ORANGE
2006-07-14 17:35:32
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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i visit be honest with you, via fact i think of the only thank you to improve is thru effective grievance. What you have written is amazingly tough. the priority is, it is uneven, and it reads like a catalogue of information. try for some compound sentences, that have a tendency to circulate a sprint greater effective. rather of the stop-and-initiate/ choppily written "I walked right into a gloomy, slender room. Puppets have been everywhere. I felt alongside the wall for a lightswitch, and ultimately got here upon one. I flipped it on, and enable my eyes seek the room. Off right into a corner a small woman with platinum blonde hair and dazzling white eyes became into twiddling with a strange looking puppet. She became into giggling, yet then she appeared up at me. " try some thing like: "I walked right into a gloomy, slender room, and located myself surrounded via puppets. Feeling alongside the wall, I flipped the swap, and illuminated a small toddler enjoying in the corner. With unnatural white eyes and gentle-weight hair to examine, she made her puppet walk around the floor, giggling." you may additionally attempt to artwork on showing us, no longer TELLING us the failings you like us to appreciate. Telling: Puppets have been everywhere showing: Limp varieties in brightly patterned outfits littered the room, the strings of each puppet snarled jointly as they lay in careless thousands.
2016-10-07 22:44:12
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answer #2
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answered by laseter 4
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over
2006-07-14 17:35:23
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answer #3
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answered by Kristina B 3
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over
2006-07-14 17:35:20
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answer #4
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answered by [Unknown] 2
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owned ha i win
2006-07-14 17:36:11
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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one
2006-07-14 17:35:47
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answer #6
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answered by Robert R 2
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olive
2006-07-14 17:39:24
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answer #7
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answered by enjoylife! 2
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love..even though it sucks!
2006-07-15 07:51:35
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answer #8
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answered by mamimia80 3
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open
2006-07-14 17:37:22
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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open
2006-07-14 17:35:09
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answer #10
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answered by Coffee-Infused Insomniac 3
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