Generally if we love someone then we expect the same amount of affection or love from that person. Sometimes the unexpected haapens & it creates problems.
So my question is "Is it fair to expect to be loved in the same way? And if this doesn't happen what should the person do?
2006-07-14 18:20:44 · 7 answers · asked by Aum 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Depends on what you mean by "amount". How do you measure that? Different people have different ways of showing affection. You might be feeling unloved, but at the same time the other person might be knocking herself out to show her love for you in a way that she appreciates but you do not -- because you are not used to it -- and she might be puzzled as to why you don't "get it".
Are you confusing "love" with "attention"? Since you mentioned that the "unexpected happens", I’m assuming that you are really referring to the amount of "attention" you are getting, not the amount of "love". Do you believe that spending "quality time" or "quantity time" with someone is the best way to show love? You answer might shed some light on the problem, because your girl friend might have different ideas about how to express love than you.
Sounds like you may have a communication problem. You probably need to set down with the other person and talk about how you both feel. Ask her what actions or words tend to make her feel loved, and what makes her feel unloved. Her way of expressing love are different than yours, I’m assuming.
On the other hand, if you love her in a romantic way, and she likes you only as a friend, then that is a different problem altogether (time to move on and get over her). However, keep in mind that it is natural for a person’s feelings to be stronger at some times than others (like, you don’t feel “in love” when you are really tired or really sad over someone else’s death), so don’t make any hasty decisions.
From "The Five Love Languages" website:
Throughout all my counseling, I found that truly connecting with a loved one came down to one simple fact: you need to know and speak his or her love language. A love language is the way we express our devotion and commitment, and it can be learned or changed to touch the hearts of our partners.
Whether you’re a spouse, a parent, or a single, the five love languages are the same:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
2006-07-15 04:40:15 · answer #1 · answered by Randy G 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is totally fair to expect to be loved back. It is up to you whether you can live with whatever it is your lover is giving you. My boyfriend loves me back but not in the same way. His strengths balance mine. He is reassuring more than I but I remember him more. I am grateful for his comforting manner when I fret and he really appreciates opening the cupboard and finding PopTarts. We are equally devoted, however, and that is what really satisfies me.
When I feel like I give more, I remember that I am on a personal journey in life. Everyone has their own timing when it comes to realizations of what matters most to them and things that drive them. My journey matters so much that as long as I love my parner to my own standards, I can be free to move on to other areas in my life and fulfil other goals, like appreciating all moments in time: a smile from a clerk at the gas station, finding a new beer to take home, getting more of my book read. Feeling whole leaves me open to my partner and accepting what he is, and that it is all good and perfect.
If the love you get back is unacceptable, just move on until you find one that is. I would not be happy if my partner spoke to me in a rude manner, or forgot to give me a loving gaze before walking out the door. I need to be made love to in a caring and gentle way. These are my own parameters. Have high standards but do not resist the truth of who your partner is. When you accept them, your mind becomes clear and can see if they are giving you enough love.
My answer to your question is to look at the real-life person you are with and decide on whether you think he or she is a good person and cares about love as you do. You and I can never this question until you know your subject.
2006-07-14 18:42:59 · answer #2 · answered by Asian Mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love isn't quantifiable. When you measure the way someone loves you by how you love them you're forgetting that they may not be capable of loving in the same way as you. If you find them lacking in the love dept. maybe telling them how your expectations of how they should demonstrate their love differ from how they are currently demonstrating it could help. Or perhaps if you find their love lacking... you might not love them at all. Besides why should love be fair? Nothing else is.
2006-07-14 18:33:08 · answer #3 · answered by supergreengirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it fair to epect it yes - unless the other person has mental issues. Alot of people think 2 people have to give 50/50 to make a relationship work. They are wrong. Both people need to give 100%
2006-07-14 18:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no! coz different people have different ways of showing their affection. and if s\he dosent love you the same way dosent mean they dont love you. they just have a different way of showing it.:)
2006-07-14 18:26:18 · answer #5 · answered by appy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no not really think of people who have stalkers, they dont have to love their stalkers no matter how much the stalkers love them
2006-07-14 18:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by monicaynz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no!!!!
2006-07-14 18:21:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋