Is this really the end of my marriage?

Question

I have 2 children (1 and 2.5) and have been married 6 yrs.
My husband cheated on my a year ago with a so called friend while I was 8 months pregnant. He had an affair until Jan this year when I found out. I told him to end it for us to move forward - divorce is so easy and I grew up with divorced parents.

He lied to me for months about having communication with her (phone and texting) - she's a crazy fatal attraction type. For the last few months we've been good but out of the blue she left a photo album in our mail box so he called her. I found out and he said he threw it away. Well I just found it in our house.

He says he loves me and the kids - yeah I know please don't bash me, I'm low enough as it is right now.

He's in councelling to figure out whats going on but I really don't want my children to suffer. I'm just fooling myself right? You know it's not about the affair, that I could forgive - it's the lying to me. Any good advice?

Answer 1

well you are trying so that is better than just giving up completely. you need to be firm and stand up for yourself. if you feel that he deserves one LAST chance then go for it, but if he chooses not to be honest with you then sweetie he made his decision.
yes children should have both parents but as i see it, if you continue to put up with it then you are telling your kids it's okay to cheat on your spouse.
you two do not need to be married in order for him to be a father.
good luck to you.

Answer 2

Sounds like he'sorry he got caught not sorry he did it. I completely understand the wanting to keep things together for the benefit of the kids but that onlt goes so far. You being happy and comfortable either in or out of a relationship will play more of a factor than where your kids spend te holidays. I've been there. I listened to the empty promises and have been lied to and thought, I can do this-I can keep the family together. I couldnt. It was hard on myself and kids at first but we have established a new life, they still see their father, and I can see the positive difference it makes on them now that both parents are happy and not together anymore. If he truly wanted to break it off he would have. As hard as it is you are fooling yourself and hurting yourself. I never thought things could be as great as they are today. You will get through it. Good luck in whatever choice you make.

Answer 3

Unfortunately you married a liar!! Once the trust is broken it's very difficult to mend if at all possible. Staying married for the sake of the kids is an old myth. Your unhappy marriage will have worst effect on them than a separation. Just make an amicable divorce where the children will be able to spend some time with their father. Count your losses and move on....it's better to be emotionally and mentally healthy than constant abuse...good luck!!

Answer 4

Wow...that's a tuff situation. You definitely deserve better than that, but I know how hard it will be to raise two young children by yourself.

I'm not sure I would ever be able to trust him again. I would probably stay because I would need the help raising my children...and I would plan and prepare for the day that I could leave. You'll know when that day comes...and you'll know if it's best for you at that time.

There's nothing wrong with you staying because you have no other choice...at least planning and preparing will occupy your mind and give you something to look forward to. It takes time to come to terms with something this life changing. Try not to judge yourself (or rush youself) while you get there.

Answer 5

If he could bring himself to cheat once, who's to say he won't do it again? Okay, I know this is very hard, but if you have to worry all the time you will be miserable. So what kind of relationship is that? And if you're miserable, you're children will pick up on it. If you can't live together happily, it's probably better to live apart happily; for the kids' sake. Good luck.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, this is a very selfish man who is only living for himself. I'm not sure that's ever going to change. Lying seems to come easily for him as does infidelity. Your marriage will set an example for your children, good or bad. If you want your children to have low standards for who they marry, then you could stay with him and suffer through it. If you want them to have self respect and not settle for someone who would cheat on them when they grow up, then divorce this man.

Answer 7

If he really cares as he claims he does then everything he does from here on must be verifiable by you. His word can never again be trusted..which is a very tough thing since marriage is based upon trust. He has to understand and more importantly realize that it is him and not you who brought it upon himself. Finally, he has to prove to you that she is out of his life...Got to be honest...right now it doesn't appear hopeful...the album that he lied about...maybe you have been just a little too easy going on him...He has to know that you mean business...in no uncertain terms. Pray..If it is God's will this relationship can be healed.

Answer 8

He is a Lie and a cheat and he probably wont change, but is not the best idea to stay in a bad relationship because of the kids. The can sense things are wrong and its not good for them...

Answer 9

My ex did this three times everytime I left and he begged and promised me the world I would come back and it would start again.Finally the third was the last and I it has been 5 yrs I am remarried to a wonderful man who takes care of my kids from my previous marriage.My ex is remarried and still doing it but to her now

Answer 10

you know what I could say to that once a cheat always a cheat,the guy just wants his cake and eat it to.If you allow it,it will go on happening how could you possibly want to be with someone that cheats and cheated on you when you were pregnant hes not the one that need counseling you do....leave the looser don't stay in a marriage for children they will grow up really screwed up...