? Talk to a counselor at school or someone else you can trust. Bottom line: you should feel comfortable in your own home. If you're not, there's something wrong.

Answer 6

Realize that although your 16 your not an adult yet..and your dad although can seem unfair at times he's doing the best he can as well trying to make the right decisions ect.. and yes even us as parents make mistakes, no ones perfect.. My father had custody of me as well, and i thought he was so strict when i was growing up.. always having rules and restrictions.. having to know where i was at all times.. ect.. where my mom who i saw every other weekend was totally cool could do what i wanted she bought me whatever i wanted ect.. I grew up and realized my dad was right to do what he did.. he taught me how to stand on my own two feet to work hard for what i want, he taught me morals and values that make up who i am today.. My mom on the other hand had another child with someone else my younger half brother , raised him as a single mom and because she let him do whatever he wanted he ended up quitting school young, running around getting in trouble, hung out with the wrong crowds, got arested, did drugs , ect.. where the 5 of us my father raised, some went to college, my brother works for NASA.. none ever got into any "real" trouble and we all love our father more then life itself sometimes we dont understand why our parents do what they do until we ourselves become adults and parents..then it makes sense.. give your dad a break, he's doing his best..and he obviously loves you.. and as far as the fear thing.. One time i told my dad i needed to talk to him but i was scared of him (my father didnt hit me or anything he just scared the hell out of me even if he raised his voice) and my father looked at me and said "GOOD" and walked out of the room i never even got to tell him what i was scared to ask him.. (it was that i wanted to break a house rule) years later he told me that he did that because a parent needs to be respected by their child in order for a child to listen to what the parent says.. and sometimes fear is a part of respect.. U are respectful to your boss why? because u fear he'll fire u .. same same.. So dont worry its normal whats going on in your house.. and its because he loves u and want you to be a good "MAN" not a little boy trapped in a mans body.. that he does what he does.. u'll see i promise.. btw.. im 32, the youngest of the 5 kids.. and to this day , even though my father has turned into a huge teddy bear now that we are all adults.. to this day if he says Jump, we say how high.. and we're grown adults lol..

Answer 7

My Mother & Father sperated when i was 7 and whenever i went to visit my Father he would act the same way you discribed he would talk about my Mother and her family but now that he's gone i think i just didn't take enough time to get to know him better but in your case i think your Father acts that way because he thinks your Mother might try to get you so he's over protective of you but i don't think the behaveior will last long.

Just My Point Of View

Answer 8

just sounds like hes a strict army guy... or just wants to be really mean... try to get a used one on ebay or something... and saving ur alowance is a good character building thing... teaches u not to be spoiled... and he sounds like a u kno what not letting u talk to ur family he cant control u or ur mom like that

Answer 9

if it was me I would go live with my mom.
it's going to take your dad a few more years to acept that you are growing up. he may as well go through that on his own

Answer 10

I don't know what your problem is exactly, but if it is your money tell him that.