How do I deal with my daughter father?

Question

My daughter's father and i have been apart since I was 5mths prego. He got another girlfriend and thinks he is so much better than me. He is always calling me and calling me names and putting me down. His girlfriend called me the other day and told me I was a bad mother and that I can't take care of my daughter. Yes they have more money than I do but I am a great mother! How do I deal with him? I feel guilty if I don't answer the phone when he calls because he lives in another city and I don't want my daughter to grow up with out a father like I did, but he is not a nice or respectable person. I am confused someone help please!!!

Answer 1

"He is not a nice or respectable person" <-- Is this the kind of person you want to be your child's daddy?

It is okay for her not to have a daddy right now. Maybe later you will meet a wonderful man who can be her daddy. (My father left when I was 3, my mother remarried and I was adopted by my new daddy when I was 6.)

Get help through the local Department of Human Resources. They can help you with getting child support and regulating visits and his behavior.

My daughter is 4 now and her father was not one I wanted to have around when she was a baby because of his own behaviors. I was letting him in emotionally last year, was looking forward to possible child support, when he died; so that is the extent of my experience.

Make sure you think about protecting your daughter first and foremost no matter what her father says he wants. You are her mother and it is your responsibility to make sure the stress of all this isn't getting to her. If you want them to have a good relationship, there has to be an agreement made right now between you and her father and his girlfriend (and anyone else around her), that the disagreements are to be discussed calmly and privately, keeping things peaceful and calm around her. This agreement has to last until she is an adult. By then, you should all be calm enough to be truthful with her without the hurtful words and feelings.

May God bless you and your daughter on this long and difficult journey, and may His Love keep you strong.

Answer 2

First, money means nothing!!!! Love and security is all that matters.

You must be young. And your problem is that you are nice! They will walk on you because they can.

You have a couple of options:
1 - Honesty. Tell them they are hurting you. Let them know. I doubt it will help but some will respond.

2 - Contact an attorney and ask for advice on legal options. A Protection from Abuse order might make sense. If they are using fowl language, you can consider a call to the police.

3 - Let them have it!!! Don't back down!!! They need to learn boundaries.

4 - Get a guy to answer your phone. Have him talk to your ex. He can let him know he will break his neck if he continues to hassle you!!! In my opinion - this works best!!!! I have done this once or twice myself for lady friends!!!. He lives out of town - he only knows what you tell him.

5- Consider either taking a class or reading a book on assertiveness training. There are great books on handling people with personality disorders!!!!

Let him know being abusive will not work!!! And don't close the door on him and his daughter.

Hang in there !!! It will probably never get good but with time you will find it will at least level out!!!!

Those are the options I see... I like 4.

Answer 3

Well for one just cause he has more money does not make him a better father. The way he is acting shows that. One thing is to not be scared of them and let them know that they have you shaken. If you have all rights to the child and he has none then change you #. If not then be sure that you kept records of these calls. Get a lawyer and let him know what is going on. I would have to tell them myself that you know you may thing that in your mind but in my I am the mother of heart and not pain and I am a great mother so have a nice day. It really is better to be humble then to have anger.

Answer 4

You have the same rights as your daughter's father has.
What others think about you, has nothing to do with what you think about yourself.
You have to trust yourself that you can make it.Children need mothers more than daddies. Mothers have nurturing instincts with their kids.

Answer 5

First of all, don't deal w/ her....she is not an important part in this case...you, him and the child are. Don't "fuel" her fire..if she is going to bad mouth you let it alone......Take him to court..make him pay for his child...or better yet....cut all ties to him, it doesn't sound like he is any good for your child. Start looking again..there are many men who will raise her and be her dad.......My dad did!

Good Luck.