Enough is Enough?

Question

Im 36 weeks pregnant and I am so tired of hearing everyones advice. I have one friend inparticular who is always giving me advise or asking me what I am going to do and when I tell her she does nothing but rip my ideas apart. She asked me Who is going to be in the delivery room with me and I told her just me and my partner and she thinks that I need to have women in there with me like my sister or something becuase I need a women who has had experience. I have told her many of times I only want David with me but she will not stop. And she also is asking me all the time if I plan to be put on birth control after the baby and I have told her I dont know ( I most likely will but I havent thought completely about it) and she had many of comments to make about that. I understand that she just trying to help but I dont want to hear it anymore. I honestly feel that her comments are ripping our friendship apart. I want to tell her to stop but I dont really know how without her getting mad, she is more agressive and Im usally the laid back one so I dont want to come off wrong. Another problems I have is that she had an abortion a little less then a year ago, and she really made the choice for everyone else and she is completly turn apart because of it and I dont want her to feel like I dont respect her.

Some other people have given all the advise too. I understand that people want to share there stories but Im really tired of it. Im only 21 so Im pretty young I guess but I have tired very hard to do everything right. I have went to the lamaza class, the newborn class, the brestfeeding class, and a few others. I also have ready every magazine and book that I could get my hands on. I have done research on birth and all the options that I have and I dont understand why everyone thinks that I need all this extra advise.....if only they would give me advice on getting people to stop giving me advise. I am usally the type that just sits back and let people say or do what they want but if I dont let them know how annoying the advise is getting I am going to go off on someone and I dont want to do that. The only time that I finally said something to someone (actually it was my friend I was talking about above) I was told that pregnant women are so mean, and the actually made me want to cry (not really sure why I guess all the emotions that come along with being pregnant) So how can I tell everyone no more advise???

thank you to everyone who has responded. I would have choose a best answer, for those who like to get the points, but they are so good I cant really choose one. Thanks again...its probably the best and only advice that I have asked for.

Answer 1

I know you don't want advise, but just tell them that this is your life and you will do as you will do. Please don't give me anymore advice. If I want some advice I will ask for it.

Tell them that. Make it point blank.

Answer 2

Just say thank you for the concern or the advise but I think I got it under control, if I need any help I'll ask, thank you. That's what I said. And you can tell your friend you love her but you are the pregnant one and the choices you make are yours, and also tell her you still got a month or two before you even have to think of birth control. Cuz you don't start it till after 6 weeks after the baby is born. Just tell her right now you have other things on your mind then birth control. And you don't need a woman with you unless you want one, besides there will be women nurses there any way. And you're not on display. Good luck with everything, soon you'll have that little bundle of joy in your arms and you'll be too busy to think about everyone else. And always remember you're the mommy you know what's best.

Answer 3

OMG! I am 30 weeks pregnant and I am sooo sick of this too.. If you are anything like me than you don't have to hear it from just this friend. You also have to hear it from everyone else including total strangers. It sounds like this friend is very pushy and thinks her ideas are right since she has had an abortion recently she probably thought all this over because she feels guilty for it. Just sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that you apperciate all her advice but this is your baby and you would like the childbirth to go the way you want it to. Especially when it comes to just you and your parnter being in the room. Thats the best way in my opnion because than theres going to be a bunch of people distracting you when you should really just be concentrating on the birth of your child! Just next time your friend or someone else offers you advice, fake a smile and say "thanks for your input but we already have a rock solid birthing plan and its not going to change" If you feel angered by it than let your friend have it one good time sounds like shes annoyed you enough that if you say it mean than she will get the hint.. You sound like you have done your research and have all your ducks in a row, so congrads to you!

Answer 4

Tell them to F*** off!!! You're pregnant so you'll get away with it. You could also mention that YOU are the one having a child, not them. I know I mentioned it quite a bit to people when I was pregnant.I'm going to give you some advice though, sorry but I have to. I only had my fiance in the room when I delivered both our daughters. I feel that it is meant for the mother and father only. The birth control thing, please please please get on birth control as soon as possible. My kids are 51 weeks apart. Both were conceived on birth control but that's only because I have a very high fertility rate. When I was pregnant with my second child, I had a lot of complications. I nearly lost my daughter twice while I was pregnant and then again when I was in labor. Luckily, my daughter is a happy, healthy 1 1/2 year old now. I thank god that everything went okay. Please be careful.
Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 5

They won't stop with the advice. The best thing you can do is just "yes" them to death, or simply say "I don't know yet". End of story. Let her keep pumping you for add'l info. If you just say "I don't know" or "I haven't made up my mind", she can't get any definitive info from you to keep ragging you about. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings. It's obvious their not taking yours into consideration. Any time you answer a question with an open ended comment, it can only go so far. This is your time to be happy. Don't stress the advice. Most of the time, if you just say "that sounds like a good idea", they can't continue to badger you with it. In the end, you're gonna do what you want anyway, right? I made a game of it during my pregnancy, and I sometimes would piss people of with my inderect answers. I actually enjoyed it towards the end... the time when you're really starting to stress. Don't try to please everyone, because you can't. And if it gets too hairy, tell them "mind your own business" and don't worry about their feelings. If they're true friends, they won't get affended.
Good luck!

Answer 6

You sound like a very well informed person, fully capable of making your own decisions that are best for you and your new family. I know it may be hard but it is totally ok for you to stand up for yourself and be CONFIDENT in all your decisions. As for the delivery room you will be fine with just your partner, the nurses are great and can answer any questions. This is your day and it is between you, your baby and your partner. When it's time to make decisions about birth control and raising a healthy baby I have a feeling you will take the same approach you did to your pregnancy, well informed. Explore your options and be confident in who you are and your abilities as a mom. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 7

I admire you for doing all your home work on the whole pregnancy thing! And I think you should be honest, When people start giving you advice, cut them off- politely by saying something like " I am glad you care enough to want to help me but I feel confident in the choices I am going to make" Its really not that hard. Use you Bf to practice on. Be thankful or apologetic, You better start now, if you think you are tired of advice now just wait till you start getting all the other advice on mother hood! It never stops, people will always give advice! Good luck!

Answer 8

I would just sit down and tell her that you don't want to come off as being rude but you feel that her advice is ruining your friendship. Explain to her that your decision will only affect you & David and not her. Thank her for being a caring friend and trying to help you but you will deal with things as they come your way. Stress to her that none of your decisions will in any way interfere with her life.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you and your friend.
Also, congratulations on your bundle of joy. They are precious!! I'm enjoying my 3 month old. I will tell you that the first few weeks are the hardest because of not getting sleep and all of the change that comes with a baby. Just stay strong!!!!

Answer 9

You need to be nice, but be firm - with everyone, and tell them that you appreciate their advice, but at this point it's just stressing you out and you would appreciate it if they would stop. Let them know that you respect them and that if you need advice they will be the first person you come to. If they persist with advice, just tell them that you need to go through this and learn for yourself, by making the choices yourself.
Some people might be offended, but it's not your fault. Most people don't realize when to shut up or when they have crossed the line, and once you tell them they often feel as if you are unappreciative - they will get over it in time.
As for your friend - she sounds like she is hurting from having an abortion and it's probably hard for her to see you getting ready to have a baby of your own. Be gentle with her and tell her that you need her as a friend and that when you need her for advice you will ask, but that in the meantime you just need her to be your friend and talk with you rather than talking at you.

Answer 10

how annoying. i think you should stand your ground on this one. you have your own mind and ways your going to do things and people (esp. friends) should know that and respect that. Personally, i would first attempt to say something politely the next time someone give you advise. You could say... "Thanks, that's good advise, but I already have a plan for that!" and just be firm. You could also tru telling your friend how annoyed you are with people given you advise. Tell her about everyone saying things to you and maybe she'll pick up on it and get a clue. Good luck... hang in there!

Answer 11

isn't it not-so-funny how a momma belly brings everybody out of the woodwork with their stories and their advice? it isn't helpful to be bombarded with unsolicited comments and directives on how to do everything! that was my least favorite part about being pregnant. labor, delivery, and breastfeeding are all a snap after all that!!

it really does come down to one thing: simply tell the person to back off. if they take it as the "pregnant women are mean" thing, then so be it. blame it on the hormones. or if you are feeling particularly attacked, lob it back again as "great, then we both know not to go down this road again!" then warn your friend when she starts to do the bossy thing again. at the risk of scaring you, the lack of sleep after the baby is not going to help you out much with coping with these types of people. you can't allow them to drive you nuts! when you wanted to cry, i think that may have been out of frustration because your friend is being mean to you by not respecting you.

best wishes with the new little one... have a safe and healthy delivery.