Me and my husband sat down and had a long talk today about how unhappy i am, I told him there is a chance of us spliting up if im not happy, i also told him i dont love him like i should and that i think he deserves so much better.. He told me he was sorry for all that he has done but yet i still dont know what i want to do because he broke down and started crying saying he doesnt want to split up, but i want to how in the heck can i break it to him that i no longer want to be with him (he already knows i dont love him in that way but still wants to be with me).. Thanks yall for your opinion!
2006-07-14 17:59:58 · 14 answers · asked by Gail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do have a child, however me and my husband both agreed that if it wasnt for him no way would we be together! Im just really stuck in a RUT.. I just dont want to be unhappy like i am forever is that wrong?
2006-07-14 18:09:38 · update #1
Yes we have tried cousling, and we have tried to change but i am who i am and he is who he is and it will change for a week then go back to normal!
2006-07-14 18:10:29 · update #2
Gail, I would never, ever give you or anyone else advice about such a major life decision. I will only tell you that no matter what you decide it will be difficult, and whether you stay together or get a divorce, learn from your experience, don't beat yourself up about it, make sure that your child has a loving, close relationship with his/her father, and never, ever speak ill of him in front of your child. Expect the same from your husband as well.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best.
2006-07-14 18:23:04 · answer #1 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait, wait, wait a minute...please. Before you do anything rash, take some time to really think things through.
I've been where you are. There are a lot of reasons why wives become unhappy with their lives. Often they blame their marriages and yes, their marriages can be a cause of irritation or frustration. But let's not blame everything on the marriage.
Marriages go through phases. People go through phases.
You might feel this way now, but feelings change. Back and forth, like the tides. You might not feel that you love him "the way you should" now but there could be other feelings that are getting in the way of you feeling and seeing clearly now.
There are so many things to consider: How many years you've been married. Are you working? Have you been arguing a lot and over what?
It is impossible to save your marriage in a simple response to your question. I plead with you both to seek counseling first and get to the bottom of your true problems.
There were times when I did not think I loved my husband anymore and he hung onto our marriage through it all. Lo and behold, I do love him...and I always did...and I always will. I cringe to think I nearly threw it all away because of some short-term depression, frustration or confusion.
Before you think of divorce, think of ways to save your marriage first. You owe it to yourself and to your husband.
It is a precious thing to have been given a husband who loves you. You didn't mention what he has done to feel sorry for, but you did say that he deserves better. Well, he chose you. He wants you.
Oh, please don't blame your marriage or your husband for your current feelings. Not being happy can be caused by so many things. Also, it takes some adjustment to being married over the years. People change. For better or worse.
Let me tell you, no matter who you find, you will face these same feelings eventually in a relationship.
Seek counseling to learn if you just feel you are bored or need a break or miss your freedom or whatever it is.
I am so thankful that my husband held on tight to me when I was trying to buck and kick my way out.
Best of luck to you both!
2006-07-15 01:17:49 · answer #2 · answered by hope03 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider the child here ok?..If there were some way to keep you together for the sake of the child like Separating for a little bit and no I don't mean going out with others I mean having your own space to be able to think..Both of you not just one of you is responsible here........After you have been apart for a couple weeks and you still feel the same way then yes I would say it's time to split but shared custody would be good
2006-07-15 01:17:48 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a two way thing. If one party is out of love, it cannot work. Discuss the problem and it is best to split up if you do not love him anymore. He will be hurt but a short and quick is better than a prolonged pain. He will get over it. Time will heal all wounds.
2006-07-15 01:11:10 · answer #4 · answered by Lost Sheep 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you have children? If you have children w/him (and he is not abusive) you have basically contracted to stay w/him until your youngest is 18. After you have a kid you need to live for their best interest, not yours. If you do not have kids and you feel like you made a mistake that's ok move on. But figure out why you don't love him. Have you tried for the marrage to work or are you just giving up too quickly?
2006-07-15 01:06:46 · answer #5 · answered by chill'n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that everyone goes through that. I mean, marriage is work and I believe sometimes you do not want to be with the person. You may want to consider professional help for both of you and work through this. Did you love him when you married him? If so, especially work on it. Hope this helps.
2006-07-15 01:13:22 · answer #6 · answered by ~~Catbird Woman~~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try a marriage counselor first. If after trying to save the marriage doesn't work, then leave him even if you have children. Staying together for the sake of the children is doing them no favors. They know what's going on.
2006-07-15 01:10:34 · answer #7 · answered by truckermama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant really stay in a relationship that you dont want to be in.. and feeling guilty will never be a good enough reason and isnt fair on the other person,
have you tried a counsellor?
maybe if you get help from a 3rd party it may be easier for your hubby to accept and deal with..
2006-07-15 01:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by xxllhunnyllxx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have any single friends, go stay with them for a day. you might find out ,you can work it out,being single is not all good and being married is not all bad there is compromise in both. being a single parent is rough.and things you take for granted in a two parent home are a lot less when you're doing by yourself. be sure good luck
2006-07-15 01:16:08 · answer #9 · answered by evian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is what I got from you.. I, I, I, I....stop being selfish.. and think of others feelings..If you really wanted to make things work,,I'm sure they would. What makes you think someone else is going to make you happy? Love doesn't just go away like that. you just want to be single so you can play around...
2006-07-15 03:14:57 · answer #10 · answered by Angie29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋