Forbidden love. Should it be forced to work?

Question

My wife has always been a controlling person. After 12 years I have woken up to it. I put my foot down and she seriously gets upset. Consistently. I have grown tired and bitter to the situation. I have 3 children. I care about them. I met someone online and in one week my whole countenance changed for the positive. I had a great week at work just from her words. If I got involved with her I would leave the house and car to my wife and kids, but I would be starting over. I would also be ridiculed by all who know us. I want to stay in town so I can see my kids. I would lose alot in possesions, but gain a positive partner in my life?

Answer 1

Without going into too much detail I can tell you that I can fully relate to your dilemma. After being in a very similar marriage for over 7 years, I can tell you that what you are dealing with is no easy task and the emotional baggage that comes with whatever decision you make is not just a carry-on bag..........

What I can tell you is that with my background, belief system and my personal experience, there is no such thing as forbidden Love. Love just is......It can change faces and intensities, but Love just is....The question(s) that you need to be asking yourself are;
Have I done all I can do to communicate openly with my spouse?
If she is unwilling to make the necessary changes within the relationship and the marriage, am I obligated to do any more than what I have done?
Don't I deserve happiness?
Am I willing to give up my opportunities in order to live in a marriage where I am under constant obligation to please another without ever getting anything in return?

What I am attempting to convey here is simply, that you are worthy and deserving of happiness in ALL of your relationships.......If you are NOT finding in your marriage then the time has come to move on......Sacrifice sometimes is the most freeing thing we can do........As in my own situation, staying in this marriage only enables him and his belief that as long as I am here he must be OK in what he is doing, tho it hurts me terribly......In other words, NO THING in this marriage will change under any circumstances as long as I stay, he has no reason to change. It is my responsibility to give him his lessons in life just as it has been his to show me that life does NOT have to be ugly and uncomfortable........

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to any of what you are going thru............And equally unfortunately, alot of ppl are going to attempt to tell you you are wrong and cannot do what you are thinking of doing, and others telling you to go......All I can tell you to do, is to do what is in your heart and believe that everything has a reason, even if you are unaware of it......

Peace be with you and Love find you!

Answer 2

Stop...Remember when you met you wife you thought she was wonderful, now look where your at. Your feelings for the person you have met online are a normal reaction to the marriage you've had. However...The worst possible thing you could do is to walk away from your children & everything you have worked for over someone that you think you know. Your judgement is clouded because of how you have been treated. Tell your wife it's time for marriage counseling or a separation. Good Luck. Focus on your kids.

Answer 3

I don't think running off with a mystery woman you met on the net would be the thing to do. You have a family - a wife and kids who love you very much, don't be selfish and walk out on them just to get instant happiness with some woman. Marriage isn't easy, and it's not going to get easier as long as you keep talking to this woman (or any other woman) in a way that opens you up to another romantic relationship outside of your marriage.
The best thing for you to do if you feel there has to be a change, is to talk to your wife. Be honest with her about what you need to change and tell her how important it is to you. You should probably also tell her you want to get into marriage counseling and/or family counseling. Don't be so quick to throw your family away - think about the reprocussions: your kids will blame you (and with good reason), your wife will be left holding everything together, and eventually you will miss them A LOT. Work this out in your marriage and put all your energy into your wife and your relationship with her - cut off the relationship with this other woman. Remember, it's easy to start all over, but it's going to be more rewarding for you to fix whats wrong with your wife.

Answer 4

The situation is not uncommon... losing the "spark" in a marriage and then finding something with someone online because you think it is safe. You are far more honest with people online than those who can hurt you. Anonimity does bring freedom.

However, it is important to remember that you have children. Unless there is an abusinve situation, I am someone who believes that you stay in a relationship for you children. Even a bad one. You took upon yourself a higher calling than being a "guy" when you had children and, first and foremost, your responsibility is to nurture and make secure the lives of yor children This means you may have to be uncomfortable at times.

Answer 5

You've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids. You've chatted with someone for one week and you think this is your resolve? I can understand that you're unhappily married but I don't understand why you need someone to hold your hand in order for you to divorce your wife. 12 years and 3 children, I'm going to guess you are in your mid 30's. On-line 1 week partner, I'm going to guess you definitely need to wake up. Keep it on-line and get through the divorce unless on-line can support you because child support for 3 kids is going to cost you. Go for the divorce and keep on-line on the side line until it's final. Good luck!

Answer 6

Talk to your wife try to make things work... If she loves you ..and you still love her try to work things out. Is nice when someone else tries to make you feel special,but remember the reason why you married your wife. get some counseling..don't give up ...

Answer 7

that form of love is obtainable so do no longer enable every person inform you it extremely is no longer. Lot's of persons have discovered it and their marriages do final. i understand there are various that think of it extremely is purely a fairy tale, whether it extremely is no longer. the only human beings i've got relatively considered mock it extremely is whilst Muslims in indexed under try to declare that arranged marriage the place there is not any love yet will grow to be love and that marriages that initiate with love fail, it extremely is commonly observed by capacity of a few insult to American human beings and a rant with regard to the divorce value. they do no longer look involved interior the persons who enjoyed first, then married and who've been married for 20, 30, 50 and extra years and nevertheless in love with one yet another. i've got skilled some categories of love. Love for my mom, my relatives, my siblings, my in-regulations, my baby and my husband. the affection for my baby is the own form of love i've got ever felt. whilst i became pregnant i presumed I enjoyed him as much as I ever might, yet whilst he became located in my arms i became beaten with how lots love there became. as quickly as I fell in love with my husband it became the 1st time I ever felt the form of love a woman might desire to have for a guy, it became something i presumed i might by no capacity understand and became incapable of feeling. it extremely is as quickly as I found out what true love became. i'm hoping God blesses you with that form of love and don't settle for much less.

Answer 8

Grow up! Meeting someone online isn't going to make your world peachy keen. Once you're with her there will be things about her that you "can't stand" and then you'll go looking for someone else. Or she will.

Answer 9

talk to wife. you seem to have some testicles to stand up to her. don't go to a stranger for something that is just a mouse click, they disappear too. good luck.

Answer 10

Hi i read your question, and could relate to your situation, Although all the answers i read so far for you seem very sincere, and correct, it is easy for all
of us to say, "dont throw away a marriage, stay for the sake of the kids, see counseling, etc, all really is correct,

There is another side to this to, as i see it. People do get divorced, and kids do survive, and in some instances, kids know if you are not happy, they are anything but stupid,, they feel tension, coldness, indifference, anger etc, and to adjust your personality around them when you are in the company of your wife, and pretending to be ok when you are not, is not fair to any of you.
When you are living a lifestyle that is unfair to you, or her or your kids, living a lie, and if you can't be yourself or comfortable in your home, or your emotional \needs are not being met, or respected, you are wasting your life,,,,,,,
time flies especially after forty...

Did you, after twelve years of a controling life, you woke up to it and put your foot down,, and she seriously got upset,,, ?? Why did it take twelve years to realize this? OR was it after you made a "friend" ON the internet? This really does have something to do with your decison..
If you met someone on the internet, a wonderful woman, who understands, and is kind, sweet, and willing to be "ALL THE THINGS, THAT YOU SHARED WITH HER WHAT YOU WANT" I wonder why? AND how easy it is for her to be
that understanding partner you want your wife to be, right? Except that any person, or woman who has any intelligence, can become what you want or need, The tricky part of this statement is Maybe ms, internet friend sincerely is exactly what you want and need in a woman based on her reactions, and yet if you share with her your problems and needs, like you do with us YAHOO-ERS, she can objectively, understand you, give the the respect you want and miss, easily, because she is not under pressure, and has nothing to lose by being a good commuunicator, right??
When counselors talk, or psych's talk to you, they don't take sides, they put the facts together and help you see options, and if you and the person are sincere in changing some infair attitudes, and are willing to "hear you" AND "See you" and listen,, and it is not easy and no guarantees come with this either,, but it deserves a consideration,, i think you owe it to yourself and your family,, whom you created with your wife to consider this seriously,

If your wife does not agree to counseling, and insists that she is right, or is not willing to listen to the fact that you are unhappy, and nolonger want to live with her controlliing, and she does not take you seriously, and won't entertain the fact that maybe both of you have some mental adjustments, give and take and "emotional growing up to do" IN ORDER TO GROW OLD TOGETHER AS
MEANT WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR VOWS, Then i would let her know that you want more out of marriage and life, and let her know that if that is the best she
has to offer, or will offer than bye bye,
Your kids will grow up, and leave the nest and do as they want . they will not let you tell them who to be, or who to choose, and how to think and why,
this is a fact, and they also will not say, "GEE DAD, YOU ARE THE BEST, AND THANKS FOR STAYING IN A MISERABLE MARRIAGE, JUST FOR THE SAKE OF BEING A GOOD DAD, NOW, I WILL BE A GOD SON OR DAUGHTER AND NEVER LEAVE YOU, I WILL ALWAYS TAKE YOUR ADVICE BECAUSE I OWE YOU THAT,,,,,,,,,,,,THEY WILL AT BEST SAY, "i did not ask to be born, i did not ask you to pretend you are happy, I did not make you stay with mom,.. Why did you do that,,? DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPECT ME TO GIVE YOU SPECIAL TREATMENT FOR YOUR SACRAFICE? does that mean i can't have my own choices, and ideals etc,,?

i do hope you see my point.. I know thru my past expectations that being unhappy and not emotionally and spiritually nourished, it is like being a robot,
and time flies, and then to have a glimmer or memory of happy exciting stimulating times, it is real powerful, temptation, and that is where all of us who have been there done that, step in and say, get rid of your new "FRIEND"
that is wrong, try harder , don't throw it away, when you feel like "OH YEAH"
it is easy for you all to say,, but you are not me and dont know my pain, advice is the most generous free gift us humans give away, even when not asked,
right?

My bottom line is that your friend on the internet, could be sincere, or not sincere, and even if it were not on the internet, and in person, could see and feel or recognize your vulnerability, and sincerely, want to be the one for you too, as she may be lonely, she may have that magic, she may even be your
"soul mate" NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE,
IT TAKES TIIME, AND RESPECT FOR TIME, AND IT TAKES WORK, LEARNING GIVE AND TAKE, AND MOST OF ALL AN EMENSE STRONG COMMITMENT to yourself and another human being to be a partner exclusively, and you do not know this person really, or her tract record, or her defects, and it is like buying a used car, you trade in one set of probelms to get a whole new set of someone elses problems,

I SUGGEST, THAT YOU IF YOU HAVE TOLD MS INTERNET, that you are married, and have family, and shared your problems with her, she of course will be kind, sweet, and become "ALL YOU HAVE SAID YOU WANTED" because so far it is make BELIEVE, or she could say, get a divorce, date a while and then call me, and we will see what happens,

IF YOU ARE MOTIVATED BY "HER WORDS" and work everything and all things seem to be real and better and hope,, You may be a victim of a true
:LOVE JUNKIE:" and become one yourself, It is always exciting at first when
a new person gives you attention,,always or you would not bother,

SO,, IF I WERE GOD, AND YOU ASK ME TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, I WOULD SAY ,, PRAY TO THE REAL GOD, AND STEP BACK AND LOOK AT WHAT YOUR LIFE MEANS TO YOU, AND THEN SAY, Tell your internet dream woman,, (she should be telling you this too by the way) I need to get my priorities straight, and yes i am wanting you, and almost ready to run to you, but i have invested and promised in my vows to be a husband, and i must put the last and strongest effort into my marriage, and not run away from it
because of you.. i should terminate a marriage because of me and my wife, and no resolution, and that it would not be fair to you either (ms internet) IF I DID THIS ANY OTHER WAY,, especially if she wants all the things you are about to end,,,,,,,, if she wants to just party,, then again, get your affairs, and life in order, take your time (even if you are driven by hormones,) AND STAND BY THE MAN OR PERSON YOU REALLY ARE,,.. AND THEN, IF AFTER A LONG TIME OF EFFORT, COUNSELING, ETC, YOU ARE STILL GET DIVORCED, AND WHEN THE AFFAIRS AND LIVES ARE ACCEPTING that you no longer are m arried and living with wife and kids, if ms internet is still available, and willing to see you,, then ok,, but even then you dont want to rush into or out of anything, Ok this is not God speaking for God,,
Pray, if you have faith in God, and if you do not know about faith,, look into some christian groups who can befriend you , and support you,, but put God first,, WOW, THIS WAS A LONG LONG ANSWER, GOOD LUCK