Should I end my relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year?

Question

He has been divorced for 2 years he has 4 children 2 older 2 younger 7 & 4 they visit us everyother weekend. Things are really good between us until his ex-wife is brought up. He says he hates her but everytime she calls he answers the phone it's kind of like she says jump and he says how high. I know he loves me but I have to wonder if secretly he wants his family back even though he knows we are more compatable than his ex-wife. He says he knew when he signed the divorce papers it was over and there was no going back. So why does he have a problem with her boyfriend living with her. He says its because it's his house. She called him four times today and he says all they did was fight and I told him that he is just adding fuel to the fire by fighting with her. Why does he want to talk to her if all they do is fight? I am sick of her calling him all of the time. He told me that he was going to stop telling me what goes on with he and his ex because it upsets me.

We are both in our late 30's I have two girls my youngest is 13. I don't call my ex all of the time. When we have the boys she will call him and ask what are yall doing this weekend. I don't think it's her business what we do with our time. It like she can't stand it that he is actually happy so she is trying to make our lives as miserable as she is. The thing is when we first started seeing each other she did call the way she does now. I think she know our relationship is serious and he is capabable of loving someone other than her and it's killing her. It seems to me she doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either especially if he is happy. I am so confused with this situation, a part of me says I am over reacting and I should just enjoy our relationship but the other part of me is very insecure I feel if he should be talking to anyone during the day while he is at work it should be me. He never calls me during the day and I don't call him at work. Am I wron

Answer 1

This phone nag-tag game of theirs will not stop, especially when there are little kids involved. You need to decide whether you can live with it, if you can't then you should move on. He won't stop doing this, nor will she.

Answer 2

Well he may be over her but that does not mean he is not bitter, he may be bitter that another man is in HIS home with HIS kids and truthfully wouldn't that bother a lot of people? It doesn't mean he still loves her. They do still need to be in communication if they are raising their children together but there are other ways to communicate today besides the phone. They can simply email, or text. This simplifies things and also eliminates having to call each other back to clarify things and keeps the emotion out of it. When the wife calls the kids, have them answer the phone. Maybe you can even ask him to let her messages go to VM and call her back once a day or email her back. Some of their behavior is probably just habitual.
I know you have been together for 2 years but there clearly is years of baggage that they are still working out and if you stay together you have to accept that it will always be there and even though it is easy to say "I come first" it will not always be that way with someone who has children and you need to ask yourself "am I okay with not always coming first?" If the answer is no then you should not be with a divorced man with children.

Answer 3

ooooh, It seems like he still has issues he hasn't really let go of. I guess it would be kind of hard for him, since he was married and has had kids with her and all- that can't be easy. I think if you just be a little patient, and let him go through the separation process,, he'll be okay. Don't be afraid that he'll go back to her... because that fear will probably urge you to do some things out of frustration or jealousy, which would only make it worse. Just realize that If he does leave you, someone better is meant for you- perhaps one without all that baggage. Try not to nag him about it, cause that will only make him withdrawn or lash out.

But be honest about the situation,and notice where it's leading to, and try to look at it without your feelings interfering. Tell him what you like and don't like about his actions, and why- without sounding accusatory. And he should respect your say. If he blows you off, then you have to start thinking about where to draw the line.

Hope that helps. Pray, and keep yourself at peace. Try not to get too worked up. You don't deserve the stress. That's his stress, not yours.

Answer 4

Well since they have kids, hs ex is going to be part of the picture for awhile... but...You should be # 1..all the time. Make it very clear either you are in the front seat or your gone.......

Answer 5

bypass including your heart thoughts, I actual have had to make an similar judgements, actually have stayed round longer because I cared about the different individual thoughts. yet, what if it became any incorrect way round, you should imagine about your happiness. besides, you're not from now on satisfied, so flow on, yet do it sparkling. LQ!!!

Answer 6

he has kids with her get over it ! thats the prob you get uptight yeah he talks to her but not because he wants her because they have to raise their kids . they may not love each other but for their kids sake they talk. thats a good thing dont leave him because he;s doing whats good for his kids. if anything he should be the one considering to leave not you.maybe he should'nt tell you anything .

Answer 7

yes , leave this man, cause you are caught right in the middle of two ex that cant leave each other alone.

Answer 8

yes, end it. he has issues he needs to work out. until then, move on.