I admit, I dated a married man.?

Question

I dated a married man for 11 years. I know...I know. Why? Long story. Not enough room to write it. Anyway, I ended the relationship over a year ago. I am ashamed for my part in it. It was something I did and now I have since moved on. At one point I had feelings for him, he didn't. Our relationship was F***ed up. When we were still together, eight years in, I asked him if he loved me? Love was something he and I never discussed, in all of that time. I decided since this thing had been going on for years, and I had tried many time to end it, and he'd always come crawling back, I thought I'd see if he had any feelings for me. His reply to "Do you love me?" was "No...but you don't know how many times I have wanted to love you?" LOL! WTF? I have often wondered why he couldn't have just said no and left it at that. Instead he had to add more to it. All I wanted was a straight answer. Instead, I guess I got his guilt trip. LOL! What do you think it was.

He wouldn't leave his wife, cause he didn't want to leave his kids. Lame excuse...probably.

Btw, I ended the affair because I finally relized I deserved better. His current wife is his second wife. She had an affair with him, when he was married to his first wife. At least i never bragged about f***king him like she bragged about breaking up his first marriage. F***ked up? You betcha!

Answer 1

I'm glad you ended it. Eleven years of that is a long time.

It wasn't good for either of you (which you figured out), nor for his current wife.

I would say she deserved better as well, and I guess she does -- simply because she is "officially" his wife -- but it's just sort of painful to realize that she was the "other woman" with his last wife, and so now she is basically on the "payback" end of things.

Based on your description of him, he was just using you. Just as he used his wife when he was previously married. He sounds like a man who generally uses women to fill some need in him -- the first wife didn't work, so he dumped her for his mistress, and then he latched on to you when she wasn't continually able to fill the same hole in his life.

Meanwhile, he remains a slave to his inability to commit and his willingness to do anything and use anyone to fill that hole.

(Yes, the "you don't know how many times..." moment is sort of an eye-roller, isn't it?)

So did you break up with him because you felt ashamed for what you were doing, or because you decided you deserved better, or both? (You said both, so I wasn't clear on that -- whether it was because you decided it was the right thing to do in general, or simply the best thing for you to do personally.)

And if you had the opportunity to date a married man again, knowing what you know now, would you?

Answer 2

I have been there. To make a long story short, I didn't start dating until I was in my early twenties. I had lots of family issues. But anyway, my first love crushed my heart and soul. I was devastated when he didn't love me the way I loved him..
I remember I cried for two weeks straight. Well not straight, but anytime I was alone, I even remember going in the restroom at work and take a crying break. I was sooo pathetic. It took me two years before I could actually date and then I was comparing every man to him. He was my first love and I will never forget him, he wasn't all bad but his alcohol and partying came before me...

After that, I had a relationship with a married guy, when I going through some emotional times he wasn't there for me. He was a very cruel many, he told me I was controlling when it was him. He wanted me to with him at his convenience and his desire, he didn't care about me....
I then broke it off with him and met the love of my life. I realized how a couple should be, how you should put your partners needs before your own. My husband is the bomb!! He has taught me so much, he has taught me to love once again but better yet how to RECEIVE it.

I think you need to move on and stay away from married men, they are pigs and know how to manipulate vulnerable women.


BTW - What goes around come around. My brother who is a womenizer. Is married to wife #3 now, his current wife use to brag to his ex wife about how he choose her. But guess what, now he is cheating on the third wife... She begs for him to come home when he leaves her. Kinda weird...

Answer 3

I think that all you wanted was a straight answer and all he wanted was knowing that he could have his wife there and have an easy piece of *** on the side(no offense). He sounds like a real pig and it's horrible that you put up with that for so long. Hopefully next time you find someone a lot better.

Answer 4

There is no sense on dwelling on something of the past. Who cares what he did say, or did not. You said you are over it, but you can' t really be over the relationship until you stop yourself from analyzing something that wasn't meant to be. Why did it take you 11 years to end the relationship. Sounds to me as if he was non-committal and enjoyed sitting on both sides of the fence. In other words, he most likely was using you.

Answer 5

i think you were just a piece of a$$ and now he is done with you, he never loved you, if he did he would have left his wife. Ya know my husband is cheating on me and its the worst feeling in the world.

Answer 6

i dating a married man for-17 years ,and he is still going to leave his wife--duh-i heard the story it was for the kids-but they are grown now -get out no hope for you

Answer 7

Home Wrecker, you are a sucker. I hope the same thing happens to you so you know how it feels. I hope one day you're happily married and you man cheats on your sucker ***.

Answer 8

There are many single guys out there try again

Answer 9

Your a total home wrecker!

Answer 10

WHY DID HE NOT LEAVE HIS WIFE?????