My husband and I have only been married a week?

Question

We have a 1/12 yr old I feel he is missing out on too much of his life since he work on a tug boat, hs gone for 23 days home for 10, its good money but i'm concerned. What should I do?

Answer 1

He is trying to do his best to provide for his family. You knew he worked on a tugboat before you married him. He comes home for 10 days at a time. Be happy that he can - some husbands and fathers do not get to see their families for months at a time, or only on weekends. Give him as much support as possible, tell your child how much daddy loves him (of course he will know that during those 10 days for sure), and plan those 10 days so that your family gets the most quality time possible. Remember, it is not quantity but quality time that counts. A man can be with his family 7 days a week and not do as much with them as yours may do in those 10 days. Just because someone is there physically, that does not mean they are "there" mentally or emotionally - they may just veg at the TV or sleep on the couch when home, or get drunk and beat their family - in which case the wife and children wish he would be gone instead of ruining their lives. Don't be concerned, but do be creative in what things to do when he is there that will strengthen the bond between you and also between him and his child. Buy a video camera and tape lots so that when he comes home you can have a movie night so that he can at least see all the things that he has to miss each time he is gone for 23 days. Make it a fun event, popcorn or whatever - and all 3 of you snuggle up when you are watching it. Best wishes!

Answer 2

You have ben married a week ? If you have one one and a half year old? or a 12 yo? cant tell by the way you wrote it, but anyway, where was your brain all the time you were courting and having babies? He had to have been on this same job because working on a Tugboat is not something someone can do on a spur of the moment, you have to have some training etc. So what I am saying is he was a seaman...what do you think people in a seaman line of work do? 'Go to Sea' ? right?
You want your husband to give up his career so that he can be home evenings to spend time with his child? You should have thought about that before you married him.
Ok lets do some basic mathematics you have the kid for 23 days by your self, I am surmising that you work and the child goes to daycare or something.?

In a normal month like say August '06 the of the 23 days 6 are weekends (sat sun on these days I give you 12 hrs a day with the child for a total of 72 hours). 17 days would be work days for you or days the kid was at day care, Say, you rise at 7 am and drop of at day care at 9, and pick up from daycare at 5pm and put the kid to bed by 8pm, so you get 2 hrs in the morning and 3 hrs in the evening a total of 5 hrs a day ...(5 hrs times 17 days=85 hours)
And 10 days when the hubby is home you get 64 hours

So you spend on the whole 72+85+64=221 hours with the child

Your husband ...well he is home for 10 days, doesnt have to work, and so you dont have to put the child in daycare, so he has him the full day from 8am to 8pm, .12 hours a day for 10 days
total of 120 hours.

Difference between you both is 221-120=101 hours a month.
Thats about 8 days a month less he has with the child, not very much at all.

Total hours spent with child for both parents= 221+120=341hrs

Now if you were not working this would change, but if he left his job and came home and took a 8-5 job, since he would make significantly less you would probably have to work too so in a month like August 06' with both parents working and using the same formulas above you both would only be with your child for
211 hours a month !!!

Better leave things alone and get some perspective ..huh?

Answer 3

Well don't know how long you knew each other before you made the decision to get married, but you have a one and a half year old, so did your husband have the same job then? It doesn't matter if you are now married one week really. What matters is, you knew he was working on a tugboat and gone a lot and now it bothers you? I don't think that's a concern that needs to be looked at at this point. As long as your l 1/2 year old is happy, healthy, and doing what he/she needs to be doing for the age developmentally and otherwise, I think he/she will be fine. The more important question is, are you going to be okay with all of this? It sounds like you are lonely? Missing out on having your hubbie around to raise him/her? This needs to be discussed. However if it is your husband's true love, true desire to be out on the open seas, on a boat, all of it, you knew it when you went into this relationship and marriage and he needs to make money, to provide for his family. I say be grateful for what you have been given and make the best of those times, those days, when it is overwhelming! Everybody has them to some degree or another, you'll be fine!!! And so will your child! Just keep talking about Daddy, show pictures, when he isn't around and tell him how much Daddy loves him and he has to go to work, to make the money!!! Unless of course, you win a lottery or inheritance or something.............good luck!

Answer 4

Listen the man is doing what he has to do to pay the bills and take care of you all. Cut him some slack his career may change down the road, than again it may not. The important thing is he is with you. When he comes into port I'll bet he can't wait to be you. The distance should make both of you more appreciative of what you have together. When the kid gets a little older and he is still on the boat ya just explain: Daddy is working and his job calls for him to be out on a boat for long periods of time but all the while he thinks of us.

Answer 5

Make him something as a gift to be tag on his tug-boat as a love rememberance between the two of you. When he sees the sea out there, he'll see the future with you too.

As his job has became part of his life like a rolling sea, you must be a tough woman to accept his profession. Show him care & love whenever he's back from the sea. If you're a believer, pray for his safety.

To be frank to work at the sea is like putting life a float in a life buoy. Whenever he's back from work, it means he'd knew someone he loved must be awaiting for him.

I've been working in many types of profession before joining a career which are indirectly link to the sea.

I can tell you this, much of the sea man out there always hope to get a good life ashore, but to sustain a certain amount of financial requirement due to living standards, they have to put their life at stake by working at sea missing the loves one.

Answer 6

You knew the situation when you got married, money CAN buy you happiness. My suggestion to you would be , buy one of the best video recorders that you can afford and transfer all of your childs 1st moments onto cd's then make a copy and put one away for safe keeping. ( you know how cd's can get warped, scratched ect. ) and then your husband will not miss anything. This along with spending quality time together as a family on his 10 days off should be sufficient

Answer 7

Make the most of the time he's home. Your husband is working hard to support his family - that's good. If the time comes where it really becomes awful for you, then you may need to ask him to make some compromises. In the meantime, busy yourself with projects, night classes, a job or whatever. You're going to have some adjustment period, so make the best of it. Do lots of activities with your child too.

Answer 8

Talk To Him ,Let Him No You Feel he Is Missing Out Family Life And It"s No Fare To The Baby ,And Need To Evaluate If This Job Is Really Worth It!

Answer 9

I wish some ppl w/take 2 pts and shove em up thier *##

I wouldn't be too concerned right now, maybe when school starts you could discuss it again. My husband has been working 2 shifts lately 6 am - 1030pm. I have 2 little ones it's been grueling.
But talk to him about it. He should be aware of your concerns.

Answer 10

wow you have been given a bunch of really crappy answers! Tell your husband that your proud of him for taking care of his son. Save your money for a possible career change. Go back to school and get a trade so that you can take on some of the financial stuff. Let dad and kid get quality time in. And set a routine so that the kid feels safe.and secure.