My husband and I have been married for almost a year and he doesn't think looking at porn is worng. I feel it brings a horrible falsification into our relationship and I don't want that. I've tried being okay with it, I've watched it with him, I've tried to pretend it isn't happening and still I just end up crying for hours because I feel like I'm not good enough. He has told me that he wants to stop and that being married to me is more important than that and he's let me put a password on the computer that only I know, he only uses the computer when I'm watching but after three months of being porn free he went and rented some videos and I came home and caught him. I'm afraid that this time I just can't get past all the betrayl and hurt that I feel...I would honestly do anything he asked of me but I can't be okay with this I've tried. This is the only thing we haven't been able to work out and I'm just wondering how long I try and help him before I throw in the towel?
2006-07-14 15:31:13 · 16 answers · asked by hideemosquito 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He doesn't watch it all the time. He actually went three months without watching it at all. We have a great sex life which is why it hurts because he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and how sexy I am and how happy I make him, which makes it seem like such a slap in the face. If I make him happy why does he need that?
2006-07-14 15:49:57 · update #1
this is a tough one to answer because it seems your husbant has an addiction. and not a good one at that. my husbant only watches in only when i don't "give it to him" for long periods of time, like if i'm on my period or something. he mainly does it to relieve himself i guess, so i'm ok with that. but i would hate it too if he watched it all the time. it does falsify a marriage. and although he's not "cheating" on you, he is still looking at other naked men and women getting it on. i don't think it's a matter of how long u should wait. you shouldn't ahve to put a time limit. here is a suggestion i have for him. where does he watch the porn? at his computer? ok, let's say it's there. tell him to put pictures of you, you and him, his family, and pictures of your kids (if you have any) aaaall, next to his computer area. tell him to tape it to the desk top, and tape it all around the wooden area that encloses the computer. he CANNOT remove them at all. that is the deal. trust me, he will feel very ashamed to watch that stuff with all his family "watching".
try it and let me know how it works
landaverde04@sbcglobal.net
2006-07-14 15:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by chapped lips 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
How to avoid porn addiction on the Internet
1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog ,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.
2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov
3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.
4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.
5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.
6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.
Stick with reputable sites.
If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.
Internet Porn Filter Resource:
http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-07-14 21:12:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he "used to have" a porn addiction. No dear, he still *does* have a porn addiction. The simple fact alone that he has "relapses" is the defining factor. He tries to stop and fails, am I right? Time and time again I bet. He needs help. It's not about you. It's about him and what is lacking within him to cause him to do what he's doing. If you feel strongly that pornography is not healthy in your relationship ( and from what you've written, I would say it isn't at all healthy ) stick to you guns and tell him he either gets help for his problem or you are going to seek a divorce. Don't waffle about it or he will never believe anything you say about it in the future.
2016-03-27 05:50:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change him. I'll say that again for all the ladies out there: you can't change him. He is going to watch porn. He is going to watch porn and masturbate. You might as well ask him to stop eating as ask him to stop looking at porn and masturbating. It is unfair of you to ask it of him. What if he asked you to stop having your period? It is a biological function.
He isn't necessarily fantasizing about being with those girls. The visual stimulation just helps him get off. And he has to get off. You cannot physically provide him with enough sex. So he has to take matters into his own hands.
So, the question is, can you live with it? If not, and if this is a big issue for you...then you ought not to waste each others time anymore. But you must understand that 95% of all guys are the same way. And the 5% that aren't are guys that you wouldn't want to sleep with anyway.
My advice, learn to watch porn with him. Stop being so darn sensitive and jealous. He loves you, and only you. Not the floozie in the vid. And realize that he was that way before you found him, and he will not change.
2006-07-14 15:44:21 · answer #4 · answered by Geoduck 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Porn isn't a big thing for me. Try to figure out what about it you don't like other than it makes you feel inadequate. If it is just the latter of then I suggest counseling and the both of you will get something out of it.
Look at it this way, men are visual. The more you restrict him the more he wants to see it. Eventually it will do nothing for him. He'll desensatize himself to it. The more you say something is forbidden the more they want it.
What is wrong with it? Do you feel like you're not enough for him? That's obviously not true or he wouldn't have chosen you to marry..
2006-07-14 15:43:49 · answer #5 · answered by lckuconn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough because you feel so strong about this...but honestly...guys feel about porn the way women do about buying purses...you dont really need it ....but you seem to just keep doing it. He doesnt like those other women....he loves you...but often time..men use that as stimulation and also ways to try to be more creative with their love making...Women always seem to have such strong feelings about this topic...but they are a little misguided...you are reading into it too much...focus on your communication and make sure that he feels he can be honest about his needs and desires too you....sometimes men are afraid to say things because you will think they are freaks...if this is your husband who you want to spend the rest of your life together...work with him...porn sounds like it is affecting you...not the way he feels about you...
good luck
2006-07-14 15:41:55 · answer #6 · answered by Holly F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide how long you want to try. If it were me, I would try for at least 1 year.
The real issue seems to be his lack of respect for your feelings and his selfishness of his own gratification.
Suggest counseling. If he won't go with you, you should go alone. Work towards positive change to move your relationship away from porn.
Tell him how you feel about it using the words "I feel....".
Do not use the word "you" when you talk to him.
He obviously has a problem and needs help. If he won't get help there is little you can do except accept it, or divorce him.
Good luck!
2006-07-14 15:37:36 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I have to say is if the shoe were on the other foot, and YOU were the one addicted to the (male) porn, would all the guys tell your husband to get over it and watch the (male) porn with YOU? There are sites online where you can read about porn addictions and what it does to women/families. Do some research and decide if his problem is enough to warrant some joint counseling on the issue. good luck!
2006-07-14 19:01:58 · answer #8 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a slightly unusual suggestion that sounds like it might deal with both your issues and his. He feels a need to look at sexy pictures, and you don't want him to look at pictures of other women. Make him a proposition: you're not asking him to give up porn, you're just asking him to give up porn that doesn't have you in it, and in exchange you're willing to make him a whole bunch of custom-made porn with you in it for any time her feels the need. If he agrees, get a digital camera and a video camera, and you and he take a bunch of pictures of you, and videos of you and of the two of you. Find out what he likes looking at, and give it to him. Get some lingerie and sex toys, get all made up, trim your pubic hair, act like the girls in the pictures and videos do, pull out all the stops, make him a bunch of the sexiest pictures and videos of you and of the two of you that you can manage. Maybe you could even write him some sexy stories about you or the two of you. With any luck, you'll have fun doing it, and the lengths you're willing to go to should be a strong motivator to him to keep up his end of the bargain.
I can't guarantee it will work, but it might just save your marriage.
2006-07-14 16:27:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My X got fired from his job for watching porno on his computer @ work & he was warned 3 times to stop! We were married 9 years. If he doesn't want to get help then I guess yes throw in the towel. Porno is very adicting. They can't stop! Good Luck.
2006-07-14 15:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by pinky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋