This is a VERY sensitive subject, only seriious replies only. Thank you.
My husband and I have a healthy sex life, however he occasionally wants to "explore other cavities". We have done it a couple times and in the heat of all of it, I kind of like it. Ok, I climax whenever we do. But..... I don't feel comfortable after the fact. I was sexually abused as a child. I feel "dirty" afterwards and sometimes ashamed in the fact that I enjoyed it. We have talked about how it makes me feel and he says that I need to get over it and that it is someone I trust and love touching my body. I am still uneasy about the whole thing. We have a healthy sex life otherwise. Is it normal for me to feel this way? Is it that I still have other issues I need to deal with or scarring from the abuse as a child? I just don't know how to feel about all of this. Anyone understand??
2006-07-14 18:49:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yes, I understand. I wasn't molested, but my grandmother's boyfriend attempted when I was 8. It took me forever to realize sex wasn't dirty. Your husband is right about you needing to get over it, but you'll have to have help. Something like that doesn't just "go away". Remember that your husband loves you and you are sharing a loving act. My best advice would be to seek a counselor to help you through your fears. Otherwise, Just know that you aren't alone. You aren't doing anything dirty or wrong. Just enjoy your time with your husband and do what feels good to you both.
2006-07-14 18:56:44 · answer #1 · answered by shynomore 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It would be a pity to rule out something that gives you genuine pleasure in the heat of the moment.
It sounds like you're getting a little anxiety attack of some kind after the "exploration". It sounds like you may be running into an internal conflict about whether you're allowed to enjoy it, given what happened to you in your childhood.
Anxiety can usually be worked out and dissipated a couple different ways. But I hesitate to offer any specific suggestions myself because I honestly don't know a thing about the psychology that arises from childhood abuse. I'm not a shrink, and I haven't done any amateur reading on the subject.
But I know that there are books available on the subject, and there are certainly therapists with training in abuse issues. So you could probably track down a way to address the situation if you want.
Given the potential for that particular act to be a useful and pleasure-giving part of the bedroom for both of you, it wouldn't hurt to consult with a therapist or do some reading on the subject. Attacks of anxiety needn't be considered a brick wall. If the incentive is there, you can pull them apart and get past them. Just consult with an appropriate knowledgeable source.
2006-07-14 19:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by Jim R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you mentioned that you felt bad for enjoying it...so you do enjoy it? i would just concentrate on that....I hope your husband is more senstive than just saying "get over it" but he does have a point: he's someone you love and trust, and you know won't hurt you. I'm sorry you were sexually abused in the past....I think if you really do enjoy it just have fun with it, and afterwards, think about how it made you feel while doing it, not after.
2006-07-14 18:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by blackolivesrule 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I cant put myself in your place to understand. What I do think is that therapy may do wonders for you. You have been terribly robbed of a normal healthy sex life. Do to no fault of your own!!! But to get over it and experience a healthy sex life.....dear go talk to some professional....it's really OK to have these feelings but you need to heal your delicate soul.....best wishes to you.
2006-07-14 18:57:01 · answer #4 · answered by Laura B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its totally normal to feel that way. i think either you should do it more until its a casual thing and you stop thiking about it like that but maybe you should stop which i dont recommend. you should probably do it and if those terrible thoughts come to mind you should stop immeditatly. good luck and i hope i was some help.
2006-07-14 19:00:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is perfectly normal to feel the way you feel.
What you need to understand is it is perfectly normal to do it.
So, whenever after the activity you feel bad, replace your thoughts with positive thoughts..do not give so much importance to the bad feelings
2006-07-14 18:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by kulkarnidg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should understand about how that bad experriences made you feel and not want to engage in it for that reason. also it may have caused health problems that you don;t want to bring about any sooner or at all for that matter
2006-07-14 18:57:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand....you need to find a professional to talk to about this ,,,trust me it will help
2006-07-14 18:53:47 · answer #8 · answered by durb1215 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋