2006-07-14 20:01:54 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Send the spouse to rehab and never enable him/her again. Seek some personal counseling while spouse is in rehab and family counseling when he/she gets out.
2006-07-14 20:04:42 · answer #1 · answered by emily 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a spouse that won't give up alcohol and drug habit is an addict. sounds like she's in deep and you are suffering too.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a good program that helps the addict AS WELL AS the family unit through Al-anon. There is a family dynamic working in an addict's family that has to change as well when the addict changes their habits. Google "al-anon" to find resource in your area.
The addicted spouse has to be able to see past the benefits of addiction (this is hard) to see the benefits of being clean. Does the spouse want to give up but cannot? Or is the spouse in denial, "got no problem, can stop anytime" talk?
Tough love may be in order. Which means no more rescuing or making life easier. Let the spouse feel the natural consequences of his/her behavior.
One word of caution: often an addict trades one addiction for another. Recovering alchoholics can turn into sex/porn addicts cos they're not really dealing with their addictive personality--they've just traded one vice for another. So GO there. It's not pretty or comfortable there, tho. Good luck and take care of you too...
2006-07-15 03:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by fabulousisjane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love her? If you love her you have got to show her you love her by setting down some rules. Tell her if she wants to continue being with you then she needs to stop, if she doesnt, tell her because you love her so much that it hurts you to see her do it. That is if thats how you feel, be honest with her and help her. The thing about a spouse as we all know is that we all carry each others burdens but there is a limit to how much you can carry. Ultimately its up to you, can you handle her? Can you deal with the possibility that she may need help? Can you support her if she was to go and get help? Will you love her still? Ask these questions to yourself and then try to figure out what you should do. Good luck, I hope all works out and Im sorry that you are going through this tough time.
2006-07-15 03:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by niceguy4agze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that,so I may sound cynical but the facts I learned over a 10 year period.It doesnt matter how much you love this person,or worry for her...You absolutely cannot change her,only she can do that,and if she doesnt want to change? Get out now,because it doesnt get better,and will definitely take you down also..I was married for 15 years,10 of those years were because I thought I could change the situation. YOU have to admit the fact YOU cannot change anyone but YOURSELF.It
took some years for me to learn that,I hope you do not fall into that same trap...Get out and save yourself....Maybe she will get the message and understand she has got to save herself.
2006-07-15 03:38:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change her. She has to change herself. Are you willing to accept that? If not, why did you marry her? By marrying her when she had those habits, you indicated that they were all right with you. Perhaps you have changed. If so, you have to move on. That may shake her up enough to change, but probably not. Make sure she is aware that she has addictions, that help is available and that, even if she was like this when you wed, you can no longer put up with it. Just don't put all the blame on her if you enabled her for any length of time.
2006-07-15 03:07:30 · answer #5 · answered by irmamontez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm answering this because I like to buy and scratch lottery tickets, I drive my husband nuts with it because I
spend so much money, lose alot and win a little. He says I am addicted and I am. There's alot of reasons why people do things that are addictive and sometimes the answer is simple, sometimes it's not. If you love your wife, then try to work with her to help her if she's willing,
maybe you can help her, but I have heard that sometimes
love isn't enough. Just the fact you asked this question,
means you care enough to try to find an answer. Good luck to you and your wife!!!!!
2006-07-15 04:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by frustrated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a toughy, you can not change her, she has to want help on her own, and you or anyone else harping on her is only going to make it worse...Stop with the money flow... there just isnt any! If she gets arrested, do not bail her out, leave her there, you just dont have the money...do not give her the car, nor back cards, Make it tough on her... but it is going to be tough on you also.. she will whine, beg borrow and steal... your marriage may even end, over it... But if she has any will power at all, she will give her head a shake, and try her darnest to clean up!
gl
2006-07-15 04:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately there is very little u can do except take care of yourself and continue to love them, even from a distance if need be. you can not give them an ultimatum for the simple fact you will not like the choice they will make because it will be the d and a, every time! so if you have talked with them and suggested treatment and they refuse you just have to waite until they are done but do not enable them, as hard as it may be and it seems that you are keeping them from harm your allowing them to continue to kill themselves. this person is unable to love anything but the drugs and alcohol rite now, but addiction is a dis-ease, they don't feel comfortable in their own skin. try going to alanon meetings. and be true to you. i wish you luck it is one of the most painful things you will deal with.
2006-07-15 06:05:08 · answer #8 · answered by holdnnmyown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no no no, don't listen to what these people are saying. you can't force her into rehab & you can't just tell her that she is messing up your relationship, you'll push her to the limit coz then she'll think that you don't love her anymore& may decide to something stupid. don't just leave her either, that will just make her feel ten times worse about herself. just be there for her and love her unconditionally regardless of the fact. you wouldn't have married her if you didin't love her. when she sees that you will be there for her, no matter what, she'll realize that she is hurting you with her addictions. it's an extremely slow process but if you stick by her & let her know that you will never leave, she'll seek help on her own. just don't make her think that she has to earn your love.
2006-07-15 03:23:40 · answer #9 · answered by Dark Phoenix 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tried that for 9 long years, because I loved him. My ex drank a 6 pack everyday and 3 (6packs) on weekends. He abused me mentally and physically. I took our kids and left for 6 months, went back like a dummy for a year. I gave him a year to change his ways, he never did until I moved out and went on my own. We are divorced now, 5 yrs. I'll be thinking about you and praying.
2006-07-15 03:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋