Keep the tattoo or lose it for my fiance?

Question

I have a tattoo on the inside of my ankle. Nothing offensive: just a flower and a latin mottoe. I'd say it's about 1.5" by 1" in size. I got it over 10 years ago to mark an important change in my life-- it wasn't a decision I took lightly. My fiance is very traditional, very conservative. He thinks that, if we had kids, the tattoo would send the wrong message about us as parents, set a bad example, and make them more likely to get tattoos. I think the tattoo would just be an example of something that you can choose when you're an adult and not before then, a serious grown-up decision. I understand his point of view, but whenever I think of getting the tattoo removed, all I feel is sadness and loss. I don't think I can agree to having it removed. Am I being too stubborn?

Answer 1

Both of my parents are conservative and very strict but that doesn't make me not want a tattoo. I plan on getting one, so I don't see how that's going to have an affect on your child's decision. Also, it's not his place to tell you to get rid of something that's a symbol of an important time in your life. That is your body, and it was your decision so don't let him make it his business. You are not being stubborn at all, you need to stand up to him and let him know it's not going anywhere. He fell in love wiht you for who you are, he's going to have to accept it.

Answer 2

Does he love you more than he hates the tattoo? My guess would be yes if he has asked you to marry him. Getting a tattoo is a personal choice. I had one when I met my husband. After we had been married for 5 years he went with me and we both got one. So now I have two and he has one.
A tattoo is no longer a negative thing. It is a work of art and if it means that much to you, by all means keep it. Children learn what they are taught. If they are told repeatedly that a tattoo is a bad thing they will believe it. If you have children, explain to them why you got it and what it means to you. If they understand that there is meaning behind it they will respect you more.
My tattoos both mark important changes and decisions I made in my past. I would never consider having them removed.
If he can't get over the fact that you have it, you should think long and hard about marrying this guy. If you feel strongly about keeping it, he needs to understand and respect how you feel about the decision you made when you got it.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like your fiance is trying to control things that first off, haven't even happened yet as far as teaching your kids. How about getting married first?Enjoy the moment, the day you are in? It sounds to me like that tattoo was done at an important time in your life, a change took place and it represents something important to you. Therefore, explain this to him. I agree with you that you need not have it removed. It's been a part of you for 10 years. I don't think anybody should have another person put conditions on them, for them, try to control them, about their own life,their body. You both need to sit down and have a good long talk. It's healthy to communicate it all!!! I think,as you said, your tattoo is placed in a place that is not offensive nor is the tattoo itself, and it is an adult decision which you can one day, down the road, teach your kids! For now, enjoy the fact that you have found each other, and you have so many things to look forward to!!!! Tell him, not to worry about it, be happy!

Answer 4

Hmm, I see where he's coming from.... My honest opinion is to keep the tattoo if that's what you really want to do. You're not being stubborn or selfish. It is your decision and your body. You decide what to do and your partner should respect your decision. If your raise your children right and guide them on the right path, having a tattoo should not be a reason your children will turn the other way and become rebels. Personally, I dislike the fact that people judge others simply because they have a certain piercing other than on their ears or a tattoo on their bodies and immediately categorize them as rebels. But back to your question, stick to what your instincts tell you. Two important elements in a marriage is communication and compromise!

Answer 5

Your husband has some good points. In addition, kids often do things impusively, before thinking them through. Just being able to say "Mom has one, so it she'll be cool about it." But there is more to tatooing than marking an important event in your life, or making a fashion statement. Tatoos are a permanent mark and are not that easy to get rid of. These days, tatoos are popular, but fashions change quickly. But the traditional use of tatoos will probably be around a lot longer and these are the ones that carry the most consequenses. Having the wrong tatoo in the wrong place can even place your life at risk. Kids don't always think of this. Tatoos are used by gangs, crime syndicates, religions, criminal guilds. Many former members risk their lives when they remove them.

Then there are the regrets. It's nice that you have no regrets about your little tatoo, but who can say how your kids would feel about their own choice of tatoo(s). I remember a young man walking up to my reception desk one day. I thought at first he was wearing a turtleneck until I realized he had a tatoo that went from his shoulders to his ears. He was very depressed because he had got it when he was in a manic phase and very much regretted. He couldn't afford the cost of removal and the neck area is not an ideal place for remove as it would scar a great deal from the process.

There's also the risk of infection. I know methods are better these days, but considering how many bugs get around in hospitals now. Why risk that many open wounds all at the same time? And infections spread faster along tatoos because of this. I've seen a couple of infected tatoos, naaaasty!

If you get rid of your tatoo, your kids may still decide to get tatoos. But if you don't, the chances that they will get one or more are probably pretty close a certainty. It's amazing how much parents really do influence their kids, even when the children don't seem to be listening. You could explain about your tatoo to your kids, but actions are louder than words. Besides, when would you choose to talk about it. By the time you knew one of your children wanted one, it may already be too late.

I'm sure there are a lot of other opinions on the subject. But that's mine. Save yourself some of the trouble, and your kids the likelihood of regret and danger. There are so many bigger things to guide your kids through in life.

As for the event the tatoo commemorates, perhaps you could do something else after the removal as a way to re-commemorate that event. Tatoos arent' the only way. Or perhaps your husband could help you with this, like commissioning a painting for you, or having the flower and motto engraved on a piece of jewellry.

Cheers.

Answer 6

Sorry but he should be more concerned that his close mindedness will have a worse affect on kids than a tattoo does. Keep the tattoo and drop the fiance. He sounds controlling.

Answer 7

I don't think you are being stubborn. Your fiance should love you for who you are, in your past and your present. Your tattoo doesn't sound offensive and it's not large, so I don't see what the big deal is. Your tattoo is also not going to make your kids want tattoos and if he wants to argue about that, I guess your kids watching celebrities (who some kids look to as role models) who have tattoos is going to make them want tattoos too.
You aren't being unreasonable, in fact, he is being unreasonable. I think you should stick to your guns and talk this out with him. If you give in to this, he may start wanting to change other parts of you that he might deem undesirable or bad for your future children.

Answer 8

No, you're not being stubborn. You had this prior to meeting your fiance, and it is a part of you and is important to you. Your fiance is being stubborn in asking you to remove it. If he gives you an ultimatum to remove it or call the relationship off, then I hope you will tell him that he is a foolish single man. If he loves you, he should love everything about you, including things from your past that make up who and what you are now.

Neither of my parents have body piercings, outside of my Mom's ears, but that didn't influence me to not get three body piercings as an adult.

Answer 9

God clearly states in Leviticus 19:28 .. Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord.

It is a sin and it is a subtle way that the enemy uses people ito sin against God. It is wrong and should not be encouraged. Imagine ending a marriage for something that is wrong. You will bring judgement upon yourself in a big way. Marriage is holy and the bed undefiled. Get rid of the tatoo. Parents are a great influence on their children. Children learn respect when there is respect in the home. Your whole body is a temple unto God and should be guarded well. Your husband is the priest of the home, you should obey him. I am not telling you that you need to jump when he says so but now he is right. Remember it is a union and both of you are important to the union. Be obedient and remove the tatoo.

Answer 10

Keep the tattoo!!!! I am 40 yrs old and have 3 tatts. My ex husband didn't agree when I got the 1st one, but oh well. It's my body and I did it because of changes going on in my life as well.
I finally got rid of that hubby and got a new one. He has 14 tatts. Lmao.

All I'm saying is don't change who you are or what you believe in for NO body. Good luck.

Answer 11

If it's that important to you don't change it to please someone else i have two children of my own and so far 3 tattoos mine are very visible there my children and husbands name on my arms and i feel the same way you do about it, it's not a matter of setting bad examples.Not only that does he really think that when they grow up and may decide that they do what one that he would be able to stop them? a good parent would tell them they that they aren't into that kind of stuff but support them no matter what there decision was..