we're 13yrs married, we r in a mid of family court (mediator) he wants divorce b/c he's over heels wid his mistress now & he want to take my daughter wid him. I DON'T agree of course. he tries to convince my daughter to live with him, (she's 10) by keeping secrets on me that makes my daughter so confuse lately, & he taught to put her cellfon on secret# so i cant access on it. my daughter & me have a very nice relationship she chose to be with me whenever they ask her who she want to live with. how should i tell my daughter that her father is a liar now & not to listen to his father if he tries to tell stupid things again? i'm not telling my daughter the bullies her father doing to me right now b/c it will hurt her more, i just want her to love her father like always. (same thingies with my mother-in-law) should i tell my daughter everything to make her sort who to believe? he offered me money to divorce him, i turned it down coz money will nvr be an issue here.
2006-07-14 17:12:13 · 7 answers · asked by hnymhom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hus still comes home but once or twice a week dont. i just wait quietly in the house with my daughter. he still provides our needs, mostly materials to my daughter, very little time he spend with her/us, he spent his freetime of corz with his mistress. i still hang on b/c (1) i still love my hus, (2)accepting the responsibility that i'm the 50% (as his wife) cause why he cheat & being a big ****** (he's a total different person now) to the point that he brought our daughter to his date with his mistress while i was at work (his mistress requested two occassions). (3) like other ppl that i asked, i believe too that his relation with the other woman will pass &
he will be back with his family (me & daughter) could anyone out there post their mature opinion if im waitin for a good
outcome on this situation or im just wastin my time?
2006-07-14 17:20:13 · update #1
I DON'T agree with the divorce even he offered me money, thats why were still in the mid of family court (hus is the one requested for a mediator)
2006-07-14 18:01:22 · update #2
Listen if you feel you need to stick it out that is what you should do. I think you should go to church and pray on it. Because someone does something wrong does not mean for you to follow in that path. Keep being a good woman and life will be good to you in the future.
Dont act out of caracter and you will be fine honey.
Rock
2006-07-14 18:49:06 · answer #1 · answered by Rock 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to stay? Take the divorce and fight for the child. As the mother, you still have a better chance of winning then the father. Yes, let her still see her father, but tell her the truth, or at least as much as you feel she can handle. Kids are stronger then we think, and she probably already knows something is wrong, dont let her just hear one side. Good luck to you, and get a good lawyer.
2006-07-14 17:19:18 · answer #2 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kid is 10 now. More than ever, she needs now to know what is going on between you and your husband who happens to be her father. If she knows that you two are getting a divorce because her father wants to be with his mistress, that would break her heart or it's breaking her heart because kids don't like to see their parents parting ways, let alone the "other woman" issue. But making your husband a "bad guy" is not such a wise idea like mentioning he make up stories, dumping you because he has a mistress... It is not a classy way to handle your dilemma and that will only make things worse because in your kids eyes, you are her mother and she doesn't want to hear not nice things about her dad. That will only add confusion to her young mind.
Just tell her that although you and "dad" are living in separate lives doesn't mean that you two don't want her. Also, assure her that you are never gonna treat her like a ball bouncing back and forth. Tell her that keeping secrets like turning celfone codes is hurting "mommy" because you love her and you want the best for her and mommy and daddy should talk about things concerning her, together.
The next time your stupid husband tell stupid things to your angel again, teach her to say "I love you daddy but I don't understand what you are saying to me because I'm only 10. I think Mommy would love to talk to you about that so tell her what you told me."
In addition, people here are true. You don't have respect for yourself. Pack your bags and leave him. Why stay? Oh, is it because you're hanging on that this will pass and your husband will always remember how good you were and then he'd realize he blow it and he will come back in your arms? Nah....wake up and smell the coffee...If you are thinking that way, your husband will tell himself that you are not really worth it...Sure, he might stay and continue this elicit affair, not behind your back but throw it straight into your face. Listen, your husband doesnt have respect for yourself and the vows you made, he stomped in your heart...He doesn't want you so why do you need him?
I dont think you want sensible opinions here. You are here not trying to convince people that you are doing the right thing but down deep you are only trying to CONVINCE YOURSELF that you are making the right decision by staying (by clinging on) and you and your husband will get back together, rekindle the love you have for each other and you will live happily ever after. Dreams do come true but most of the times, they don't...
2006-07-14 17:41:56 · answer #3 · answered by RERUNS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some cases it is possible to get a court ordered restraining order against his mistress to protect your child.
If you choose to stay in this miserable relationship then he is obviously comfortable using you as his doormat. I think you should let him go and move on with your life. You deserve better.
However, since you said you don't want a divorce and hope he will come back to you then don't tell your daughter bad stuff about her dad or she will lose respect for you for putting up with it. She won't tell you that but she'll grow up feeling that way and worse yet may think that is a normal relationship and not expect anything more for herself when she marries. In any case don't bad mouth your husband to her anyways because you don't want to destroy their relationship. Teach her that keeping secrets and lieing to you is wrong though.
Good luck
2006-07-22 12:26:54 · answer #4 · answered by Dellajoy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately, there will not be a good outcome to this situation, too many people try to use their children as battlefields in any kind of argument. bestthing i can tell you is tell your daughter the truth and do not try to badmouth the father, if you badmouth him then she will choose you but grow up later to resent you for it, always tell her the truth and things will turn out ok in the long run, show her both sides of the table and tell her that keeping secrets from you is not a good thing, she should never grow up thinking it is a good idea to keep secrets from parents, put a phsycological spin on it in court, if he is teaching her to keep secrets now then what happens later on in her teenage years when she is keeping secrets when she really needs help with issues
2006-07-14 17:31:21 · answer #5 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go ahead with divorce but its not fair to ask your daughter to choose, she should still be able to be with you both, you and her father need to get some help to make this easy on her and to come to a agreement about her care
2006-07-14 17:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by eyes_kitty_green 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have much respect for yourself so there's not much we can do for you. I won't waste my breath.
2006-07-14 17:36:51 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋